Impressions- about feeding babies

 We bought our house in Virginia in 1983.   We knew we would be there for one year before renting it out.  And we knew we would be returning to that house, our home.

For the year we first lived there, I was very active with the local La Leche Leage groups.   I got to know a lot of LLL folks.

It was not surprising then, when we returned to Virginia in 1986, that I was invited to be a LLL Leader for a local group.   I remember going to lead at a local group- where I didn't know anyone (yet).    Everyone made their introductions and made a comment about how breastfeeding was going for them. 

We used to meet in people's homes. When it got to be the hostesses turn, she started crying and said she had to switch to bottle feeding because her baby was not gaining weight.    She was devistated.  She had attended LLL meetings all through her pregnancy.   She loved La Leche League.

I lost sleep thinking about this mom.  She and I spoke on the phone (a lot).  I decided to invite her to keep attanding LLL meetings.  She held her baby in a nursing position when she fed her.  She practiced attachement parenting.   She was one of the "League moms".

By the time this mom had her second baby, she was commited to try breastfeeding again.  This time, it worked out as she had hoped.  The baby was fussy and needed to be held a lot.  But breastfeeding worked.

The mom and I became the best of friends.   I invited her to become a LLL Leader, which she did.   

Our family went overseas again, but we kept in touch by email and even phone calls from time to time.

My family went to China, and, while there, pregnant with my fifth child, I gave birth two months early.

I retuned to the States with my failure to thrive preemie and my three year old.  My dear friend was there at the airport with some other of my LLL friends, to meet me.

Meanwhile, my friend had given birth to her third baby.  She was doing great.  Nursing was going well.

My preemie was not doing so well.  We realized that he needed to be supplemented.  I tried giving him formula- which I did NOT want to do.  But he needed to eat.  The formula made him sick.   

I asked my friend if she would be able and willing to share her breastmilk with my baby.  She and one other friend happly pumped their breastmilk and I was able to feed my baby and get him strong and healthy.

I was using a technique called "finger feeding" where I would put the supplemental milk into a periodontal syringe and when he sucked on my finger, I would deliver milk to him.  It was challenging at best.   

One night when I was completely exhausted, I put the breastmilk into a baby bottle and gave it to my son.  I was so conflicted.  I hated using a baby bottle and was sad that I was not about to completely feed him at the breast.  On the other hand, I was relieved that he was getting the food he needed in order to grow healthy.

I pumped my own milk and supplemented with donor milk from my two wonderful friends.   I often had to bottle feed the baby in public.  

I was reminded of all of the times I had judged moms for bottlefeeding in public.  I grew to understand that, while I know that breastfeeding is the best way to feed a baby, I do not know what is being fed in those bottles.  Nor do I know how the mom came to be a bottle feeding mother.    Maybe she was not interested in breastfeeding from the start.  Maybe she had difficulties, maybe it was her milk or donor milk in the bottle.  Or maybe she was the aunt, cousin, babysitter...

We are all so hard on ourselves.  But we are also too quick to judge others without knowing the whole story.

I am posting a picture here that I tried to share on a LLL page.  Many of the readers of the page were happy to see the post about acceptance.  But there were bitter complaints as well.

No, La Leche League is not a bottlefeeding support group.  We do not endorse bottle feeding.   But, while a picture tells a thousand stories, we cannot know what all of the stories are.