Same house, same fireplace, same people: | ||
| Courtney 15, Morgan 12, Darcy 9, Austin 6 & Chance 3 |
 |
| Courtney 35, Morgan 32, Darcy 29, Austin 26 & Chance 23 |
Monday, December 23, 2013
Twenty Years Later- 1993 to 2013
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Good night!
All of the kids are here. They are excitedly chattering away with each other as Nick lays in bed sleeping and I am about to join him soon.
Nick and I have wrapped all the gifts and put them under the tree. We are doing Christmas tomorrow morning since Darcy is heading back to North Carolina before the actual day.
Nick's mother is coming over and we are going to have Christmas lunch here with her. We are having tacos and burritos. Not very seasonal I guess, but something we all like.
Here's what I wrote on Facebook a few minutes ago:
Nick and I have wrapped all the gifts and put them under the tree. We are doing Christmas tomorrow morning since Darcy is heading back to North Carolina before the actual day.
Nick's mother is coming over and we are going to have Christmas lunch here with her. We are having tacos and burritos. Not very seasonal I guess, but something we all like.
Here's what I wrote on Facebook a few minutes ago:
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Friday, December 20, 2013
Almost Christmas
It's 54 degrees outside and it is almost Christmas. We have had Christmas north of the Arctic Circle, where it was dark and snowy, we have had Christmas south of the equator where it was sunny and hot and we went to the beach. We've had Christmas all over the world with no kids at first, then more and more kids. When we got to five kids, they only stayed home for a short while, then they have slowly drifted off to make their own lives.
We have never spent a Christmas with no kids since we became parents, and I hope we never do. But I guess anything can happen.
I have been excitedly anticipating what it would be like to have all of my adult children home at the same time. And I have been worrying about it. I never really had a home to go back to once we were married. My mom had a place and my dad had a place. But neither of them felt like "home". Nick had a home, where he grew up. His parent's house, which was my home too in many ways.
So, I wonder if it is hard to walk through your childhood door and not feel like a child again. I want so much not to make my kids feel like they are "kids" in the sense of me being their authoritative mother/ parent person. I am not sure what the words are that i am looking for here. I don't want to say anything that makes anyone feel like I am talking down to them. I don't want the kids hear me in a way that makes them feel in any way diminished. I am so happy to have them around. I am so full of awe at the wonderful people they are and are becoming. I love them and am in love with them. I know that a thoughtless word from me, their mother, can hurt in a way nobody else's word can.
So I ask questions. I learn. I soak it all in. The presence of my babies (there I said it), all grown into these adults that I am happy to know.
Chance drove up from Richmond yesterday, arriving in the afternoon. Morgan arrived a little bit after 7:00 pm. Courtney arrived this afternoon. Darcy is driving up from North Carolina tomorrow. Austin had some time off from work, so he can be with everyone.
Courtney is in her old bedroom. Morgan is in Chance's old bedroom and Chance is in Morgan's. Austin is in his room, and Darcy will be in his old room. It must feel strange and familiar to them all.
It is all so different than when they were an everyday, all day part of my life, and Nick's. So much drama has taken place in this house. And much joy and laughter and all around silliness.
And now, I am going to go to bed!
We have never spent a Christmas with no kids since we became parents, and I hope we never do. But I guess anything can happen.
I have been excitedly anticipating what it would be like to have all of my adult children home at the same time. And I have been worrying about it. I never really had a home to go back to once we were married. My mom had a place and my dad had a place. But neither of them felt like "home". Nick had a home, where he grew up. His parent's house, which was my home too in many ways.
So, I wonder if it is hard to walk through your childhood door and not feel like a child again. I want so much not to make my kids feel like they are "kids" in the sense of me being their authoritative mother/ parent person. I am not sure what the words are that i am looking for here. I don't want to say anything that makes anyone feel like I am talking down to them. I don't want the kids hear me in a way that makes them feel in any way diminished. I am so happy to have them around. I am so full of awe at the wonderful people they are and are becoming. I love them and am in love with them. I know that a thoughtless word from me, their mother, can hurt in a way nobody else's word can.
So I ask questions. I learn. I soak it all in. The presence of my babies (there I said it), all grown into these adults that I am happy to know.
Chance drove up from Richmond yesterday, arriving in the afternoon. Morgan arrived a little bit after 7:00 pm. Courtney arrived this afternoon. Darcy is driving up from North Carolina tomorrow. Austin had some time off from work, so he can be with everyone.
