Laughing gas

 I had laughing gas at the dentist recently

The real name is Nitrous oxide.  The reason I am writing about it is that I had dental work done a week and a half ago and I opted to have laughing gas.  It helps me relax.

I was in the dentist's chair for about three hours- a lot longer than expected.  I was not the most pleasant experience, but for the most part it was bearable.

While I was in the chair, under the influence, I was in a bit of a fantasy / dream state .  I thought about the kids.  All five of them.  And I thought about what gifts I received from each of them.   Something I have never pondered before.

I want to tell each of them what their gift was.

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From Courtney I received fear and wonder.  She is the one who made me a mother!

She was sick right after she was born and I was not able to hold her for the first three years of her life.   My milk came in really fast after she was born, so I was able to feed her my breast milk.  The pump was a glass cylinder with a red rubber bulb on the end.  It looked a whole lot like a bicycle horn  like this: 

  The first time I held Courtney she was three days old.  The nurse handed her to me and Courtney just stared at me.   It felt like she was saying "well, where have you been?"    And she looked so much like Nick I was amazed.   I honestly felt like there were rainbows and fireworks I felt so deeply in love. 

 

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 Morgan was soft and sweet and made sweet humming sounds.  I held him and sniffed his head with that heavenly newborn baby scent. When he was born the doctor said "this baby is so healthy he's boring"  Morgan, as a newborn, gave me peace.  He was so beautiful.  In spite of how his hospital picture looks.

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Darcy is next.   Baby number 3.   Born north of the Arctic Circle, in Tromsø, Norway.   I think I got to hold him and nurse him earlier after his birth than the others..   He taught me that I didn't know as much about parenting as I had thought.   Sweet.  Smiling all the time.  And mischievous.  A climber.   Every day when Nick came home from work he would ask "what has Darcy done this time?"   Darcy was always up to something..  But as a newborn he was just sweet.   Snugly.   

 

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Austin- my biggest and best birth.    It's funny, the kids and I came home from Norway ahead of Nick so we could visit various of my relatives.  Then Nick got home and bada bing I was pregnant with Austin.  Whenever I was asked how far along I was I would say, well, let's see, when did Nick get home....

 

Austin was the absolute easiest baby.  he would nurse and sleep.  My friends all said that if he was my first baby hey would be worried about the long stretches of sleep.  But he grew and gained great, so I didn't worry at all.

Austin was my only natural, medicated,  vaginal birth.  I used so much emotional and physical strength to give birth to him.  Austin taught be that I am strong and capable.

 

 

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Chance.  My preemie.  That's how I will think of him all of my life.  He's 35 years old right now but I still feel the vulnerability I felt when he was first born. 

Chance was born in Hong Kong in December 1990 at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital.  I was the only mother there breastfeeding.  And I was instant  that he only get my breast milk.    Being my fifth baby I thought that I could take great care and have him grow and get strong and health.   And I did know and I do know that a mother's own milk is best for a preemie.  

 

I ended up going back to the States with Austin and Chance, when Chance was 3 months old so I could get him the care I knew he needed.  Austin and Chance and I made the long trip from China to Virginia leaving Nick and Courtney and Morgan behind in Guangzhou.

I learned from Chance that I don't know everything about breastfeeding.  He taught me to understand the feelings of vulnerability and failure a new mother can feel.   

What I learned from  Chance is what prompted me to become an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant.   I helped many many mother and baby couples using what I learned in my mothering of Chance.

 

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I could add to this and maybe one day I will! 

 

 

 

 

It's cold outside!

 As usual I have spent ages pondering.  Thinking about what to write here.  There are so many thoughts going through my head at any time I feel like I am running down a steep hill and I'm not sure if I can catch myself and keep from falling when I reach my destination.  Do I even know what my destination is?

