Wednesday, March 6, 2019

It depends.....

My life lately seems to be full of "well, it all depends".  When can we travel?  When will the old house sell.  When will I be able to have knee surgery? 

When?   I want to be spontaneous. Go on a trip with Nick, or alone.  I would like it to not be so dependent on all of the "it depends".

My sister was diagnosed with breast cancer.   She had a lumpectomy.  Now we wait to see what the pathology report says.   Then, depending on that report, what's next?   We wait.   A lot depends on it.

I want to have my knee surgery for knee replacement.   But I wait for the right time.   If my sister is going to need my support, I want to be able to be there for her.  There's a possibility of a  family wedding this coming summer.  On the west coast.  I need to be able to travel.  Then there's a LLL Alumnae trip to New Orleans in November that I plan to go on. 

Nick wants to travel.  How can we plan?   Will I be needed somewhere? Will I be physically able to travel?   Do I want to travel?

Our house in Reston has not sold yet.   It is a bit of a financial burden since we are still paying utilities and a mortgage.   And we have to maintain it so it is presentable to potential buyers.

We worry about our adult children.  Wanting to launch and launching are not the same thing- and both are hard.   Caring and worrying are exhausting.

I want to be able to do the domestic things I enjoy.  I have a great room in the basement in this new house.  It is my sewing/ crafting/ computing room.  But it is not ready to use yet.  I do a bit of unpacking every few days.  My new/ updated computer is at my nephew's house.  He did a lot of work on it and we have not been able to coordinate getting it to me. 

I am exhausted.  I want to have time to do nothing but house stuff.   I feel like I go out every day. 

I do physical therapy, LLL, Weight Watchers, see my sister when I can.  All good and necessary but every time I do an activity it takes energy.

Today I had an MRI.   Another multi hour activity.

Oh yeah, I need to make an appointment for Buddy the dog to have his nails clipped.  I've been saying that for months now.

And so it goes. 

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