Maine in May 2022

 We drove up here from Aldie, VA stopping overnight to break up the trip,  It's Buddy's first car trip.  In fact, this is the farthest we have ever driven with any of our pets.

Maine is beautiful!   I was here last July, and Nick has been here to help Austin when he first moved here.

It is so different than anywhere I have ever lived and I marvel.  As the children of US Government workers, Nick and I grew as suburban kids with parents in pretty regular, stable jobs.  We both think of the Washington, DC are as "home".   

We have had many homes in other countries, but in the US, the Washington area is it.

It is sort of strange to me to see small businesses and shops and think of the people working there.  There are farms.  In fact, our Air B&B is owned by the family that farms the land around it.   How do people know what to do?   Sounds dumb, but it's a thing that I think about.

Austin lives in Warren, Maine and the place we are staying is also in Warren.  We are near Union, Maine, Camden , Maine, Rockport and Thomaston.   

I usually have issues placing photos on this blog and trying to put them in a particular position on the page along with my explanation of what the photo is of.  This time, at least for starters, I am just going to put the pictures on and figure out the rest another time.

Springtime in Northern Virginia

Sunset at 8:09 pm

I went out with a couple of friends last evening.  On the way home, I was driving west into the sunset.  It was bright in my eyes, but beautiful.     It's funny how long the days are now compared to winter when it's dark before 5PM.

Spring planting

We went to a couple of places the last few days and bought some flowering plants for me to put into flower pots.   There are still more to be planted, but I got off to a start anyway

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Rose bud

Iris

I love the spring for the longer days, the warmer temperatures that are not yet too hot.  And the things that bloom.  The birds seem to like it too because they have so much to say!

And yet, with all of this beauty, there is too much sadness.  I have written about the friends who have died in the last few months.  And those fighting terminal cancers so they will have as much time as possible with their loved ones.

Then yesterday I got a text that left me feeling sad.  A woman who I met at a La Leche League meeting about 10 years ago when her first baby was a newborn.  She had a traumatic birth and cried when she tried to introduce herself.  With her second birth, she had a good, healing experience.  I saw her grow into a wonderful, happy, confident woman over the next few years.  Two years ago, at 47, she found out that she was pregnant again.  What a big surprise it was.  And it turned into the happy, welcome birth of a baby boy.  Now that baby is 15 months old and a real joy to the family.  Nursing like a champ.  And the mom just found out that she has breast cancer.   

Life can be so unfair!   I don't think that there's much I can do to help other than be a listener and understand her concerns about sudden weaning.  But she must be thinking about the future.  What will the treatment involve.   Will her kids and husband be okay.

Mother's Day reoccurring theme- pictures of my babies

 

Origins

 

This is Kari Kjørrefjord, the widow of my father's cousin Thor (pronounced Tore).   She is standing in front of the family farm house that has been in the family for over a century.  My grandfather was born in this house.

My birthday was yesterday (I turned 68) and of course that makes me introspective.  I think about my beginnings.  My birth into the world and the family.  And also my DNA  and the origins of where I come from.  At least the part of me that comes from my father.

I know that only half of my DNA is from my father and that he was 100% Norwegian.  But somehow, I have always identified at Norwegian.   Maybe because I had blond hair and blue eyes and looked Scandinavian.

My family- my parents and my siblings, and I, visited this farm in 1957 when I was three years old.  I don't remember it at all, but I have seen pictures.    

Nick and I went to Norway on our honeymoon  We visited relatives and marveled at the beauty of the country.   Some of my second cousins were little kids and we met them too- although they don't remember us at all.

We lived in Tromsø, Norway from 1984-86 and our third child was born there.  Before going there we studied Norwegian through the State Department, which was a great help.  I wanted to love it there but had a hard time.  Three little kids- one a newborn.  Post partum depression.   Not knowing anyone.  And then the sun set in November for two months.  However, I look back on those days fondly now that I am not in the thick of the drama of parenting three little kids and feeling lonely.

Later, when we were living in Perth, Australia, I visited Norway again.  It was 1997.   That is the earliest I remember visiting the family farm.   On that trip, I stood in the room that I imagined that my grandfather had been born in.  I felt the presence of him, and of my great grandmother giving birth and starting a new chapter in the family tree (maybe I should say a new branch)

Nick got a summer assignment to the US Embassy in Oslo in 2015. That offered the perfect chance for my sister and I to visit Norway with her granddaughters.   

It was a wonderful trip.  We were treated very well by second cousins.  we got to see and feel our "roots" and introduce the next generation to some of their heritage.

So now I am 68.  Older than my grandfather was when he died.  I never knew him and my father refused to speak of him and got angry  when I asked about him.  But, I have his DNA.

The Kjørrefjord family grave

68  68 68 68 68 6868 68 68

Our dinner group

This history of our dinner group was written a few years ago.

 None of the original, founding members are still involved.  Many have died. 