We had a snow storm about a week ago.  I think we got about 7" of snow.  But that was followed by freezing rain.  So the surface of the snow got covered with hard, frozen snow.  Most of the area school were closed.  For the most part the streets have been plowed.  But the sides of the road and turning lanes are still stacked with the concrete-hard snow.  It's being called "sno-crete"

I am asked, and I ask myself, does this remind me of Norway?  Yes and no. Streets were regularly plowed there- and the snow plows had different types of blades on the front that were adjusted for what kind of snow needed to be cleaned up.    We did have a lot of snow there.  way more than I have ever seen here.  But it was the norm.  We had studded snow tires.  we dressed appropriately.   And no, I have not gotten tired of snow.

When we returned from our tour in Tromsø my mother in law asked me "have you had enough snow now?".  To which I answered "no". 

My clumsy creaky older body does not appreciate this difficult, hard and slippery snow.   It is scary to step on the crust not knowing if the crust will crumble.

And it's funny thinking about the contrasts of our lives.  I follow the Chiang Mai New in English on Facebook.   I look at the pictures of the beaches and the goings on in Perth, Western Australia.  And of course I love seeing the pictures of Tromsø.  

 The days are getting longer.  Sun is setting way after 5:00 pm now.   Soon it will be spring and summer and the days will get even longer.. Not the contrasts in daylight that Norway has.

In Thailand and Australia there are seasons, but the length of the daylight doesn't   vary much throughout the year.

Next week we are heading to the West Coast for Courtney and Zach's wedding.    SO much to think about and write about.   But it's after 1:00 am so I will stop here. 

Sadness in America

 The past couple of weeks have been so sad and unbelievable.  Two Americans were shot and killed by ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) people.  Neither of them were doing anything that warranted being assassinated. 

The first, Renee Good is immortalized here 

  

                                                        

The second, only yesterday was shot and killed.

 

Pondering

 

 

 What do I want to do when I grow up?  Here's the thing, I am 71.  Not really old, but getting there.  I am a senior citizen.

And yet I fantasize.   I think of all he things I want to do and places I want to be.

I would love to spend about a week with each of the kids.   Except maybe Chance.  Because he lives pretty close as it is.

 I love my quiet, boring days.  I feel somewhat guilty that I don't have to do anything.  And I don't do very much.

My life is full of "shoulds".  I should eat better.  I should lose weight.  I should exercise more.  More?   Ha I don't really move much at all.

 I've made a few potholders lately.  A break from knitting I guess.

 

 

Calendars

 Every year for ages I have been making calendars.  I use the online services like Snapfish or Shutterfly.  I make enough for all five kids to have one, plus nieces and nephews, in-laws, my sister and us.

I guess it's a labor of love.  All of the photos (with a few exceptions)  are pictures I have taken.  Most of the pictures are of "things" suck as flowers, birds or locations/ landscapes.

 I love going into the kids' houses and seeing "my" calendar there.    Nick's mother especially enjoyed my photography and calendars.

I started collecting calendars way before I started to make them.  I am pretty sure I have them as far back as 1977.  I recorded the first time I felt Courtney kick when I was pregnant!  They are a sort of diary of day to day life.

We have made photo Christmas cards for most of our married life as well.

Here are the 2026 calendar pictures: 

 This is the cover picture of the 2026 calendar

 

And each month's photo: 

 

 

Where I am from

 

In the fifties, my father took my mother to the family farm in Kjørrefjord, Norway. and showed her where his father is buried.  He said “there, that’s the hole my father is in” and he  walked away.  Almost a lifetime later I stood at the foot of that same grave and felt so alive and connected.  Here lies a piece of me, or I a piece it, the earth, of him, my father’s father. That same day, I stood in the room my grandfather was born in.  I closed my eyes and in my imagination, I heard his first cries.  I cried.  I was born in that room that day.  And at that grave on that farm in that village.   I was whole and complete and I drank wine and ate cheese and strawberries under the midnight sun.  Home.

 

 

A variety of Christmas cards and Christmas photos