It's that time of the year

 I always feel somewhat melancholy at this time of the year.  If I look back to my blog in years past I bet I have written the same things every year.  I feel these things every year in various degrees.

The days get shorter and darkness comes earlier.  We set out clocks back so it gets to be night time even earlier.

And I know that the shorter periods of daylight have an effect on me.  But it's also "the holidays".   The sense of having to do things- obligations. Expectations.   Mainly my expectations.

My childhood Christmases were fraught for lack of a better word.  I was excited and couldn't wait to see what Santa put under the tree.   Finding an orange in my Christmas socking and laughing about it.   We carried that over with our kids and they always laughed too.

But my sadness comes from the tension, and anger.  At Thanksgiving I will always think of the year my dad reached across the table and punched my brother in the face.   That was the year that Carol was newly married and was having her Thanksgiving with the in-laws.  I cooked the turkey and I guess I overcooked it.  My brother looks at the dark brown turkey and said "I'm not eating that".  And my dad punched him.  And I went running out of the apartment across the street to where my sister and her in laws were having their dinner.

When we were first married and both of my parents, divorced from each other we had to make the rounds.  My dad was re-married, so we had to go to Daddy and Becky's, then my mom, then my sister and her family, than Nick's parents house and then ultimately back to our house in College park .

Last year we had all five "kids" here for Christmas plus grand-baby Galileo.   It was both wonderful and stressful.   It is a rare occasion that all five of my children are at the same place at the same time!

 This year, Courtney and Zach are staying home in Portland, OR.  Morgan and Kim are staying in Seattle.   Darcy and Jody and Galileo are staying home in North Carolina.   I am assuming Chance and his girlfriend Jamie will come here.  I hope Austin comes too- I hate to think of him alone in Maine- although who knows maybe he will meet someone he wants to spend Christmas with!

 I guess, what the kids are all young and living at home, it's not like they have a choice where they will be for the holidays.  They are part and parcel of the house and home.   But now they are all spread around the country.  They have their adult homes and their adult friends.  I know that they all love us.  But they are not ours exactly.

I have already had our Christmas cards made, and the family calendars.  Now I just have to write a Christmas letter and work on the every confusing address labels.

The hosta has gone to seed