Friday, April 14, 2017

If it's not one thing, it's your mother- or your mother in law

My mother in law went into the hospital on the first of April.  She was feeling week and felt that she needed help.

After a bit over a week, she has been released from the hospital and is skilled nursing care.   No prognosis.  She is 99.  She is still "with it".  We are all worried, scared and stressed.

Meanwhile,  the world turns.   Assad drops chemical bombs on Syria and kills people in a most horrific and painful way.   We sent 59 Tomahawk missiles to a Syrian military air field.  We have dropped a huge bomb on Afghanistan.  North Korea is sabre rattling.  We are sending Navy war ships in the direction on North Korea.   And now, Assad (president of Syria) says that there were no chemical bombs- that the whole thing was a hoax.

I started going back to the gym.  I am thinking that I need to get my body moving so I can feel better.   Nick has been working.  Trying to make things better financially.

I went to Richmond for a few days.  Took one son for his sedation dental work. Took other son out to eat.   Went thrift shopping and got a sofa for dental appointment son.

I miss my kids.  No, I don't want them all moving back home.  I know that none of them wants that either.   But I would love to hear from them now and then.  Just a note asking how *I* am doing.  And how Nick's doing.   I have been sending updates on their grandmother's health condition.  One of them checks in for updates.  I know they all love her and care.   I am sure they all love and care about me too.  I just wish they would communicate .

I know that there probably is no way to ask the kids to keep in touch without being, or at seeming passive/ aggressive.

I was a pretty imperfect daughter.  I am sure I did things that disappointed my mother.  But I did write and call.  All of the years we were living overseas, I wrote to everyone.   When we were home, I talked on the phone with my mom almost every day.

The kids saw me get my feelings hurt by my mother, and so I suspect they didn't like her at times for that reason.

It's not easy being a daughter.   It's not easy being a mother.   Even when all of the kids are all adults.    I know that they don't "need" me.  But I need them.    All I need is a "hi Mom". An update of their lives and their feelings and experiences would be nice.   But just "hi" would be so nice.

Each of the kids, as a baby, did need me. They each depended on me totally.  Nursing , dressing, changing diapers.  And they needed me for love- which came so naturally for Nick and for me.  A love so deep I would put myself in front of any harm that threatened them.  Nick too.

I have been told/ warned that reminding your adult children of all the things you have done for them only causes resentment.    I get that.  Just about everything my mom did came with strings attached.

Life is all about transitions.  Babies grow up.  They become amazing "big people", adults.  Parents get old and frail and eventually leave us

Goals and dreams change too.  I have always thought of myself as being a lactation consultant for the rest of my life.  But I am tottering on retiring. I will always help moms and babies.  I imagine I will always be a LLL Leader.  But the legal and technical, medicalization of  the business of being an LC is disheartening to me.

Meanwhile, it is spring here in Reston, Virginia and it is beautiful here!

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