Monday, August 5, 2019

Piece by piece

There's a song I love, that I actually learned from the Muppet's Show.  It's called The Garden Song, by John Denver.  It starts with these lyrics:

Inch by inch, row by row
Gonna make this garden grow
All it takes is a rake and a hoe
And a piece of fertile ground
Inch by inch, row by row
Someone bless these seeds I sow
Someone warm them from below
Till the rain comes tumbling down
Pulling weeds and picking stones
Man is made of dreams and bones

Dreams and bones.   I thought of this song because I feel like I have been taken apart and put back together a piece at a time.

I dreamed of babies and children and I was the fertile ground where they grew.   I watched them grow as I grew too.  Into the mother of adults.   As they have grown into adults, I have grown into an older, maybe more fragile person.

I never really have thought of myself as fragile.   Mostly I have thought of myself as strong and self sufficient.  Of course I have had Nick to lean on.  But that adds to my strength rather than diminishing it.

Then five years ago I was diagnosed with the first of two brain tumors and all of a sudden I felt fragile.  But surviving that, and a second tumor/ brain surgery three years later took a lot out of me.  But still made me even stronger in so many ways.

And now, it's the bones. Dreams and bones.  My bones are now my weak bits.  My knees have decided that it's time to start hurting me and stop being taken advantage of.

Makes me think of another song, by Joni Mitchell in which she sings 

"don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got till it's gone?"  

So, tomorrow I am trading in one of my "fragile", painful knees for a new high tech (I am guessing at the high tech part) knee replacement.

I feel like my new scar from knee surgery is my badge into the club of old people, senior citizens.    It's okay, It had to happen and I am glad I am here.

I might write more after my surgery tomorrow.  We'll see.

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