It takes a village to accompany me to the neurosurgeon!

You can see the tumor in the bottom picture.  It is the white spot at just past 12:00 if you picture a clock

So, today I went to a neurosurgeon. I had my sister, sister in law (both nurses) and Nick with me.  The doctor was really nice and funny.  We joked a lot, but he answered everyone's questions very well.  He explained everything and what he thinks the risks and benefits are to removing the tumor.    I want it out!


I mentioned to the doctor that my eyes move around weird when I have an attack of vertigo.  I know this because I had Nick watch this morning when I felt the room flying around.  It's called nystagmus.  Anyway, one of the things that can cause nystagmus is some kind of "stones" in the labyrinth part of the inner ear.    I will be going to an ear nose and throat doctor to see if that's what is going on.

Meanwhile, we looked at my brain pictures up on the screen and saw my tumor.  It has some edema (swelling) around it that it shouldn't have.  So that is another risk factor.

The doc is alright with me continuing to go to the gym, but said I shouldn't take spin classes right now, and probably not yoga either- because I am having balance problems.

So, barring anything drastic, like getting hit in the head with a baseball bat, I am going to be alright (which I have been saying all along).

On the funny side, I put my lactation consulting skills to some use.   I thought that the doctor looked like he had a tight frenulum and tongue tie.   I asked him to stick out his tongue and confirmed it.  (I bet he's never had a patient ask him to stick out his tongue before).  He asked if that was bad and I said no, but in a baby it could interfere with breastfeeding.  He told me he was bottle fed.   I asked if his wife had trouble breastfeeding their 5 children.   yes, she did, and she ended up bottle feeding.  I bet the kids had tongue tie issues that made it hard for them to nurse.

So, I am still me.  As the saying goes (I cannot recall who said it)  "wherever you go, there you are".

And that's the truth!

Perspective

So, I have this tumor.  In my brain.  Giving me headaches.  And what am I doing?  Joking.  Laughing.  Reassuring everyone that I will be alright.

I am sure, somewhere on some deep level I cannot access, I am scared.  But I am not feeling it.   I am feeling confident that I am going to be okay.  I am.  I have too much life left to live.

Somehow, the things that were bothering me a week or more ago are not bothering me.  Any more I should say, but I am not sure how long this calm will stay around.

I was re-reading my "Bucket List" blog entry.  It is so amazing to think about where we have lived and what we have done in our lifetimes.   I know that there is a lot more ahead.  Right this minute I am not feeling the wander lust.  The desire, almost a need to travel back to my former residences that were home when we lived there.   Home.   We were there.  Together.  Playing Scrabble and drinking tea in the evening.   Birthing and raising babies and kids.

If I don't get back to all of those places, I will be alright.  The places are so alive in my mind.  Home.  Love.  Family.  My family.

In Thai, it is custom to ask a person (young adult) คุณมีครอบครัวหรือยัง.  "Do you have a family yet"  The literal translation is "do you have a kitchen".   When you are married, you have a kitchen-a home- a family.   Every home we lived in had a kitchen.  A heart.  Maybe I should just write about all of our kitchens.  They were each different from the last and nothing like our American kitchen.

Well, my brain may be renting space to a tumor, but there's just so much other stuff in there it's crazy!   How lucky to have so many memories!

And now I will paste a picture of the poster of my life- from 10 years ago when I turned 50!