Saturday, August 31, 2024

Article from The Atlantic Magazine

 

Why Trump’s Arlington Debacle Is So Serious

The former president violated one of America’s most sacred places.

Trump giving the thumbs up at Arlington National Cemetery
@GovCox / X

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The section of Arlington National Cemetery that Donald Trump visited on Monday is both the liveliest and the most achingly sad part of the grand military graveyard, set aside for veterans of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. In Section 60, young widows can be seen using clippers and scissors to groom the grass around their husbands’ tombstones as lots of children run about.

Karen Meredith knows the saddest acre in America only too well. The California resident’s son, First Lieutenant Kenneth Ballard, was the fourth generation of her family to serve as an Army officer. He was killed in Najaf, Iraq, in 2004, and laid to rest in Section 60. She puts flowers on his gravesite every Memorial Day. “It’s not a number, not a headstone,” she told me. “He was my only child.”

The sections of Arlington holding Civil War and World War I dead have a lonely and austere beauty. Not Section 60, where the atmosphere is sanctified but not somber—too many kids, Meredith recalled from her visits to her son’s burial site. “We laugh, we pop champagne. I have met men who served under him, and they speak of him with such respect. And to think that this man”—she was referring to Trump—“came here and put his thumb up—”

She fell silent for a moment on the telephone, taking a gulp of air. “I’m trying not to cry.”

For Trump, defiling what is sacred in our civic culture borders on a pastime. Peacefully transferring power to the next president, treating political adversaries with at least rudimentary grace, honoring those soldiers wounded and disfigured in service of our country—Trump long ago walked roughshod over all these norms. Before he tried to overturn a national election, he mocked his opponents in the crudest terms and demeaned dead soldiers as “suckers.”

But the former president outdid himself this week, when he attended a wreath-laying ceremony honoring 13 American soldiers killed in a suicide bombing in Kabul during the final havoc-marked hours of the American withdrawal. Trump laid three wreaths and put hand over heart; that is a time-honored privilege of presidents. Trump, as is his wont, went further. He walked to a burial site in Section 60 and posed with the family of a fallen soldier, grinning broadly and giving a thumbs-up for his campaign photographer and videographer.

Few spaces in the United States join the sacred and the secular to more moving effect than Arlington National Cemetery, 624 acres set on a bluff overlooking the Potomac River and our nation’s capital. More than 400,000 veterans and their dependents have been laid to rest here, among them nearly 400 Medal of Honor recipients. Rows of matching white tombstones stretch to the end of sight.

A cemetery employee politely attempted to stop the campaign staff from filming in Section 60. Taking campaign photos and videos at gravesites is expressly forbidden under federal law. The Trump entourage, according to a subsequent statement by the U.S. Army, which oversees the cemetery, “abruptly pushed” her aside.

Trump’s campaign soon posted a video on TikTok, overlaid with Trump’s narration: “We didn’t lose one person in 18 months. And then they”—the Biden administration—“took over, that disaster of leaving Afghanistan.”

Trump was unsurprisingly not telling the truth; 11 soldiers were killed in Afghanistan in his last year in office, and his administration had itself negotiated the withdrawal. But such fabrications are incidental sins compared with what came next. A top Trump adviser, Chris LaCivita, and campaign spokesperson Steven Cheung talked to reporters and savaged the employee who had tried to stop the entourage. Cheung referred to her as “an unnamed individual, clearly suffering a mental-health episode.” LaCivita declared her a “despicable individual” who ought to be fired.

There was, of course, another way to handle this mistake. Governor Spencer Cox of Utah had accompanied Trump to the cemetery, and his campaign emailed out photos of the governor and the former president there. When challenged, Cox did what is foreign to Trump: He apologized. “You are correct,” Cox replied to a person criticizing the event on X, adding, “It did not go through the proper channels and should not have been sent. My campaign will be sending out an apology.”

This was not a judgment call, or a minor violation of obscure bureaucratic boilerplate. In the regulations governing visitors and behavior at Arlington National Cemetery, many paragraphs lay out what behavior is acceptable and what is not. These read not as suggestions but as commandments. Memorial services are intended to honor the fallen, the regulations note, with a rough eloquence: “Partisan activities are inappropriate in Arlington National Cemetery, due to its role as a shrine to all the honored dead of the Armed Forces of the United States and out of respect for the men and women buried there and for their families.”

As the clamor of revulsion swelled this week, LaCivita did not back off. On Wednesday, the Trump adviser posted a photo of Trump at Arlington Cemetery on X and added these words: “The Photo that shook the world and reminded America who the real Commander in Chief is …August 26th 2024 ..Mark the day ⁦@KamalaHarris⁩ and weak ⁦@JoeBiden.”

The Army, which is historically loath to enter politics, issued a rare statement yesterday rebuking the Trump campaign, noting that ceremony participants “had been made aware” of relevant federal laws “prohibiting political activities” and that the employee “acted with professionalism.” The Army said it “considers this matter closed” because the cemetery employee had declined to press charges.

Meanwhile, an unrepentant Trump team kept stoking the controversy. Yesterday, LaCivita posted another photo of Trump at Arlington and added this: “Reposting this hoping to trigger the hacks at @SecArmy”—the Army secretary’s office.

It had the quality of middle-school graffiti, suggesting that Trump viewed the controversy as yet another chance to mock his critics before moving on to the next outrage. For grieving families with loved ones buried in Section 60, moving on is not so easy.

How old, I asked Meredith, was your son at the time of his death? “He was 26,” she replied. “He did not have time to live. I didn’t get to dance at his wedding. I didn’t get to play with grandkids.”

