Friday, November 14, 2014

My life right now

I sit and watch TV and feel sort of calm and sort of lost.  Like I just want to zone out.  I notice things around the house, that, at one time in my life would have either made me mad "why doesn't anyone see this mess but me", or energized into doing the tasks myself.  I have always been a list maker.   I make lists of appointments and lists of chores and tasks that need doing.  At least that I think need to be done.     I have lists saved in my computer that are titled "what Mom wants for Mother's Day 2006 (pick a year)".  These list are all made up of chores I would like to have done.  I don't really need any things.  And my kids don't need to spend money, but they can do physical labor.  Of course, they are all grown up now pretty much.

And now, at least today, I don't care.  I might tomorrow.   I do notice and appreciate when someone takes out the trash or sweeps the floor.  Or whatever.  I think I am just mainly feeling sort of worn out from being so overwhelmed.   This has not been the best year of my life.  Not the worst, but not the best either.

Funny though, the other day, when I was in the house all alone, I got really charged up.  I pulled the furniture out and vacuumed behind everything.  It felt so good.  I think maybe that is part of what I am living with too- the lack of solitude.  Not that anyone bothers me, that's not it.   I just want to be the only human in the house sometime.  I don't want to share the air with another person.  No, not all the time.  But some of the time.   I think I am a sieve.  My energy flows out when I am not alone and it flows back in when I am alone.   Yes, I am an extrovert.  But I still need to be alone.

I know the expression "a champagne life on a beer budget" or something like that.  I feel like I am a high energy person running on empty, or close to it.

As I said, I am a list maker.  If I don't' write down all of my upcoming appointments, of which there are way too many right now- I will forget something.

Here is my current list, and I am sure things will be added in as time goes by.


Mom’s Schedule        

Mom’s Schedule        (updated December 1, 2014)

  December-January 2014-15   

Tu    December 2, Nancy for swallow study at P.W Hospital 2:00 pm

W    December 3, Gym with trainer at noon

Th    December 4, Nancy to neurologist 1:45

Sa    December 6, Chance’s birthday!
       Nancy to attend BCGW party

 Su    December 7, Christmas party at our house

Tu    December 9, Starbucks

Th    December 11, 11 am:  M&B Matters luncheon at La Madeline

M    December 15, Nancy to Dr Clayton

Tu    December 16, Starbucks

Th    December 18, LLL PM

Sa    December 20  8:30 pm sleep study

Tu    December 23, Starbucks

Th    December 25th, Christmas!!

M     January 5 Pulmonologist 10:00 am Reston Office   

M    January 26  11:15 Endocrinologist

W    January 28  7:00 am Endoscopy at Fair Oaks Hospital

Th    January 29  11:00 am Periodontist   


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