And...here I am again

How I look when I first wake up, and how I look after a shower, coffee and makeup

 

 I feel like I "should" write more often.  At least once a day I think to myself (who else) that I should blog about this or that.  Then I don't.  Then I think that the moment for that post has passed. And so on and on and on.

I'm not sure if I am boring or am bored, or what. I feel like I have lived a very un-boring life.   Nick and I have traveled and lived all over.  Had five babies in four different places.  Raised said babies in a variety of places and circumstances.   And now they are all adults and all five live in different places.  

When I write to the kids and ask them to write- usually I ask by asking questions that they can answer- I wonder if I am perceived by them as being passive aggressive?   Maybe.  I am afraid that's how I make them feel.  When all I want is to connect.    They all carry my DNA and all came out of me an are a part of me.   It's a common theme.  Parents of adults often feel left out and left behind.   I guess it's normal.

I think I am still recovering from the Pandemic on some level.  Sort of feeling uncertain about life.  

I was reflecting that when my grandson is 20 I will be 90.  If I live to be 90.   At 70, I know that I am running towards the end of my life.   When each of our kids were born it felt like a new beginning. So much to look forward to.  Each first smile, first step and all of the other "firsts".   It's all about looking ahead.   It's exhausting and not always easy.  But as a memory it's wonderful to think about.

Living overseas in the days before email- most of our foreign service career- was so hard in many ways.  I missed my friends.  I was homesick.  I missed my family.  I missed "normal" things like going to the grocery store on Sunday or after 5:00pm.   Each place we lived had it's own unique charm.  But each place also had it's deficiencies and disappointments.  

I often think (and probably say) that if I had been more on top of my feelings and acknowledged my sadness and depression I would have been able to enjoy our new homes better.   Oh well, can't go back.

At least Nick and I can reminisce and remember together.   

I have been on a couple of wonderful Zoom meetings in the last month or so.  One involved Marian Tompson, one of the founders of La Leche League, talking about her life and how LLL came about.  I intend to write all about it eventually.

Then this week I zoomed with some La Leche League friends from my "past".  Some women I have known since I was pregnant with Austin- who is now 37 years old.  I am still in LLL and they are not anymore, but the bond will always be there.

I read, I knit and I watch TV.   I want to dance.  I want to travel.   I want to have fun.  In short, I guess I don't want to be "old" whatever that means.

Pumpkin hat for grandson Galileo's first Halloween!

 

I keep saying and telling myself that once I have my second knee replacement I will be able to do a lot more.  Once I get through the terrible pain of the surgery and recovery I hope that's true!

Hardware from my knee replacement and bone on bone soon to be replaced too