I took a long break between working on the binders. At least a month. I have been busy working on Courtney's sweater (which she really likes by the way)
It's always interesting, amusing, educational and nostalgic to re live the past this way. Some letters are typed. The ones from my dad and from Nick's parents are almost all typed. It's a good thing because it is easier to read typewritten words. But, the hand written letters are so personal. Everyone's handwriting is unique and so often recognizable.
I have come across wedding invitations of couples who are now divorced. The birth announcement of a friend's son, whose same son died as a fighter pilot so many years later.
Letters from my grandparents and Nick's grandmother, all gone now. From my parents, brother, in-laws. Even a few friends. All gone. Their letters bring them back to life and make them real again.
One thing that makes me sad is the letters of condolence from when I lost my first baby. That first pregnancy was so exciting and wonderful. Everyone in both of our families were excited. My dad's letters said "so there will be three of you coming back from Thailand". Actually, there were three of us. Just not the baby we had thought we would have.
It is such a blurry memory. I was pregnant. I was growing a nice little belly. I was wearing maternity clothes. And then I wasn't. It's not that easy. I didn't just wake up not pregnant. I went to the hospital and found out that I was not pregnant any more.
I never "knew" that baby. I never met or saw that baby. I don't even know if it was a boy or a girl.
As with each of my pregnancies, that one, the first one, was an affirmation of life. An act of deliberate optimism . Then there was the sadness.
I am so happy that I got pregnant with Courtney and had no complications or concerns. The birth and the days after were hard, but so wonderful.
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