I have been sick. A bad cold or upper respiratory infection. Maybe a touch of pneumonia. I don't know what all. I was just feeling really low on energy and depressed. It stinks to have no energy and to ache all over!
I had just started a new medication around the time I got sick. I am guessing that my illness was not caused by the medication, but it is possible that I felt worse from the new meds. I was not sleeping much at night, and was feeling very much "done" dealing with anything. I stopped the medication (under doctor's guidance). I am doing better. And, we have come up with a plan to help me get to sleep.
Whenever Nick reads to me, it puts me to sleep. On our cross country trip three years ago we did this. Nick read me "The Shipping News". Right now he's reading a book on Australia written by Bryce Harper. It's a good book. Some pretty funny bits and a lot of narrative and observation about the place and the people.
We actually stared "reading" on our honeymoon. We would sit on park benches while Nick read to me. We got some strange stares, but that's okay. I may have done some of the out-loud reading, but Nick is the better public reader. I think he enjoys it. I know that I do.
After being absent from church for a very long time, we went back for the in-gathering a few weeks ago. That is the service that starts the church year. People bring water from places they have visited over the summer. I had a bottle of water from Icelandic Airlines, which I thought represented our travels.
The following week I had a seminar to attend, so didn't make it to church that week.
We went again again two weeks later for my friend Sue's memorial service. I was already sick, so we didn't stay long.
This past weekend I had thought we would go to church on Sunday. But, as we looked at each other in our pajamas, we both sort of said "meh". And we stayed home.
I have been thinking about church. I was very active in the church for a couple of years. Especially when the kids were involved. Mostly when Nick was overseas. I reached out to the church when I had broken my ankle, and when I had brain surgery. I love that it is there.
But, I wonder, what's it really all about. I know we learn a lesson and either gain knowledge about tings, or acquire an wish to know and understand more. But, for myself at least, don't I already know what I believe in? Don't I know right from wrong? On some level, when I am in church, I feel like we are a group of observers in the audience and the show is what's going on up front. The minsters are the entertainment.
Then after the sermon is done, we mingle with the people we have been sitting with, and we drink coffee and we talk about the sermon. And a part of me really wants to go. And another part wants to stay home.
I think (I know) that Nick only goes because I go. He wouldn't even think about going to church I am sure. So, when we do go to church, I know that Nick is only doing it for me. That makes me feel guilty and like I have to look out for him. I know I don't, but I feel that way.