Thursday, April 10, 2014

Brain Tumors Suck!

I think if this blog is read chronologically you could see how my attitude is going downhill since I started having these tumor related headaches.   Not too surprising.

Life is good.  Really it is.  It's just hard (and self centered) to see past the pain right now.  The pain is not so bad that it stops me in my tracks.  No, nothing like that.  It is more the constancy and persistence that is wearing me down.

Was woken up by a phone call from an unidentified caller who wasn't even there. After getting up and going out and letting the dog out (yada yada yada) I had my coffee and oatmeal and watched the Today Show.  My head was hurting.  I decided to lie down.  Then I decided to come upstairs, where I am now.   I thought I would lie down and nap.  But, instead I am here.

I took a Percocet before coming upstairs.   I have decided not to be afraid of pain pills.  At least for now.  Until my tumor leaves the building.  I guess the medicine has taken the edge off a bit.

I am thinking about sewing a dress that I cut out over a month ago.   Queen of unfinished projects, that's me.   I think that playing some music and sewing will make me feel better.   Taking a shower and getting dressed will help.  Now to conjure up the energy to do anything more than just sit here, in this chair.

It is a beautiful day today.  After I get dressed I am going to sit outside and close my eyes and enjoy the feeling of the sun on my face.  That I will do.  The rest, like sewing?  Maybe, maybe not.  We'll see.

Sitting here, in my study/ sewing room, I lean back and shut my eyes.   I feel like I am hallucinating.  Not the dizzy out of control kind.  Just the - words?  what words are there?   Just a nice feeling.   Colors, mainly red, coming through my closed eyelids.  And I am so tired.

I do love my life.  Just not this particular chapter.   Gonna get through this, and then look out world!


  1. Nancy, this sounds like a scary journey you're on. Another LLL friend of mine, a young mom, has had 2 surgeries in the past year to remove brain tumors. And she continues to write exquisite posts about her journey. It seems as if her senses of smell, sight, hearing, everything have been amplified. I hope that you experience relief and perhaps even amplification as you heal from your upcoming surgery. I'm so glad that your sister is near to provide love and care, and happy for you that your soulmate is there for you as well.

    1. zinnias, thank you for your kind words and encouragement. I have not really noticed my senses being enhanced with one exception. I am able to sit with my eyes closed and my head back and see/ feel the light coming through the filter of my eyelids. It is very calming.

      I am a pretty strong extrovert, and I find that writing about my experiences and sharing them is a very natural thing for me to do. It helps me feel connected. Since my husband is retired, I almost always have a driver if I don't feel up to driving. I also have company. And I am so glad my sister moved to Virginia a few years ago to be near her grandchildren. But my sister and I have always been each others cheering sections, so it is very comforting to know she is so close

      zinnia, do I know you from Facebook, or in person?