More from Facebook/ "Born this way"

 Something I wrote on Facebook October 1, 2020

Many of you know the Lady Gaga song "Born this Way". Well, I am a bit of an extrovert. I was born this way. I think maybe it is hard for some people to understand me and think I am just trying to get attention all the time. I don't think that's it though. I have so much rolling around in my mind all the time. I am usually excited about things/ life/ causes, whatever. I want to share my enthusiasm and joy.

My husband all my 5 children are all introverts to some extent or another. I think that often they just find me annoying. Embarrassing even. Afraid of what I might say next. I guess that's not too unreasonable. But it makes me sad at times.

There are times I want to celebrate. Birthdays, Anniversaries, special days of all sorts.

I want to share these days with the people I love the most. I hope and wish they can give me the time and place to celebrate with all of us together.

My (our) 50th anniversary is in less than 2 years. The thought of having all of my children with us fills me with joy. I hope we can do it.

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I wrote it because I was feeling really down. I was talking about having something special- a party or a trip or something, with all five kids.  The response I was hearing is that it would be too much to ask all of the kids to come. To go out of their way. That I am setting myself up for disappointment. Well, at that moment I was feeling disappointment. Instead of sharing my excitement and anticipation, I was feeling like MY feelings are not the most important. 

 

We've talked about it and I am sure it will be fine. I just get sad and disappointed that I can be asked to put my feelings last.

Better to be a dog in times of tranquility than a human in times of chaos." (寧為太平犬，不做亂世人

 The above  is apparently a more literal translation of the expression pro-porting to be from Chinese in the form of  "May you live in interesting times".

Yes, I do think I like the idea of being a dog in times of tranquility.  We humans are certainly living in times of chaos! 

It's been seven months since we started to isolate and shut down against the corona virus.   At first, the world seemed to be on hold.  The traffic let up a lot.   There were reports of natural resources returning to places that had been polluted.  It was scary and eerily peaceful.

Of course, even in times of isolation, social distancing and wearing masks.  Life does go on.  There are grave injustices.  There  are Black people dying at the hands of police.   People are mad.  Fed up.  And the situation and feelings are even more intensified by this dreaded disease.

The presidential election is in just over a month.  President Trump has been diagnosed with corona virus and is in the Walter Reed Military Hospital.   This is the man who said it  the whole thing is a hoax.  Who refused to wear a mask.  Who's supporters also refuse to wear masks.   This is a man who has lied and lied so it is hard to know if he is really sick.  

So I go between being sad, tired, angry confused.   I knit.  I write on Facebook.   

I think about my kids constantly.  I worry about them- hoping that they are happy their lives.  They are each so different, and yet it is easy to tell that they come from the same family of origin.   

I think about aging.  Something I have written about quite a bit.  Nick and I really are getting there.  I do not voluntarily sit on the floor- it's too hard to get up.  Yet sitting on the floor used to be so natural.  When the kids were little I was on the floor all the time.   If we ever get to be grandparents, we will not have the agility and energy we would wish to have.  More than likely if grandchildren born into the family, Nick and I will probably not live long enough to see high school and college graduations.  And weddings.  Maybe I have "pre-grief".

On a completely different note, this afternoon as I was doing laundry, I mentioned that the washing machine has been making strange noises.  Nick and Austin stood over the washer commenting on all of the buttons and settings. Nick was fascinated entertained.   Here's what I put on Facebook:

My husband and son are currently finding watching the washing machine filling up to be very entertaining. Pandemic has caused this insanity

 

How I Felt About Being an American Election Official in the year 2000

Election Day

By Nancy Sherwood ©

November 7, 2000

 

(Before we knew how long it would take to have a new President)

 

I am emotionally and physically exhausted. Today I worked as an Election  Officer. We arrived at the polls at 5:00 AM to get sworn in and set up the  machinery. The polling place I worked at was Armstrong Elementary School in  North Reston. We all left after 8:30 p.m. At my polling place there were about 15 of us Election Officials.

 I won't go into tedious detail of all the things we all did today at the  polls. There were some people who were irate that at the busiest times they  had to wait for 45 minutes. There were those young people who are just old  enough to vote in their first election. There were the newly naturalized US  citizens who were also voting for the first time. The Chinese couple who  took pictures of each other going into the voting booth and asked an  election official to take their picture. The Iranian man who said he hopes  that one day Iran will have free democratic elections. The recently married  women who were not sure if they were still registered in their maiden name  or their new name. The young mother with her four day old baby and the  pregnant woman who was supposed to be on bed rest (she got to go to the front of the line). The little children who were so excited to be able to  go into the voting booth with their parents. The autistic young man who's  father helped him vote. The woman with her elderly mother who asked me to  help her mother keep from falling over while she voted. The husbands and  wives who saw that their spouse had already been there- or not.  The widow, voting for the first time as a widow seeing the absence of  her husband’s  name, another reminder of the permanence of his death.  The woman  in the wheel chair- we have adjustable voting booths to accommodate. The  blind man who's assistant helped him. The eight grader taking pictures of  his mom going into the voting booth and coming out- a Social Studies  assignment. .  

The smiles of satisfaction. The people saying how proud they were to be  able to vote. Everyone wanted a sticker that said "I Voted". 

 My children came to see “Mom the Election Official”.  What better way for them to learn than seeing democracy at work.

  I stood for hours. My back and feet hurt. I sat for hours looking up names  and checking them off. My eyes hurt. My face hurts from smiling at so many  wonderful people. All of us working today were totally exhausted and yet  exhilarated at the same time. None of us took very long breaks for lunch or rest. We could have, but we all shared the feeling of being a part of something important and didn't want to miss a minute.

