Saturday, July 5, 2014

Life is just too strange

Who would have ever thought I would end up with a brain tumor? Who would ever expect anyone to for that matter?  Brain tumors are something you hear about someone's second cousin twice removed, living in some place you have never heard of, gets.  Not anyone you know.  And definitely not yourself. Right?

And yet, here I am.  Sore throat still after almost three weeks.  Still having trouble swallowing and talking.  Still exhausted.  Needing naps.  Daily.   Every day.   Having trouble reading.  Not so much with comprehension, but with the act of reading.  Like my eye glasses prescription has changed (it probably has).

Going over my surgical report with my sister revealed to me that the surgery was not totally straight forward.  There were some unexpected findings.  My intubation went much harder than expected and so I am still having the throat issues I mentioned.  But, I am here.  Alive.  And happy about it.   I just think that I am in some sort of shock still.  Maybe I will be forever, I don't know.

I feel like I was just walking along, minding my own business when, wham, hey, how about a brain tumor. Your life has been going too well lately and it's your turn for shit to happen.  Yeah.  It's like that.

I think at this point, I am supposed to be thanking God or something.  But I haven't done that since I was about 7 years old.    "hey God, you know that little girl that got hit and killed by a car today.  Sucks to be her- thanks for saving MY life".  No, that doesn't work for me. 

I guess I could thank my doctor who took my headache seriously and ordered an MRI.  He found out that there was a tumor there.  And yeah, the team at Hopkins who also took me seriously and removed my tumor.  Yeah. Thanks guys.  Well done!  Keep up the good work! 

So, I am still here.  I am happy to be here.  Happy to be alive.   Taking a little break from my usual chaotic and busy life to take care of myself.  At least to take better care of myself than I have up to now.

As Kurt Vonnegut said "and so it goes"

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