My weekly Zoom meeting starts in a few minutes, so I am not sure how much I will get written right now. My last blog entry was somewhat optimistic I think. Writing about the promise of new life knowing that there are some very welcome babies on the way earth-side.
I am tired all the time. If I get five hours of sleep or eight hours I am tired. I have an appointment with my doctor to see if there's anything going on. Am I anemic? Vitamin deficient? Depressed?
I know that I feel "down" about things that I tell myself shouldn't bother me. I write to the kids and rarely get any replies. I am sure all is well and they just don't think about it. But, going from being their whole world to just being someone they know is not something I do well with. When we do connect, they seem genuinely happy to see/ hear me. I know that they love me. I don't want to feel like I need "proof". I just want to feel validated now and then.
I know that I am not alone. Lots of my friends with adult kids feel the same way. Some have even had their children disconnect form them entirely. I cannot imagine the pain that causes.
And then there's my two friends who are fighting cancer. I cannot stand thinking about how hard it is to imagine them gone. And the treatments they are receiving seem to be so extreme- making them feel sicker than the cancer. So it seems to me anyway. It is always easy to second guess how you would do something. "if it was me I would do" whatever-
I wish I had a magic wand to fix the world.
Last evening (our time) I watched the live Anzac Day ceremony broadcast from Perth, Western Australia. It's a beautiful, somber event that is observed all over Australia and new Zealand. I felt like I was there- in Kings Park just a five minute (or less) walk from our house in Perth. Nick watched some of it too. He said how it was awesome but he is sure glad he doesn't have to do that any more. I do understand that as an introvert it was a hard job being the US Consul General. We did have a lot of social, public responsibilities. He had to make speeches from time to time and he did a wonderful job of it. But it is exhausting for an introvert to do that. As for me? I loved it. I was excited and energized by all of the events we went to. Some serious events and others not so serious. It made me sad to think that as far as I can tell that part of our life is over.
Anzac Day Dawn Service at Kings Park, Western Australia, 25 April 2009, 94th anniversary | |
| Also called | Māori: Rā o Ngā Hōia[1] |
|---|---|
| Observed by | Australia Christmas Island Cocos (Keeling) Islands Cook Islands New Zealand Niue Norfolk Island Tokelau Tonga |
| Type | Commemorative, patriotic, historic |
| Significance | National day of remembrance and first landing of the Anzacs at Gallipoli |
| Observances | Dawn services, commemorative marches, remembrance services |
| Date | 25 April |
| Next time | 25 April 2022 |
| Frequency | Annual |
| Related to | Remembrance Day |
Maybe that is at least one of the reasons La Leche League is so important to me. I always have friends. I can talk and be heard. I know a lot of things and ways to contribute and make a difference. Yup. That's me.
The goddamn pandemic feels like it has stolen those things. It's so hard to have meetings and gatherings. Maybe it will get better soon. I hope so.
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