Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Loss

I think about all of the losses I have had in my life.  It's a lot.  Everyone experiences loss.  Loss of a sibling.  Loss of a friend.  Loss of a parent. Loss of a pet.  And worst of all, loss of a child.

All of the losses really weigh me down.  But, recently it occurred to me that, while these are huge holes in my life and my heart, these losses are not only mine.   When I lost my brother, my kids lost an uncle.   Each and every one of the losses in my life have been losses to my family in one way or another. 

Sometimes it is the loss of a family member- my family is their family after all.   I have lost some friends over the years.  Some my kids have known and, most they have not.  But each of those losses effects them too because when I lose a piece of the puzzle that is me, the people who share my life with me have lost that part of me that was special with that friend.   So I have another piece of myself gone.

Our cat Pooh is close to death.  That's what has me thinking about this stuff.  He has been with us for over 14 years.   We love him.  We know he will be gone soon and we will cry and be sad and heart broken.   I know that if we took him to the vet, we would be told that the kindest thing would be have Pooh put to sleep.   Maybe so.  I am pretty sure that if I didn't have Nick and Austin's feelings to consider, I would have taken Pooh a while ago.

Pooh is absolutely skeletal.   He keeps losing weight- as of yesterday he weighed only six pound.  This is the cat everyone use to laugh at because he was so fat- almost twenty pounds once upon a time.

Then, he fools us all.  He eats like there's no tomorrow (he may know something).  He walks all over the house, upstairs and down.  Into chairs and onto the kitchen table.  How he does it I do not know.  

His poop is the stinkiest thing in the world.  Awful diarrhea. Oh god it is terrible.  And that alone makes me believe that his next breath could be his last.

Yet, right now he has managed to climb/ jump into the soft chair here in my study.  He is lying in a "C" and he is purring like he did as a kitten.  Loud like a power saw.

I am afraid of losing loved ones, furry and human.   But it happens.  Too all of us.   I don't get it, but I am sure a lot of people cannot make sense out of it.

That's why religion can be so important and can take such a stronghold on a person.  We need the comfort of a story that explains life and death and their meanings.   And that's when I kind of, almost, wish I had a faith that I could soak in.

Busy this week, as all of my weeks seem to have been lately.  One LC call yesterday.  One tomorrow, Two Thursday.   So many mothers and babies.  I guess that's my faith!


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