I woke up grumpy

 Actually, I woke up just fine. I got out of bed to go to the bathroom.  When I came back to bed, Buddy (the dog) had moved right on top of my pillow.  If he is lying parallel to the edge of the bed, it's not hard to get him to scoot over.  But, no, he wouldn't budge.  So I was not able to get back to sleep.   And now I have been up since 6:00 am and am grumpy.

I have a small sore in my mouth.  It looks like an infection at the site of an implant.  I saw the oral surgeon last week.  I see the regular dentist on Wednesday to have it cleaned out.  That makes me feel grumpy/

I got my first shingles shot yesterday.  My arm is sore.    I was prepared to feel really sick.  But I don't feel sick.  Just grumpy. And I have a headache.

I miss my kids.   I send emails, often group emails.  I know that they would prefer that I not send group emails.   But I don't know what to say.  Or, I am afraid I will say the "wrong thing" whatever that is.   Just a note saying "got your email" would be nice.  An acknowledgment that they are still alive somewhere and that I matter.  I feel like saying that to any of them will make them call me passive aggressive.   So I am sad.  And grumpy.

We, Nick and I, are coming up on our 50th anniversary.   I think that's pretty special.  I want to do something to celebrate.   But I cannot think of what to do without putting anyone/ everyone out.  I'd love to do something that includes the kids and my sister and other family.   Our 25th anniversary was important to me but I ended up feeling like I had to fight for it.  We did have a wonderful day- renewing our vows and having a party.  But I was sad because I had to convince Nick that it was important.  When your feelings are not taken seriously, even if you end up with what you wanted, it makes you sad.

Also there's a wedding on the weekend of our anniversary and there are out of town relatives who are attending the wedding who are staying with us.     It's hard to say no, so I said yes.   But I honestly don't know what else to do.   So I am grumpy.

And I am tired.

let sleeping dogs lie