Almost every day I tell myself that I am going to write on my blog. Then I don't. Then I feel like I have not gotten my homework done. That's not the idea. That's not what I had in mind when I started this blog.
I have been incredibly busy with lactation calls this past week or so. And with health stuff too.
The moms I have helped with breastfeeding are a very international group. I helped a Korean mom and baby, a woman from Pakistan, and her baby. A new mom from Morocco with her baby, and her family, all of whom spoke to each other in French and Arabic, neither of which I know. Saw a Polish mom with an American husband and a beautiful new baby girl. And a mom from Senegal.
Today I went into the office at The Breastfeeding Center of Greater Washington and worked seeing moms and babies there. It's the first time I have done that, and I really enjoyed it. The families I worked with today were Indian mother, a Nigerian mother, and American partners. I love the concerned fathers, not knowing how to help, but desperately wanting to. And the grandmothers all have my heart. Often the grandmothers don't speak any English, but I connect with them. I see how much they love their daughters even more than they realized that they could.
Tomorrow (it's after midnight, so today officially) I don't have anything scheduled. I know I will do laundry. I will try to get to the gym. I'll try to go visit my sister. Maybe I will knit too.
I always think I want time to just sit and do nothing. To just sit around all day in my pajamas and watch TV and knit. But, then, when I have days like that, I feel lazy and slovenly and often depressed.
Days like today and the other days this week, where I am driving all over the place and spending time with stressed, tearful new moms, I feel charged. I help these moms. Even if I cannot fix their problem, or they choose to do things differently that I suggest, I know that they feel better after our meeting. I have been there. I have cried from being overly hormonal after giving birth. I have had sore nipples and engorged breasts, thrush and cracked nipples. I have felt the uncertainty of my trust for my body to know what to do and to function they way I had expected. I know that these moms are scared, exhausted, sometimes in pain, sometimes just overwhelmed by the power the responsibility for this small baby holds over them. I have experienced these things. I know that it can be difficult and for some women, impossible to overcome all of the problems and concerns. I help women realize that they are not a failure. They are a success by virtue of the fact that they care enough to seek help. That if they decided that they cannot go on with breastfeeding, they are strong and capable and they need to redefine their own definition of success.
Yeah, I do all that. I love being that person. That mentor. That mother. That teacher, and that helper.