Courtney is in her old bedroom. Morgan is in Chance's old bedroom and Chance is in Morgan's. Austin is in his room, and Darcy will be in his old room. It must feel strange and familiar to them all.
It is all so different than when they were an everyday, all day part of my life, and Nick's. So much drama has taken place in this house. And much joy and laughter and all around silliness.
And now, I am going to go to bed!
Friday, December 13, 2013
Ugly Christmas Sweaters?
For the past few years, maybe longer, there has been the annual fuss over "ugly Christmas sweaters". I actually like sweaters that are decorated for the holidays. I guess it's the same as the fuss over so called obnoxious and generic Christmas letters. I often keep these letters as a way of keeping track of far flung family and friends.
I knew that somewhere I had a picture of myself in a Christmas sweater, so the search was on. I have so many thousands of pictures, it was hard to know where to look. My digital photos are arranged pretty much by date or topic "Sherwood kid's pictures" for example. But when you cannot remember what year a picture was taken, the search gets tough. After looking through all of my picture folders that should logically hold Christmas pictures, I all but gave up. Then I decided to search through Picasa. This is a program that I do not really understand, and seldom use. But I know that it categorizes pictures through facial recognition- somehow. I looked and looked, and there I was. Christmas 2002, in my sister's living room in Ellicott City, Maryland.
I knew that somewhere I had a picture of myself in a Christmas sweater, so the search was on. I have so many thousands of pictures, it was hard to know where to look. My digital photos are arranged pretty much by date or topic "Sherwood kid's pictures" for example. But when you cannot remember what year a picture was taken, the search gets tough. After looking through all of my picture folders that should logically hold Christmas pictures, I all but gave up. Then I decided to search through Picasa. This is a program that I do not really understand, and seldom use. But I know that it categorizes pictures through facial recognition- somehow. I looked and looked, and there I was. Christmas 2002, in my sister's living room in Ellicott City, Maryland.
Wearing that sweater! I thought it was a pretty sweater!
Merry Christmas!
12 days till Christmas!
I don't know if I should be worried or panicking or what. I am not really either of those things. I have a lot on my mind though.
It looks like all five kids will be home. I hope. Four of them for sure. Darcy, I hope, but am not sure. Nick bought a gift for Hannah when he was in Afghanistan, so I hope that they come.
We are having the Extended Family Christmas party/ dinner on Sunday. I need to buy a few things for the party, and am hoping that Carol's maids will come here on Saturday. If not, Nick and I will clean.
I have written a rough draft of our Christmas letter. The cards are here. I need to write and print the letters, address the envelopes and mail them. So far this year we have received two cards. Not enough to make a decorative card display, but that's why I save old cards from previous years.
I think about writing, but then don't. I have so many stories of events in my life that I need to write down. When I am telling people about various events in my life, they always say "you should write a book". Does that mean my life is interesting, or is that just a polite way of saying to me to stop talking?
I always thought I would start to really write after my mother died. There were just too many things I thought I would want to say about her that I wouldn't want her to read. But now she's gone and I am not sure exactly what I thought was so important and private. Oh well.
The last few nights I have actually gone to sleep without much trouble and have woken up feeling human! Yesterday, after my workout at the gym, I felt great! Really energized. All too often I walk in there feeling too tired to do much and just as tired when I leave. Being rested makes life so much better!
Ok, on that note, good night.
It looks like all five kids will be home. I hope. Four of them for sure. Darcy, I hope, but am not sure. Nick bought a gift for Hannah when he was in Afghanistan, so I hope that they come.
We are having the Extended Family Christmas party/ dinner on Sunday. I need to buy a few things for the party, and am hoping that Carol's maids will come here on Saturday. If not, Nick and I will clean.
I have written a rough draft of our Christmas letter. The cards are here. I need to write and print the letters, address the envelopes and mail them. So far this year we have received two cards. Not enough to make a decorative card display, but that's why I save old cards from previous years.
I think about writing, but then don't. I have so many stories of events in my life that I need to write down. When I am telling people about various events in my life, they always say "you should write a book". Does that mean my life is interesting, or is that just a polite way of saying to me to stop talking?
I always thought I would start to really write after my mother died. There were just too many things I thought I would want to say about her that I wouldn't want her to read. But now she's gone and I am not sure exactly what I thought was so important and private. Oh well.
The last few nights I have actually gone to sleep without much trouble and have woken up feeling human! Yesterday, after my workout at the gym, I felt great! Really energized. All too often I walk in there feeling too tired to do much and just as tired when I leave. Being rested makes life so much better!
