Thursday, July 4, 2013
Far flung and close to my heart, one and all
It's early Thursday morning Virginia time. Nick will be home from Afghanistan early this Sunday morning, also Virginia time. I have had some terribly anxious moments since he left. It is not a safe place. There are people willing to blow themselves up for their cause. I will never understand that kind of cause I suppose, but the passion it stirs in those to feel that way, and is beyond my comprehension and makes perfect sense to them.
Under "normal" circumstances, I don't sleep well. Or, I should say, I don't go to bed and fall asleep well. Once I get to sleep, I'm fine. But getting there is my challenge.
I had all sorts of plans and ideas of what I would do differently with Nick gone. First off, I would get to bed by, say 10:00 every night. Never did before, but I was going to somehow make it work. Then, I would be awake early in the morning and full of energy. I would take the dog for a walk in the morning, before the bugs and the heat come. I would join (re-join) Weight Watchers and eat well get healthy. I would get to the gym at least three times a week.
Ok, I got to the gym. Yes, that I did. Then I developed thrush in my mouth and was in so much pain I didn't know what to do. Two mouthwash prescriptions later, that seems to be better. And then, I broke my ankle. I mean really broke it. At first it was misdiagnosed, but when the pain and swelling got worse instead of better, I sought a second opinion. So now I have to wear this stupid boot. It is hot and heavy and black. But, it keeps my ankle immobilized enough to help it heal and keep it from hurting too much. I take it off and let my skin breath. I walk on the foot some, but it always starts to hurt again.
I wanted to clean the garage. I wanted to organize the basement. I planned to garden in my patch and in Nick's garden plot. I really should be studying for the lactation re-certification exam.
I haven't even gotten as much knitting done as I had hoped.
Truth be told, even if I hadn't broken my ankle I might not have gotten any of those things done anyway. So I should feel good that at least, this time, I have an excuse!
Chance is in Beijing, learning new sights and sounds and smells. It's not just the way people talk that's different. He will learn that people speak their culture in their body language. And in their reactions to their surroundings. Chance goes into this with his own conceptions of how everyone does things and he will see, that isn't necessarily true.
Last week we had Ludvig, the kids' third cousin from Norway. he was on the start of his own journey with his expectations of what America was. But, I think that there are more similarities between Norway and us as opposed to us and China. By "us" I just mean our family- not all of America.
Courtney is in Oregon. America, yes, but different than Northern Virginia. Morgan is out west too. Living in his truck with his cats and not a whole lot else.
Darcy and Hannah are in North Carolina. We have been to their house, so I can picture them at home. I don't feel like I am a big part of their life right now. But that's the way it is. You nurse, you toddle, you walk, you run, you grow and grow and get into braces and get out of braces. And you find yourself an adult. And off you go and don't look back. At least, not for another 15 or 20 years.
Austin is still at home, but he is branching out. He is so smart and can be so helpful and kind. His mind is always moving and thinking and coming up with ideas that matter. He is a very moral man.
He is moving at his own pace. I wish all of us could do that.
So, now I have to make my bed and content myself with the company of Buddy the dog and Pooh the cat, and the other cats too if they care to join us.
And on Sunday I will have mu husband to snuggle with and to fall asleep with, my head on his shoulder.
So much to look forward to.
Good night
Under "normal" circumstances, I don't sleep well. Or, I should say, I don't go to bed and fall asleep well. Once I get to sleep, I'm fine. But getting there is my challenge.
I had all sorts of plans and ideas of what I would do differently with Nick gone. First off, I would get to bed by, say 10:00 every night. Never did before, but I was going to somehow make it work. Then, I would be awake early in the morning and full of energy. I would take the dog for a walk in the morning, before the bugs and the heat come. I would join (re-join) Weight Watchers and eat well get healthy. I would get to the gym at least three times a week.
Ok, I got to the gym. Yes, that I did. Then I developed thrush in my mouth and was in so much pain I didn't know what to do. Two mouthwash prescriptions later, that seems to be better. And then, I broke my ankle. I mean really broke it. At first it was misdiagnosed, but when the pain and swelling got worse instead of better, I sought a second opinion. So now I have to wear this stupid boot. It is hot and heavy and black. But, it keeps my ankle immobilized enough to help it heal and keep it from hurting too much. I take it off and let my skin breath. I walk on the foot some, but it always starts to hurt again.
I wanted to clean the garage. I wanted to organize the basement. I planned to garden in my patch and in Nick's garden plot. I really should be studying for the lactation re-certification exam.
I haven't even gotten as much knitting done as I had hoped.
Truth be told, even if I hadn't broken my ankle I might not have gotten any of those things done anyway. So I should feel good that at least, this time, I have an excuse!
Chance is in Beijing, learning new sights and sounds and smells. It's not just the way people talk that's different. He will learn that people speak their culture in their body language. And in their reactions to their surroundings. Chance goes into this with his own conceptions of how everyone does things and he will see, that isn't necessarily true.
