Our dinner group

This history of our dinner group was written a few years ago.

 None of the original, founding members are still involved.  Many have died. 

 History- The BG's (stands for Beloved Group) have been in existence almost 35 years, hard to believe.  The first activity was a pool party at the Snitkin's on August 7, 1982.  Founding members were Al and Alice Dalluge, Anne Alexander, Marnie Perlik, Stan and Miriam Snitkin, Muriel Slevin, Karlyn Winterhalter, Tom and EVirnston, Marie Nelson, Tom Mortimer, Robin Schrage, Meryl Vaughn, Curt and Mary Kornblau, Beryl Gilmore and Carole Coppersmith. You may know some of these people still, but most  have moved away or some sadly have  died.)

    This week we attended the first Extended Family get-togethers in a couple of years.  Thanks to the pandemic.   There was a Christmas gathering this year (Christmas 2021) but we stayed home because the kids were all here.

    I was reminiscing about the Christmas dinners/parties we have had.  I am sure we have hosted the December dinner for at least 10 years.  We cancelled twice.  One time there was too much snow for anyone to drive safely so we cancelled.  Then, in 2017 as I was preparing for brain surgery we decided to skip the hosting duties that year.    

    Something nice and surprising was that they group called me from the Christmas party and all talked to me and sent Christmas greetings.

    As I was watching TV this afternoon it occurred to me that, while I had my family- husband, kids sister all looking after me and helping take care of me, I didn't have a mother who cared.  My mother was gone.  She would have been so worried and concerned.  If she had been able bodied she would have helped me in anyway she could.

    Then I think about my own kids.   How I would do just about anything for them.   Driving to Richmond when Austin was sick- staying in his hospital room and sleeping in a recliner.   I know I was needed and I am so grateful that I was able to help.   

    Our dinner group is changing.  Shrinking it seems.  Two active members of the group have died during the pandemic.  One from a fall and the other from cancer.  The reason for our meeting this week was to farewell another two people who are moving to Florida.

    Nick is playing poker with the guys from the extended family in a week or so.   Beyond that, I don't know what is happening.  

    I hope that our little "family" doesn't cease to be.    

Christmas 2019

Christmas 2019

 

    

I am not sure where this is from, but it says so much

 

Life is hard sometimes- and I cannot even really understand why

 My weekly Zoom meeting starts in a few minutes, so I am not sure how much I will get written right now.    My last blog entry was somewhat optimistic I think.  Writing about the promise of new life knowing that there are some very welcome babies on the way earth-side.

I am tired all the time.  If I get five hours of sleep or eight hours I am tired.  I have an appointment with my doctor to see if there's anything going on.  Am I anemic?   Vitamin deficient?   Depressed?    

I know that I feel "down" about things that I tell myself shouldn't bother me.     I write to the kids and rarely get any replies.   I am sure all is well and they just don't think about it.   But, going from being their whole world to just being someone they know is not something I do well with.   When we do connect, they seem genuinely happy to see/ hear me.  I know that they love me.   I don't want to feel like I need "proof".  I just want to feel validated now and then.

 I know that I am not alone.  Lots of my friends with adult kids feel the same way.  Some have even had their children disconnect form them entirely.   I cannot imagine the pain that causes.

 And then there's my two friends who are fighting cancer.   I cannot stand thinking about how hard it is to imagine them gone.   And the treatments they are receiving seem to be so extreme- making them feel sicker than the cancer.   So it seems to me anyway.  It is always easy to second guess how you would do something.  "if it was me I would do"  whatever-

I wish I had a magic wand to fix the world.

Last evening (our time) I watched the live Anzac Day ceremony broadcast from Perth, Western Australia. It's a beautiful, somber event that is observed all over Australia and new Zealand.   I felt like I was there- in Kings Park just a five minute (or less) walk from our house in Perth.  Nick watched some of it too.   He said how it was awesome but he is sure glad he doesn't have to do that any more.  I do understand that as an introvert it was a hard job being the US Consul General.   We did have a lot of social, public responsibilities.     He had to make speeches from time to time and he did a wonderful job of it.  But it is exhausting for an introvert to do that.  As for me?  I loved it.  I was excited and energized by all of the events we went to.  Some serious events and others not so serious.   It made me sad to think that as far as I can tell that part of our life is over.

Anzac Day Dawn Service at Kings Park, Western Australia, 25 April 2009, 94th anniversary
Also called	Māori: Rā o Ngā Hōia[1]
Observed by	Australia Christmas Island Cocos (Keeling) Islands Cook Islands New Zealand Niue Norfolk Island Tokelau Tonga
Type	Commemorative, patriotic, historic
Significance	National day of remembrance and first landing of the Anzacs at Gallipoli
Observances	Dawn services, commemorative marches, remembrance services
Date	25 April
Next time	25 April 2022
Frequency	Annual
Related to	Remembrance Day

Maybe that is at least one of the reasons La Leche League is so important to me.  I always have friends.  I can talk and be heard.  I know a lot of things and ways to contribute and make a difference.  Yup.  That's me.

The goddamn pandemic feels like it has stolen those things.  It's so hard to have meetings and gatherings.  Maybe it will get better soon.  I hope so.

 

 

 

Seasons? Circle of Life?

