Friday, September 14, 2012

Now that we are home, what am I supposed to do?

We have only been home since Monday.  The day we got home I had all sorts of energy.  I washed dishes and swept the floor and whatever it is I do in the house.  Since that day I have been sort of wandering around the house not knowing what to do or where to start.

True to form, for me, I make lists.  I had a list for Wednesday that went something like this:
Clean bathrooms
Sweep and mop kitchen floor
Clean whole kitchen
Work on paying bills

As I get the chores done I check them off.  I do not know why, but I have always been a list maker.   When I am going on a trip, or even just to spend the night at my sister's house, I have to make a list of what to take.  I love marking things as done.  I feel like I have accomplished something.    When we were first married, and a few years later after Courtney was born, I would make lists of what I had gotten done.  I used to show Nick and say "see what I have done today."   It has always been hard for me to "do nothing".   I am usually knitting or cleaning when we watch TV in the evening.

Actually, in the last year or so, with Nick retired and only working occasionally, I have become a bit of a slug when Nick is at home.   We sit together and watch TV.   I feel a bit guilty about not doing something productive, but I am learning to feel less guilty and more accepting.

It is getting harder to get started.  Harder to make myself work.  The house is messier, but comfortable.  When there are no little ones crawling around or needing to be chased and fed all the time, you adjust to not doing those things.

So, what am I doing this weekend?  I honestly do not know.

This is a picture of us from our 1981 trip to Lake Havasu City and London Bridge.   Morgan was about 5 months old and Courtney was 3 years old.  And I was not even 30 yet!

Nite nite.

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