Yes, really. I have a brain tumor. How strange is that? I have been feeling not so great on and off for a while. But since I tend to get exotic things like swine flu and blood clots and broken bones, I just figured I was low and needed to eat better and rest. Or something. My thyroid is low and I started on a new medication and a new dose recently, so I thought that might be a part of it.
Then, last week, I saw my doctor and complained about vertigo and headaches. The second time I saw him last week, with the same symptoms, he sent me for a "stat" MRI.
Well, low and behold, they found something that shouldn't be there. A tumor. I must be in the denial stage, because, while I am concerned, and getting tired of the headaches, I am not freaking out- yet.
I have a meningioma. I have several appointments with several neurosurgeons next week. Second and third opinions please, this is my brain we are talking about here.
The MRI place sent me off with a disc of my tumor. Actually, of my whole brain. I have been carrying it around, afraid to look at it. But, this evening, I decided to have a look. Nick and Austin have both been complaining of headaches. So I thought, maybe I have whatever they have. Not a tumor at all.
I loaded the disc. There are tons of images. Fascinating to look at really. I was not grossed out or weirded out at all. I scrolled through the images of my brain. I found an image of my profile and realized that I actually have a pretty nice profile. Never looked at it from quite that angle before!
And then, I found *it*. Yup, I could see the tumor. It's a white blob where there shouldn't be any kind of blob. I thought about trying to copy it so I could paste it here, but decided that I shouldn't. Not everyone looks at the world the same way I do, and most people would be upset to see it.
I have decided not to name my tumor. Some people do that. I don't want to. I am hoping that it is just a temporary resident, soon to be evicted.
I am noticing little things that Nick says are not new. Maybe not, but I am only just more aware of them. I am having some trouble retrieving words. And I am really goofing up at spelling. I have never been a great speller, and will be eternally grateful to spell check. But I can tell that I am making mistakes that are even more apparent to me than usual.
I keep finding humor in most everything. But, after hours of pain (headache) and some vertigo, I feel pretty dragged out.
I am not going to do lactation consulting home visits for a while. I am not retiring, just working on figuring out the next step on this journey. I am mostly not driving. It's nice that Nick is retired and is so available. I do plan to keep going to the gym, but not participating in the more vigorous activities, like spin class. At least for now.
And that's where I am and what I am up to.