Last week we had Ludvig, the kids' third cousin from Norway. he was on the start of his own journey with his expectations of what America was. But, I think that there are more similarities between Norway and us as opposed to us and China. By "us" I just mean our family- not all of America.
Courtney is in Oregon. America, yes, but different than Northern Virginia. Morgan is out west too. Living in his truck with his cats and not a whole lot else.
Darcy and Hannah are in North Carolina. We have been to their house, so I can picture them at home. I don't feel like I am a big part of their life right now. But that's the way it is. You nurse, you toddle, you walk, you run, you grow and grow and get into braces and get out of braces. And you find yourself an adult. And off you go and don't look back. At least, not for another 15 or 20 years.
Austin is still at home, but he is branching out. He is so smart and can be so helpful and kind. His mind is always moving and thinking and coming up with ideas that matter. He is a very moral man.
He is moving at his own pace. I wish all of us could do that.
So, now I have to make my bed and content myself with the company of Buddy the dog and Pooh the cat, and the other cats too if they care to join us.
And on Sunday I will have mu husband to snuggle with and to fall asleep with, my head on his shoulder.
So much to look forward to.
Good night
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Up up and away!
I sent Chance off on his trip to China this morning. My youngest flew the nest a few years ago when he moved to Richmond to go to college though Reston is still his home base. Now he is away for the summer and I have to think about him and worry about him and look forward to him returning to US soil safe and sound.
A month ago I was charting Nick's travels to Afghanistan. Now I am charting Chance's travels to Beijing!
They all grow up so fast. At times, when they are in your life full time, it seems like they will never grow up. Then Poof, they're gone, on their own, independent. Wow, what a ride this parenting thing is!
A month ago I was charting Nick's travels to Afghanistan. Now I am charting Chance's travels to Beijing!
They all grow up so fast. At times, when they are in your life full time, it seems like they will never grow up. Then Poof, they're gone, on their own, independent. Wow, what a ride this parenting thing is!
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Counting down
The count down to Nick's return. Just over a week. When he first left I was just a wreck. I was so afraid that Nick would get hurt, or not come back. Worry overtook me, drained my energy. I did my usual stuff as well as I could- grocery shopping, going to the gym and Starbucks. Seeing and helping new moms and babies. I had plans to clean the garage and the basement. Or at least I was going to try.
Then I broke my ankle. I know, not the most horrible thing. I keep reminding myself how lucky I am that I still have my ankle.I can still function. I am just impatient. I am used to running up and down the stairs a hundred times a day. Now, I am sitting in the family room thinking of going to the store in my pajamas so I don't have to go upstairs and change. This is my current life.
Having a guest, pet sitting an unfamiliar dog and not being able to move about freely is frustrating. Oh well, I'll live.
No, I don't expect Nick to be ale to do the things I wanted to do, at least not the way I wanted to. I am really grateful to Austin for doing so much to help run the house!
Not a very thrilling blog post.
Ok, I am going to get some clothes on and go to the gas station and buy some milk.
Then I broke my ankle. I know, not the most horrible thing. I keep reminding myself how lucky I am that I still have my ankle.I can still function. I am just impatient. I am used to running up and down the stairs a hundred times a day. Now, I am sitting in the family room thinking of going to the store in my pajamas so I don't have to go upstairs and change. This is my current life.
Having a guest, pet sitting an unfamiliar dog and not being able to move about freely is frustrating. Oh well, I'll live.
No, I don't expect Nick to be ale to do the things I wanted to do, at least not the way I wanted to. I am really grateful to Austin for doing so much to help run the house!
Not a very thrilling blog post.
Ok, I am going to get some clothes on and go to the gas station and buy some milk.
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Here I am
I can be a good blogger. By that I mean, I can be good at keeping up at blogging. When I travel, for instance, I write a lot.
When I sit and watch TV and knit, there's not so much to write about. There is too much drama and angst and not enough that is entertaining and educational or even insightful that I want to write about.
Mostly I have been well. Nick is a million miles away. I think he has been pretty well too. We both miss each other. We both feel bored without each other to ignore in person. No, I don't mean that in a bad way. Ignore is probably too negative sounding. What I mean is this; when we are sitting in the same room, each engrossed in whatever we are doing, separately, we are still occupying space in close proximity to one another. We are not intentionally ignoring each other. We may not seem to be actively engaged in any activity together. But the thing is, we are.
It's like when we are both asleep in bed and one of us gets up. There is not a conscious awareness of being in bed alone, but there is a sensed feeling of the other partner not being there. The empty space. That's what's here now. The space I am used to sharing is now, temporarily, empty.
In the past we wrote letters and mailed them when we were apart. Every day we wrote. We put numbers on the envelopes in case the letters were delivered out of the order in which they were written. There was sometime tangible to put a stamp on and put into the mailbox. And something tangible arrived in the mailbox.
