I had my endoscopy this morning. I took in the copy of my surgical report (from my brain surgery) and my swallow study report. Based on those and the finding in the swallow study that I have an obstruction from my goiter, the anesthesiologist declined to sedate me. She was afraid I might stop breathing and would have to be intubated. (I was at a hospital not just a "center"). She was afraid that my trachea might have a bend or kink from the goiter and there is no way to know without an MRI.
So, I had my endoscopy with no
sedation, just some numbing spray in the throat. It was not painful,
but it was pretty awful. Thank goodness it was quick!
gastroenterologist said I need to have my goiter removed. I know that.
The swallow study said that. I have been to numerous endocrinologists
and have not had much success. I am on medication. I have been on
thyroid medications since 1995. One doctor fired me because I gained
weight. The most recent endo doc does not believe in some of the
medications I have mentioned- i.e. Armour.
I am wiped out. I
hate my body- all of the things that keep going wrong. I think of an
old car. You repair one part and discover other things.
And, I called and cancelled my dental appointment. I was supposed to go in
tomorrow for extractions. Even though I won't have general anesthesia, I
was planning to take something (Valium?) to calm me. Now I am afraid,
with my restricted airway, to take or use anything that will chemically
relax me. I don't want to stop breathing just yet.
The dentist's office was not too happy. They had blocked out three hours for me tomorrow. I feel a little guilty about that. I have to remind myself, they work for me not the other way around.
I am sitting here staring at my computer screen because I don't know
what to do next. Friends recommend their endocrinologist and tell you
how wonderful doctor so and so is. But then I go and don't feel the
same way. Nobody I know has the same issues I have, so I cannot rely on
opinions alone. I may ask my neurosurgeon's office at Johns Hopkins.
I feel paralyzed right now. I wish I could just be a kid and have
someone take care of me! Although, being a kid was not all that much fun either.