 History- The BG's (stands for Beloved Group) have been in existence almost 35 years, hard to believe.  The first activity was a pool party at the Snitkin's on August 7, 1982.  Founding members were Al and Alice Dalluge, Anne Alexander, Marnie Perlik, Stan and Miriam Snitkin, Muriel Slevin, Karlyn Winterhalter, Tom and EVirnston, Marie Nelson, Tom Mortimer, Robin Schrage, Meryl Vaughn, Curt and Mary Kornblau, Beryl Gilmore and Carole Coppersmith. You may know some of these people still, but most  have moved away or some sadly have  died.)

    This week we attended the first Extended Family get-togethers in a couple of years.  Thanks to the pandemic.   There was a Christmas gathering this year (Christmas 2021) but we stayed home because the kids were all here.

    I was reminiscing about the Christmas dinners/parties we have had.  I am sure we have hosted the December dinner for at least 10 years.  We cancelled twice.  One time there was too much snow for anyone to drive safely so we cancelled.  Then, in 2017 as I was preparing for brain surgery we decided to skip the hosting duties that year.    

    Something nice and surprising was that they group called me from the Christmas party and all talked to me and sent Christmas greetings.

    As I was watching TV this afternoon it occurred to me that, while I had my family- husband, kids sister all looking after me and helping take care of me, I didn't have a mother who cared.  My mother was gone.  She would have been so worried and concerned.  If she had been able bodied she would have helped me in anyway she could.

    Then I think about my own kids.   How I would do just about anything for them.   Driving to Richmond when Austin was sick- staying in his hospital room and sleeping in a recliner.   I know I was needed and I am so grateful that I was able to help.   

    Our dinner group is changing.  Shrinking it seems.  Two active members of the group have died during the pandemic.  One from a fall and the other from cancer.  The reason for our meeting this week was to farewell another two people who are moving to Florida.

    Nick is playing poker with the guys from the extended family in a week or so.   Beyond that, I don't know what is happening.  

    I hope that our little "family" doesn't cease to be.    

Christmas 2019

Christmas 2019

 

    

I am not sure where this is from, but it says so much

 

Life is hard sometimes- and I cannot even really understand why

 My weekly Zoom meeting starts in a few minutes, so I am not sure how much I will get written right now.    My last blog entry was somewhat optimistic I think.  Writing about the promise of new life knowing that there are some very welcome babies on the way earth-side.

I am tired all the time.  If I get five hours of sleep or eight hours I am tired.  I have an appointment with my doctor to see if there's anything going on.  Am I anemic?   Vitamin deficient?   Depressed?    

I know that I feel "down" about things that I tell myself shouldn't bother me.     I write to the kids and rarely get any replies.   I am sure all is well and they just don't think about it.   But, going from being their whole world to just being someone they know is not something I do well with.   When we do connect, they seem genuinely happy to see/ hear me.  I know that they love me.   I don't want to feel like I need "proof".  I just want to feel validated now and then.

 I know that I am not alone.  Lots of my friends with adult kids feel the same way.  Some have even had their children disconnect form them entirely.   I cannot imagine the pain that causes.

 And then there's my two friends who are fighting cancer.   I cannot stand thinking about how hard it is to imagine them gone.   And the treatments they are receiving seem to be so extreme- making them feel sicker than the cancer.   So it seems to me anyway.  It is always easy to second guess how you would do something.  "if it was me I would do"  whatever-

I wish I had a magic wand to fix the world.

Last evening (our time) I watched the live Anzac Day ceremony broadcast from Perth, Western Australia. It's a beautiful, somber event that is observed all over Australia and new Zealand.   I felt like I was there- in Kings Park just a five minute (or less) walk from our house in Perth.  Nick watched some of it too.   He said how it was awesome but he is sure glad he doesn't have to do that any more.  I do understand that as an introvert it was a hard job being the US Consul General.   We did have a lot of social, public responsibilities.     He had to make speeches from time to time and he did a wonderful job of it.  But it is exhausting for an introvert to do that.  As for me?  I loved it.  I was excited and energized by all of the events we went to.  Some serious events and others not so serious.   It made me sad to think that as far as I can tell that part of our life is over.

Anzac Day Dawn Service at Kings Park, Western Australia, 25 April 2009, 94th anniversary
Also called	Māori: Rā o Ngā Hōia[1]
Observed by	Australia Christmas Island Cocos (Keeling) Islands Cook Islands New Zealand Niue Norfolk Island Tokelau Tonga
Type	Commemorative, patriotic, historic
Significance	National day of remembrance and first landing of the Anzacs at Gallipoli
Observances	Dawn services, commemorative marches, remembrance services
Date	25 April
Next time	25 April 2022
Frequency	Annual
Related to	Remembrance Day

Maybe that is at least one of the reasons La Leche League is so important to me.  I always have friends.  I can talk and be heard.  I know a lot of things and ways to contribute and make a difference.  Yup.  That's me.

The goddamn pandemic feels like it has stolen those things.  It's so hard to have meetings and gatherings.  Maybe it will get better soon.  I hope so.