Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Vanity I suppose

For lack of a better word.  Vanity.  Most of the people I know, care about how they look.  At least when they are going out with friends, or even out  just to the store.

I tend to be very casual in what I wear around the house.  I never wear a bra in the house unless we have company.  But, even if I am wearing bleach stained jeans and a stained up t-shirt, I want to feel clean and reasonably groomed.  If I skip a shower, I feel really grubby.   If I take a shower but don't wash my hair, same thing.

I have joked that it must be hard to be a real beauty because when you start losing your looks you start loosing your identity.   I never thought that I was any kind of great beauty.  I knew I was attractive enough to get the attention I wanted when I wanted it.

I read a funny thing on Facebook the other day.  It said "if only I could be a skinny as I was when I thought I was fat".     Boy did I ever used to be self conscious because  I had what I now know were curves.   Then I just felt fat.

So, yesterday evening I went to a meeting at my sister's place.  I looked around the room thinking how old all the people there were.  I certainly didn't belong with these old people.    Well, guess what?  I do.  This is my tribe, the silver haired, hearing aid set.  Oh yeah.

This morning I went to the gym to meet up with my new trainer and work out a plan.  I have not been in months because of my brain surgery, so I am re-entering slowly.

I went in feeling all pleased with my workout clothes, my water bottle, and wearing my sneakers.

I worked in the elliptical for a while.  Then I met with Kate, my trainer.  The place where we were talking has a big wall mirror.  When I looked in the mirror, at first I wasn't sure who I was seeing in there.  A tired looking, puffy face.  A face with ridges from my c-pap and the puffiness from not getting enough sleep.  Plus I need a hair cut, so I feel shaggy.

Yes, I have entered a new stage in my life/ development.        I am getting old.  I am aging.  Everyone can see that.  And I am surprising myself.

I also feel that I am entering into the stage where most conversation revolves about one's health.  We all go to the doctor more and have more issues that just linger

I have a friend who was diagnosed with lung cancer recently that has spread into one breast.  She is getting a port put in and will start chemo.

Another dear dear friend has discovered something "in situ"   She has breast cancer over 20 years ago when she was still breastfeeding.  It was so sad and difficult.  She had chemo and lost all of her hair. Now, next week, she is having a double mastectomy.  I am so sad that she has to do this.

Another friend is having a hysterectomy, not sure why.  But that's another part of the train ride. 

I know some tricks to help me be beautiful.  Make up..  Enough sleep.  Eating well

Okay, I am falling asleep here.  Gotta go.  Good night.

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