 Some people say that everything happens for a reason.   Huh.  Really?    I supposed you can create a reason so things make sense.   But I think things just happen.

Now I don't mean regular stuff.  Like, putting the pizza into a hot oven makes it cook.   The cooked pizza is the thing that happened and the reason is that you put it in the oven when the oven was hot.  

Not sure if I am articulating this very well.

So, what am I getting at?  Well, for months I have been grieving over the deaths of too many friends.  Cancer is a biggie.   Three (at least) people I know have either died from their cancer or have cancer that might take them away.  Covid 19.  People that I only know in the sense that I know the loved ones of the people who have died.    We have all borne witness to the devastation this disease had wrought.   Accidents.   Two friends have died from falls.   One fell off of his roof.  The other fell down the stairs and fractured his skull.   One was immediate  (the fall from the roof) and the fall from down the stairs looked for a brief moment like recovery might happen.  One friend died because at almost 94 her body was just done.

Then the other day it struck me.  There are reasons to be happy.  Joyful even .One step relative had twins in December- and they are thriving!     A friend I only know on Facebook had a much wanted and loved daughter.  After numerous pregnancy losses she is truly in awe that her body was able to make this child and nourish her too.

My closest cousin, who already has three grandchildren is ecstatic to learn that she has three more grandchildren on the way.  A set of twins and a singleton. 

Babies and birth, when wanted, are such an affirmation of life. Like springtime.  All the trees and flowers are budding and new and beautiful.

And I titled this "Seasons".  Because things change and cycle and seem to renew somehow.  

Trees are the easiest examples of this.  In the fall, many trees turn beautiful colors- then the colorful  leaves fall off leaving the tree looking dead.   Naked and cold.   Spring comes and the little buds appear.  And then flowers and leaves.

And so, friends age and lose some of their vigor and sparkle.   And they die.  It is so sad.   And unlike the trees, they will not sprout new growth in the next season.  They are merely memories and old pictures and stories shared with mutual friends.

Babies are conceived and born.  They are so hard to figure out and so simple too.  And they are bright and they sparkle.   

Three seasons in the life of a cherry tree

This is the spooky old tree behind our house.    We call it that because it reminds us of a book we used to read to the kids:

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I woke up grumpy

 Actually, I woke up just fine. I got out of bed to go to the bathroom.  When I came back to bed, Buddy (the dog) had moved right on top of my pillow.  If he is lying parallel to the edge of the bed, it's not hard to get him to scoot over.  But, no, he wouldn't budge.  So I was not able to get back to sleep.   And now I have been up since 6:00 am and am grumpy.

I have a small sore in my mouth.  It looks like an infection at the site of an implant.  I saw the oral surgeon last week.  I see the regular dentist on Wednesday to have it cleaned out.  That makes me feel grumpy/

I got my first shingles shot yesterday.  My arm is sore.    I was prepared to feel really sick.  But I don't feel sick.  Just grumpy. And I have a headache.

I miss my kids.   I send emails, often group emails.  I know that they would prefer that I not send group emails.   But I don't know what to say.  Or, I am afraid I will say the "wrong thing" whatever that is.   Just a note saying "got your email" would be nice.  An acknowledgment that they are still alive somewhere and that I matter.  I feel like saying that to any of them will make them call me passive aggressive.   So I am sad.  And grumpy.

We, Nick and I, are coming up on our 50th anniversary.   I think that's pretty special.  I want to do something to celebrate.   But I cannot think of what to do without putting anyone/ everyone out.  I'd love to do something that includes the kids and my sister and other family.   Our 25th anniversary was important to me but I ended up feeling like I had to fight for it.  We did have a wonderful day- renewing our vows and having a party.  But I was sad because I had to convince Nick that it was important.  When your feelings are not taken seriously, even if you end up with what you wanted, it makes you sad.

Also there's a wedding on the weekend of our anniversary and there are out of town relatives who are attending the wedding who are staying with us.     It's hard to say no, so I said yes.   But I honestly don't know what else to do.   So I am grumpy.

And I am tired.

let sleeping dogs lie

The finches are yellow, it must be spring!

 I have birdfeeders and so, I have a lot of birds around.  I don't remember being into birdfeeders much until 2001 when my brother died.  

My sister and I went a little grief crazy and cleared and planted in my back yard.  The yard was pretty overgrown, so I went out and bought a chain saw.  As I wielded that chain saw I said "I am a woman with a chain saw, look out!"

Part of that landscaping included planting trees, bushes and flowers.  And putting in a pole for birdfeeders.   Ever since then I have had bird feeders.    

I didn't know a lot about birds, just that I liked them.  The finches were such a brilliant shade of yellow- they represented hope and joy to me.   I had a finch feeder hanging where I could see it from my sewing room window.  

As the season changed, the yellow finches turned brown.  I didn't know that they did that, but I learned. And I learned that in the early spring their brown becomes tinted with yellow and than one day they are all over bright yellow.  It is spring here now- the finches told me.

This pretty bird- I am not sure what is is, was stunned from flying into the back door I think.  He allowed me to hold him and I got a picture.   

When I go outside in the morning I hear the birds singing up a storm.  I love it!   After dark I hear the occasional owl.  But mostly I hear the frogs with their own kind of evening concert going on.