Now we have quicker communication. I was going to say "instant gratification" but that would not be correct. We could "chat" maybe, but we don't really want to. Email and occasional phone calls keep us tethered.
My sister's 15 year old dog, Oscar died this week. He "crossed the rainbow bridge". It is terribly sad, but inevitable. There's nothing new about pondering time and aging.
Dylan Thomas said it best:
When I sit and watch TV and knit, there's not so much to write about. There is too much drama and angst and not enough that is entertaining and educational or even insightful that I want to write about.
Mostly I have been well. Nick is a million miles away. I think he has been pretty well too. We both miss each other. We both feel bored without each other to ignore in person. No, I don't mean that in a bad way. Ignore is probably too negative sounding. What I mean is this; when we are sitting in the same room, each engrossed in whatever we are doing, separately, we are still occupying space in close proximity to one another. We are not intentionally ignoring each other. We may not seem to be actively engaged in any activity together. But the thing is, we are.
It's like when we are both asleep in bed and one of us gets up. There is not a conscious awareness of being in bed alone, but there is a sensed feeling of the other partner not being there. The empty space. That's what's here now. The space I am used to sharing is now, temporarily, empty.
In the past we wrote letters and mailed them when we were apart. Every day we wrote. We put numbers on the envelopes in case the letters were delivered out of the order in which they were written. There was sometime tangible to put a stamp on and put into the mailbox. And something tangible arrived in the mailbox.
Now we have quicker communication. I was going to say "instant gratification" but that would not be correct. We could "chat" maybe, but we don't really want to. Email and occasional phone calls keep us tethered.
My sister's 15 year old dog, Oscar died this week. He "crossed the rainbow bridge". It is terribly sad, but inevitable. There's nothing new about pondering time and aging.
Dylan Thomas said it best:
Do not go gentle into that good night
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light. -
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light. -
And on that note, I am off to bed and sleep
Do not go gentle into that good night
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Best laid plans and all that stuff
Nick left for his overseas trip today. When I got home from the airport I was tempted to get going through the house and let the cleaning begin. But then I decided not to. I felt like I could easily burn out and not just get some rest, which I often seem to need, or at least enjoy.
I did get my two birthday gift hydrangea bushes planted. I sat and watched TV. Austin went and got us Taco Bell for dinner.
The plan was to get to bed by 10:00pm and get up at 6 in the morning. Well, morning is here and I am not asleep. I suck at getting to sleep. I get in the bed, turn out the lights, and decided I have to go to the bathroom. So after the bathroom, I get back into bed and I hear the dog whimpering somewhere. He's under the bed. He had lunged at Beta (cat) earlier and Tigger (another cat) took a swat at him. So, Buddy, knowing that Tigger was on the bed, was afraid to get on the bed.
Now Buddy is whining even louder and with some urgency. He needs to go out. I get up, find a flash light and walk all around the yard with Buddy. He has me trained!
So now, it's after midnight. I have to check Nick's flight status. The airline has a little map that shows the progress of the flight. Nick is 8 hours into a 14 hour flight. His plane appears to have crossed the Atlantic and is almost over land.
I have been looking forward to the time "off" when Nick is away. But I am never really off. For one thing, I have three cats and a dog who kind of seem to enjoy my company. And a big house. And all that.
Maybe Nick shouldn't have gone. I want him to come home now. Are we done yet? One day down, 41 to go. Kabul. So far away. I'll be fine. If I ever get some sleep!
This map was broadcasting in real time, so I guess that since they've landed, it's just a regular map. Gonna keep it here anyway.
I did get my two birthday gift hydrangea bushes planted. I sat and watched TV. Austin went and got us Taco Bell for dinner.
The plan was to get to bed by 10:00pm and get up at 6 in the morning. Well, morning is here and I am not asleep. I suck at getting to sleep. I get in the bed, turn out the lights, and decided I have to go to the bathroom. So after the bathroom, I get back into bed and I hear the dog whimpering somewhere. He's under the bed. He had lunged at Beta (cat) earlier and Tigger (another cat) took a swat at him. So, Buddy, knowing that Tigger was on the bed, was afraid to get on the bed.
Now Buddy is whining even louder and with some urgency. He needs to go out. I get up, find a flash light and walk all around the yard with Buddy. He has me trained!
So now, it's after midnight. I have to check Nick's flight status. The airline has a little map that shows the progress of the flight. Nick is 8 hours into a 14 hour flight. His plane appears to have crossed the Atlantic and is almost over land.
I have been looking forward to the time "off" when Nick is away. But I am never really off. For one thing, I have three cats and a dog who kind of seem to enjoy my company. And a big house. And all that.
Maybe Nick shouldn't have gone. I want him to come home now. Are we done yet? One day down, 41 to go. Kabul. So far away. I'll be fine. If I ever get some sleep!
This map was broadcasting in real time, so I guess that since they've landed, it's just a regular map. Gonna keep it here anyway.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Happy Mothers Day!
Not sure I understand why everything changes, but it does. And I will be a mother all my life!
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