Ok, on that note, good night.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Awake
Insomnia is a curse. It seems like I bring it on myself. Sitting at the computer late at night. Reading Facebook. I admit, the screen time probably doesn't help. But even when I try to get to bed at a decent hour, I just lie there and cannot fall asleep. I look at the clock. I roll over away from the clock. I close my eyes and breathe deep and try to relax and fall asleep. But I am wide awake. So I look at the clock again. The time goes fast. One minute it might be midnight, the next it's 2:30 am.
I make lists. On paper and in my head. Sometimes if I write a list before I go to bed, I can sleep because I have made the list already.
Sometimes, too often probably, I think about my kids. Each and every one. I never used to understand what it would be like to have a "big" family. I guess by most people's standards, five kids makes a big family. The thing is, it's not like I feel I have any spares. I am in love with each one of them. I think that when you have your first (when I had my first), I knew I wanted more children. But when it looked like that might not happen, I knew that I would be happy that I had at least the one I got.
Then I did have more children. I learned that love doesn't divide when you have more children. The bond between mother and child deepens as there are more children to love. It's like your heart just keeps growing.
Every year when the kids got on the school bus on the first day of school, I would cry. One year a mom at the bus stop asked me why I was crying. She said "you don't have anyone in kindergarten this year". No, I didn't. But seeing the bus driving away with my heart was tough.
I have been upset and angry and yelled at every one of the kids, more than once I am sure. It is not easy living with other people. Even if they share your DNA, sometimes you don't like what they are doing -or not doing. Sometimes parents have their own demons and no release, so when one of the kids tears a shirt or jumps on the furniture, you just lose it.
Other times, when they are reading or helping in the kitchen, or just sharing and activity or a secret with a sibling, you smile all over. Nick and I have shared looks and smile across the dinner table more times that anyone could ever count.
Something I bet the kids don't know. Every time Nick or I had a birthday, we would wish for another baby when we blew out our candles. Even after we knew we would not be having more, we had a little piece of wistfulness thinking about it.
When Courtney was in third grade, she came home from school one day and told me that she was going to be Martha Washington in her class play- in less than a week. So, in a slight panic, I went shopping for a pattern and fabric and made her a dress in which she could be Martha Washington. When I went to school to see her play, I thought she looked so beautiful in front of the room. When she opened her mouth to recite her lines (I honestly don't remember what she said), I was surprised by the tears pouring down my cheeks. Ah, perfection in my little girl's whole self at that moment. They don't tell you that you fall in love with your children over and over throughout their lives. Who knew? Not me.
Morgan was a cute, silly, quiet (in public) boy. He always seemed to have friends to ride bikes with. When he learned to ride the unicycle, and was in a unicycle troupe, he amazed us all. He always rode with such skill I couldn't believe it. And he was always smiling as he performed.
Darcy was the one his grandmother said of "I would hate to be his first grade teacher". He has the sunniest smile and disposition. He was a cuddler. But, when nobody was looking, look out world. I remember standing in the front yard talking to a neighbor when Courtney came out to tell me Darcy was writing on the walls. Not only was he "writing", he was scribbling on the whole stairway wall- with a red crayon! Sweet and sassy my boy "D-a-Darcy-y"
Austin was my long awaited natural birth. He was healthy, strong and amazingly easy as a newborn. He nursed well, and then would sleep for so long I would worry. But he grew like a weed, so I guess he just had his own way of doing things pretty much since day one. Austin was a beautiful boy with his blond hair, blue eyes and pink cheeks. I always have felt that Austin got more Norwegian blood than the rest of the kids. He had good friends, and I remember when were leaving Australia, his friends held up their arms for him to walk under- like walking under swords for a service man. This was their special salute for Austin. Austin is sensitive, strong, smart and capable. Like both of his parents, he has periods of doubt in himself. Life is hard, but mostly it's good.
Chance, the "baby" brings up the rear. I was the youngest in my family and I used to hate being called the "baby". Now I am doing it to my kid! Chance, like his older siblings, was a much wanted baby. On the days when I was feeling tired or sick and overwhelmed by the four kids I already had, I would look at my pregnant belly and ask myself "what were you thinking?" Born two months early, at 32 week, the early days and months of Chance's life were pretty scarey. It took a lot of work and dedication from family and friends to get Chance well and striving. But strive he did. Elementary, middle and high school were all a challenge for Chance as well as his parents! That is an understatement! Once Chance started college, and even more so since he has moved to Richmond, he has become a really interesting adult. I am sure he has always been interesting, don't get me wrong. Living away from home and being responsible for himself every day has really made Chance an interesting and introspective person. Maybe he was like that before, but I think when he was living at home, he wasn't able to express himself, at least to his parents, like he does now. My youngest child is a grown up man. How about that!
