So many thoughts...

 

 

 I have been thinking about so many different things my brain is getting dizzy (not really).    Thinking about the cruise. How it is traveling with a woman who used to be my little girl.  How relationships change.

Thinking about various sons and their struggles and concerns.  Hurt feelings.  Homeowner worries.   Happy times too.    

It was really hard being a stay at home mom.   But I am sure being a "working" mom is hard too.   The messes.  The fights and arguments about the injustices of life- "how come he gets to go and I don't?"

Hand prints on the walls soon to be replaced by hand prints on the ceiling.  Really?  Yes, really.   

Dirty bathtubs.  Dirty clothes.  Dirty laundry.   Smelly boys- first with BO and later with the noxious odor of a product called "AXE" which must be made just for boys over the age of 13.   

Homework.  Backpacks full of papers that need attention.  Or did need attention.

How do you get one kid to their friend's house while taxiing two other kids to their baseball games at fields in opposite directions?   Don't forget to take the baby.

And then, one by one they leave.  And it gets quieter.   And there are hordes of hungry teenagers around the dinner table devouring pizza.   Actually, it's kind of fun having the kids' friends at the house.  I know where my kids are and I enjoy hearing the racket and laughter.

Then one day you look around.  The only toys on the floor belong to the dog.  Each kid has their own house and home.  Some come back for a while to touch base.  They re-charge.   To center themselves.  To learn once again that while they love their parents they really do not want to live with them forever.

I wonder if it can be difficult for grown children to understand that their parents are slowing down.   Their parents do things to do not involve their children- the same people who not that long ago sucked their energy away.

Would I do it all again?  yes. In a heartbeat.   Would I do it different?  Yes.  I think I would.  I often think about how I should have been more patient and kind.   But it is such a hard and rewarding job.