 I don't know if my candidate will win. Yes I do care. But I know that I  did my bit. I have so many choices and such freedom as an American that I  count myself among those lucky enough to call this country my home.

 Am I pooped? You bet. Would I do it again? In a heart beat!

 

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg has died

 In memory and honor of Judge Ruth Bader Ginsburg,  crowds have gathered on the steps of the US Supreme Court

Connecting / Facebook/ Knitting

 I am, in a Facebook group (or is it a page, I cannot tell them apart).  Anyway it's called "Addicted to Knitting"

Every so often I will post a picture of something I am making.  Or a completed knitted item.  I know that the other people there will appreciate my work.

Yesterday I was dealing with a frustration I have with some patterns.  How the instructions are so annoying.  I posted this and so far I have received/ instigated 440 comments.  Many accompanied by pictures very much like the one I posted.  Here it is:

Maybe I am not the only person annoyed by this. The pattern says "Rows 10-15 repeat Rows 4-9 once" I do understand, but I get all confused. Here's what I end up doing so I keep track: Anyone else?

 

48 days till "the" election

 My profound thought, that I was going to write on Facebook is this:  Everyone pretty much knows who they favor for the election.  I wouldn't consider Trump under any circumstances.  There are just too many bad. terrible things about him.   People who support Trump are firm in their conviction as well.  I think that they are wrong.  They think I am wrong.   So, why do we all keep posting and saying things about it?   Why do I bother saying negative stuff?  I am not going to change anyone's mind.  And most of my friends are with me on the political spectrum.

Are we venting.  Are we trying to keep our morale high?  Are we thinking that maybe "the other side" will say "oh I see, yes you are right"?   I guess it's just what we do.  Cheer for our favorites and villainize  the other guy.   There's so much worry, stress, anxiety. I for one am truly afraid.  Many others are too.  But, the only thing I know that I can do it vote.  And vote I will!

It's 2020.  What could go wrong?   Let's see, almost two hundred thousand people in America have died of Corona Virus.   Schools are not opening, many colleges are closed.  Most of us are careful and cautious and stay home as much as possible.   When we go anywhere, we wear a mask.  With the exception of a group who believe that masks are a violation of their constitutional rights.  That covid is a hoax.   So we watch and wait and hope for the disease to die out (no pun intended)

Demonstrations for the Black Lives Matter cause.  Justifiable especially in the wake of George Floyd's death at the hands- or rather knee, of police.

Lets see, how about some wild fires just to make life more interesting.  In California, Oregon and Washington the smoke is making the air quality dangerous.    And I have three of my children living there, in the smoke.  Breathing it.  And I worry.

A picture of a plane taking off in Portland Oregon two days ago.  Picture taken by my daughter.

 

My son lives in Seattle.  Here's his view from his apartment: three days ago this is how smokey it was.

 

 

 Yesterday

 

 2view from my son's apartment 2018when I visited

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Neck ties and bag lunches and realizations

 I can't remember now what I was looking at that prompted a thought of Nick (husband) and him wearing a neck tie.  Every day, when we were raising the kids and they were all still at home, Nick would put on his tie and go to work.   I can't even remember him taking any sick leave- unless it was to be with me when we were having a baby.

Every evening, Nick laid out three, four or five brown paper bags, label each one with the appropriate name for which ever kid's lunch would go into that bag.  And he would make lunches for the next morning.  Peanut butter sandwiches.  mini bags of chips, some sort of fruit snack.  Each child got a custom made lunch to meet their preferences.    In the morning as they ran out the door to catch the bus they would be handed their lunch bag.

When the kids started high school and middle school they left the house really early.  Before Nick had left for work, so he got them out the door.  Often I was still asleep with whoever were the youngest at the time.  Elementary school started later.  I got the younger kids up, fed and dressed and sent them out the door with the lunches that their dad had made the night before.

 I know that we weren't prefect parents.  We got mad and yelled when we should have been more patient.   We forgot things and did "stupid" things.  I am sure we were embarrassing -though all of our kids enjoyed having their friends over.  It was not unusual to have extra kids at the dinner table.   

I was happy when the kids had friends over.  It made me realize that we had a home where kids could be comfortable.

I was a bit too anxious, or something.   I worked hard at keeping the house clean and tidy.  I got mad too easily.   I think that the huge responsibility for so many people,and the sometimes chaotic atmosphere in our house are the reasons I did keep the house clean and in order.  It felt like a piece of order in the chaos, and I needed that.

My mother used to say "wait until you have kids, then you'll understand".  She was right.  At least partially.   My kids were high energy as healthy kids are.  But they were never as "bad" as I was.  They rarely talked back to me.   Or screamed.  They never ran away from home.    They were not usually very sneaky.    I got lucky with the kids we made.   

But I also understand some of what my mother meant.   I was home with the kids.  Available to take them to games or friends houses, or bake cookies.  I picked them up from school when they were sick.  I stayed home with them when they were sick.    I did their laundry until they were old enough to learn how to do their own.   I gave them chores.  Sometimes they didn't like doing chores.  Sometimes it would have been a lot easier to just do it myself.  But I hope that they all learned a few life skills along the way.

What my mother was right about, was this:   I suspect as adults on their own now they don't even think about their dad making their school lunches.  Or the fact that their dad went to work every day even when he probably didn't want to so we could afford for me to be at home.   I doubt that they remember us cleaning up when they were sick.  Me taking them to the doctor, dentist, orthodontist.  On field trips.

It's okay.  We did those things because we wanted to.  Because we could.  We chose our life.

I just hope that when the kids are remembering our failures, and their were plenty, they will remember the good stuff too.

Above all, we have both loved our children even more than they will ever imagine.  And that I suspect is a part of what my mm meant too when she said "just wait"