Okay, I have been thinking about the phrases we use like "it was a real wake up call". What in the world does that mean? I know it is supposed to mean that something dramatic has happened to make you realize the importance of ...what? I guess if you find you have a heart condition, when you learn about it, it's a wake up call to start taking better care of yourself. Or, in my case, if you have a brain tumor, I should say that I have had a wake up call to reflect on life. What's important. What I need to do to make my life better. What to prioritize and what to let go of.
Well, I guess. But I have not changed my basic values, concerns or my desires. I guess I have re-prioritized what I want to do. I wrote about my bucket list a few weeks ago. I wrote about things I wanted to do and see. I still want to do all of those things. I just feel less anxious to do these things. My main priority is to not only get through with this brain tumor. By get through, I mean survive intact. I am not ready to become totally physically dependent on others. I know that I am loved, and I know that between Nick and my sister and kids and friends, I will continue to be loved whether or not I make a full recovery.
I am always saying "I know I will be alright". How do I know? (Courtney used to say that all the time as a three year old!). How? Well, to be honest, I don't know. I don't know like one doesn't know they will arrive at the grocery store when they are on their way to the grocery store. I don't know if that makes sense. I guess another word for it is "faith". I have faith in the doctors, the hospital and my care to believe that I will get there. There? My "destination" is the other side of this brain tumor and surgery. "There" is back to walking with confidence, driving myself, getting back to work helping moms and babies. Being pain free. That is where I am going. That's what's on my GPS. (Dr Brem being the figurative GPS).
Meanwhile, I sit, I knit, I sew, I watch TV, I stay in touch- partly by keeping this blog.
I asked Dr. Brem about getting my hair cut- I wanted to know where the incision will be. He said not to get my hair cut before surgery. I don't know why, or if he was just kidding. I am a short hair lady. My hair was getting to the point of scraggly that I could not stand it! So, yesterday, Carol took me to get my hair cut. I have been going to this hair dresser for more than 20 years.She was very understanding about the surgery and the scar(s) I will have. I feel so much more human!
I got a call from Dr. Brem's appointment person. She said she would call me back either yesterday (she didn't) or Monday. There are so many things that need to be coordinated that it is complicated. There will be at least two doctors, two anesthesiologists, nursed and an available operating room. I guess being the doctor's office manager's job is not unlike the job of an event planner!
Today is Austin's birthday! I want to post some pictures of him, but they are not on this computer. Now I am going to go upstairs and get my Austin pics!