This week, all she could do was call out a crude and self-regarding 78-year-old man for failing, in that most sacred of American places, to comport himself with even the roughest facsimile of dignity.

Friday, August 30, 2024

My babies keep getting older

 
 Forty years ago on this date, we were newcomers to Tromsø, Norway. We had only been there for 3 weeks and were waiting for my mom to come help out. On the evening of August 30/ early hours of the 31st I went into labor. My mom was not there and my husband and I did not know a soul. I cried because my mom had not gotten there yet and I needed her, especially because I had a 6 year old and a 3 year old who needed looking after.

I sat in the bathtub with warm water thinking that somehow it would slow or stop my labor. It did not.

On August 31, 1984 I gave birth to Darcy Brewster Sherwood. One of the very few American diplomats born north of the Arctic Circle!
 And now he is turning 40 and has his own son!
 (my mom got there about a week later and boy was I glad to see her)
 
 
 

 
 

 

Sunday, August 25, 2024

Family

 
 
Family defined in the Cambridge Dictionary:
 
a group of people who are related to each other, such as a mother, a father, and their children:
A new family has moved in next door.
I come from a large family - I have three brothers and two sisters.
He doesn't have any family.
He's American but his family (= relatives in the past) come from Ireland.
This movie is good family entertainment (= something that can be enjoyed by parents and children together).
family life How do you like family life (= being married, having children, etc.)?
 
I have been thinking about family a lot lately.    A couple of cousins visited this past week.  They are sisters, and their mom is my mom's sister.   Also, my sister was in on the visit too.   

I did some genealogy searching and found and printed some information to share.  After all, we share a common set of grandparents and their parents on back through time.
 
The cousins who visited, Geri and Cheryl have been in our lives since they were born.   We know all of their siblings and they know us.   But we don't really know their children or grandchildren well at all.  And they don't know any of our cousins on the other side of the family- our dad's side.
 
 
In Thai, the word for family is ครอบครัว, pronounced "crop crua" (roughly) which translated "kitchen".  So if you ask someone if they are married, what you are literally asking is "do you have a kitchen yet or not" 
 
And on and on.  I now have a grandson who is in my family and also distantly related to my cousins.  But also to their mother's family and Nick's family, forever and ever.

Oh, and then there's the in-laws.   My brother's daughter, Molly, is my niece.   Her mother is my sister in law through marriage to my brother. 

I think I will just post some pictures now:
 
My sister, Carol, in the blue shirt.  Cousin Cheryl standing, me in the pink shirt and cousin Geri (Cheryl's sister) sitting











   







 
 







Earlier we went out with the same cousins plus 
Molly (my brother's daughter) and Janet,
 Molly's mom and our sister in law

******************
 
 
 
 
 
 
But wait, there's more!
We just got photos of our wonderful grandson Galileo. 
He had his two month checkup and he's already over 11lb!










Tuesday, August 13, 2024

Nostalgia

 What the heck is nostalgia?

This is from Webster's Dictionary:

Nostalgic Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Webster

Nostalgic means feeling or inspiring nostalgia, which is a longing for or thinking fondly of a past time or condition. Learn more about the word history, synonyms, examples, and usage of nostalgic from Merriam-Webster dictionary.

 So often we talk about the good old days and how life was simpler, kinder, safer.  When Nobody locked their doors and everyone was a kind, good neighbor.

I get it.  I do.  I think wistfully of when my kids were little.  Especially when they were babies.   Cute expressions.  The way they mispronounced words that have become a part of our daily vocabulary.  

But, not to be a Debbie downer, there was some not so good old days too.   We don't talk about that.  Or dwell on it.  It feels kinder and happier to think about the sweet things.  The smell of coffee at Grandma's house.   Fresh baked pies.   Hand made blankets.  Both of my grandmothers were the same in these ways.  They were bussomy and hug-gable.  But very different too.  They both kept their doors locked.   

I occasionally try to conjure up some of these wonderful memories we are all meant to have.  Yes, there were some good times as a child.  I loved swimming in the summer.   Playing outdoors all year 'round   But there were dark times too.

I think sweetly of my babies.  Nuzzling at the breast.  Sleeping in the bed with Nick and I.  First smiles and first steps are all planted in my thoughts.   And I wish my kids could know that amazing feeling of being a parent.  I know that Darcy will experience it.   

The joy, exhaustion, frustration, sadness and yes, ever anger at things out of your control.

I yelled at my kids and said mean things to them.  For that I will be eternally sorry.  I know that they hold onto the feelings of my frustration and  I hope that they cane forgive me.  I don't offer any excuses.   Just regrets.

I hope that they remember the back rubs and bedtime stories and home made Halloween costumes.  And the silly laughter.  and the serious talks.

Do I have a legacy?   I don't know, but I hope that my legacy to my children is of Love.

 


 






Saturday, August 3, 2024

Mom grief. Lifted from Facebook


 

 I saw this on Facebook and it resonated with me.

When Courtney, my firstborn, went off to college, I wrote about the various ways we wean.  Each new stage means the end or transition from the last.  And each of them is a weaning.

The intensity of my feelings for my kids is immeasurable.  Intense .  Joyful and painful..

I often think about how busy I was mothering.  There was so much chaos and joy.  But I have such regrets too.  I was too short tempered.  I yelled too much.  I said things that I cannot take back.  Sigh.

But there is so much love in every cell in my body for each of my children.  I ponder, wondering, how is it possible that each one of them lived and grew and birthed from my body.    Amazing