I make lists. On paper and in my head. Sometimes if I write a list before I go to bed, I can sleep because I have made the list already.
Sometimes, too often probably, I think about my kids. Each and every one. I never used to understand what it would be like to have a "big" family. I guess by most people's standards, five kids makes a big family. The thing is, it's not like I feel I have any spares. I am in love with each one of them. I think that when you have your first (when I had my first), I knew I wanted more children. But when it looked like that might not happen, I knew that I would be happy that I had at least the one I got.
Then I did have more children. I learned that love doesn't divide when you have more children. The bond between mother and child deepens as there are more children to love. It's like your heart just keeps growing.
Every year when the kids got on the school bus on the first day of school, I would cry. One year a mom at the bus stop asked me why I was crying. She said "you don't have anyone in kindergarten this year". No, I didn't. But seeing the bus driving away with my heart was tough.
I have been upset and angry and yelled at every one of the kids, more than once I am sure. It is not easy living with other people. Even if they share your DNA, sometimes you don't like what they are doing -or not doing. Sometimes parents have their own demons and no release, so when one of the kids tears a shirt or jumps on the furniture, you just lose it.
Other times, when they are reading or helping in the kitchen, or just sharing and activity or a secret with a sibling, you smile all over. Nick and I have shared looks and smile across the dinner table more times that anyone could ever count.
Something I bet the kids don't know. Every time Nick or I had a birthday, we would wish for another baby when we blew out our candles. Even after we knew we would not be having more, we had a little piece of wistfulness thinking about it.
 |
| My mom's last Christmas with all 5 of my kids, 2003 |
When Courtney was in third grade, she came home from school one day and told me that she was going to be Martha Washington in her class play- in less than a week. So, in a slight panic, I went shopping for a pattern and fabric and made her a dress in which she could be Martha Washington. When I went to school to see her play, I thought she looked so beautiful in front of the room. When she opened her mouth to recite her lines (I honestly don't remember what she said), I was surprised by the tears pouring down my cheeks. Ah, perfection in my little girl's whole self at that moment. They don't tell you that you fall in love with your children over and over throughout their lives. Who knew? Not me.
Morgan was a cute, silly, quiet (in public) boy. He always seemed to have friends to ride bikes with. When he learned to ride the unicycle, and was in a unicycle troupe, he amazed us all. He always rode with such skill I couldn't believe it. And he was always smiling as he performed.
Darcy was the one his grandmother said of "I would hate to be his first grade teacher". He has the sunniest smile and disposition. He was a cuddler. But, when nobody was looking, look out world. I remember standing in the front yard talking to a neighbor when Courtney came out to tell me Darcy was writing on the walls. Not only was he "writing", he was scribbling on the whole stairway wall- with a red crayon! Sweet and sassy my boy "D-a-Darcy-y"
Austin was my long awaited natural birth. He was healthy, strong and amazingly easy as a newborn. He nursed well, and then would sleep for so long I would worry. But he grew like a weed, so I guess he just had his own way of doing things pretty much since day one. Austin was a beautiful boy with his blond hair, blue eyes and pink cheeks. I always have felt that Austin got more Norwegian blood than the rest of the kids. He had good friends, and I remember when were leaving Australia, his friends held up their arms for him to walk under- like walking under swords for a service man. This was their special salute for Austin. Austin is sensitive, strong, smart and capable. Like both of his parents, he has periods of doubt in himself. Life is hard, but mostly it's good.
Chance, the "baby" brings up the rear. I was the youngest in my family and I used to hate being called the "baby". Now I am doing it to my kid! Chance, like his older siblings, was a much wanted baby. On the days when I was feeling tired or sick and overwhelmed by the four kids I already had, I would look at my pregnant belly and ask myself "what were you thinking?" Born two months early, at 32 week, the early days and months of Chance's life were pretty scarey. It took a lot of work and dedication from family and friends to get Chance well and striving. But strive he did. Elementary, middle and high school were all a challenge for Chance as well as his parents! That is an understatement! Once Chance started college, and even more so since he has moved to Richmond, he has become a really interesting adult. I am sure he has always been interesting, don't get me wrong. Living away from home and being responsible for himself every day has really made Chance an interesting and introspective person. Maybe he was like that before, but I think when he was living at home, he wasn't able to express himself, at least to his parents, like he does now. My youngest child is a grown up man. How about that!
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