That's right, tears and joy, not tears of joy. I have been weepy lately. I don't feel very good-physically I ache all over. It sucks.
Then, I started to think back to when I went over the handlebars of my bike. It was February 1998. I flew, and landed really hard. It hurt. A lot. As I lay in the roadway bleeding, my first thought was "this really hurts". My knee hurt. I was alive, or I wouldn't be in pain. My back was not broken because I was able to feel and move my feet. That was an important lesson for me that day. I need to remind myself that I do have a lot to be joyful about.
It is okay to be scared, sad and sometimes in pain. I am alive.
A friend of mine recently celebrated her 89th birthday. She was born the same year as my mother, who only got to live to the age of 77. This friend of mine is frail. Or fragile. I worry about her falling over- or ever just tipping in the wind. She is unsteady on her feet. She has had health problems for the last few years.
Even with all of her health concerns, and her age related frailty, this friend is happy to be alive. She recently changed some of her medication and is all of a sudden feeling much better. She has an appetite and is enjoying eating. She looks brighter and is more joyful.
Life is like that. You can be down and depressed or sad or in physical pain. Then you are not. Something somehow makes it better. Bearable. Worth living and smiling.
Just as we are all different physically- tall, short etc., we all have different experiences and genetics and brain chemistry. Al of these things have a direct (and not so direct) impact on our individual humor, sadness and general outlook.
Our outward self is always changing. So is our inward self; our brain, thoughts and spirit. Or, is the spirit always the same and just expressed based on- what? Indeed. What?