Tuesday, May 20, 2014


Headaches suck!   I took some medicine about a half an hour and am ready to go on living.   Before it kicked in, I was ready to die.  No, I do not want to kill myself.  I don't really want to die.   There is still so much life I want to live.

I woke up feeling crummy.  Headache, sinuses hurting, stomach issues and just plain old tired.  I didn't take anything for the head pain.  I don't know why.  I hate that I need to take drugs every day for my headache.

I sat outside on the deck and let the tears stream.   Closed my eyes and rested my head- leaning back.  Thinking that 60 years is a nice amount of time. I have lived a lot in my 60 years.  No, I do not feel "old", but sometimes I feel done.  Ready to just stop hurting.

In all honesty, I am terrified about having brain surgery.   I will be knocked out.  My head will be shaved.  I will wake up with staples and bandages on my head.  "There's no guarantee that the surgery will make the headaches stop".  That's what I have been told.   I hope.  Hope!

I am worn out.  I want to have some fun!  I want to drive again- I know I will.

The medicine has kicked in.  the pain is less than what it was.  Not completely, but much better than before.

Wow, I am a lot of fun!  Nope, just tired.  Just under 4 weeks.

My joy is here.  It's just hiding.   For a while.  It will come back  

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