I'm not sure where the tradition of saying rabbit rabbit on the first day of the month started. Nick's family did it. Mine didn't. In fact I had never heard it before.
Yesterday was another hard day at physical therapy. I need to be able to stretch my knee joint and I am not quite there yet. It's so hard and I am so scared that I won't get to be where I need to be before the scar tissue sets in permanently.
I am feeling old. For the first time in my life, I honestly feel like I am old. Nothing wrong with old. It's just my mind tells me that old means limited. Limited in what I will be able to do. Limited in being who I feel like I am. I have to tell myself that I will regain some of my energy. My body has just been through a lot.
Today I meet a hematologist to see what I can learn about my health concerning my blood clot,the medication I am on, and what my near and far future look like.
I did so well on Weight Watchers, but since my surgery I have gained. Not a ton, "only" 6 pounds. But I am going in the wrong direction.
My eyes are really messed up. I don't know what's going on. I can barely read the words on the TV. My vision is blurry. Even though I now have permission to drive, I don't. Partly because I don't feel physically ready, but even more so, the fact that my vision is so off.
I must see my eye doctor, but decided to wait to see the other doctors and find out if this is a result of medication.
There are so many things I want to do. Not really a bucket list per se . Just places and things I want to do and see. First I need to find out when I'll be eligible to fly again (blood clot). And when will I feel well enough.
I am really looking forward to the train trip to New Orleans next month with my sister. Nick is worried that it might be "too much" for me. I understand his concern. If I cannot keep up, I can hang around the hotel, rest, swim and take a slower pace.
I think often of my mother. She has her disabling stroke when she was younger than I am. She was an independent, feisty person up to then. I wish she had talked about her experiences being stuck in her broken body. I wish I had know what questions to ask. Maybe she tried to tell us. I was so busy with my own life. Kids, school activities, travel.
I wonder if my own children see me as broken, old? I will not ask them and put them in an uncomfortable position. I know that they love me and they know that I love them.