I can't remember now what I was looking at that prompted a thought of Nick (husband) and him wearing a neck tie. Every day, when we were raising the kids and they were all still at home, Nick would put on his tie and go to work. I can't even remember him taking any sick leave- unless it was to be with me when we were having a baby.
Every evening, Nick laid out three, four or five brown paper bags, label each one with the appropriate name for which ever kid's lunch would go into that bag. And he would make lunches for the next morning. Peanut butter sandwiches. mini bags of chips, some sort of fruit snack. Each child got a custom made lunch to meet their preferences. In the morning as they ran out the door to catch the bus they would be handed their lunch bag.
When the kids started high school and middle school they left the house really early. Before Nick had left for work, so he got them out the door. Often I was still asleep with whoever were the youngest at the time. Elementary school started later. I got the younger kids up, fed and dressed and sent them out the door with the lunches that their dad had made the night before.
I know that we weren't prefect parents. We got mad and yelled when we should have been more patient. We forgot things and did "stupid" things. I am sure we were embarrassing -though all of our kids enjoyed having their friends over. It was not unusual to have extra kids at the dinner table.
I was happy when the kids had friends over. It made me realize that we had a home where kids could be comfortable.
I was a bit too anxious, or something. I worked hard at keeping the house clean and tidy. I got mad too easily. I think that the huge responsibility for so many people,and the sometimes chaotic atmosphere in our house are the reasons I did keep the house clean and in order. It felt like a piece of order in the chaos, and I needed that.
My mother used to say "wait until you have kids, then you'll understand". She was right. At least partially. My kids were high energy as healthy kids are. But they were never as "bad" as I was. They rarely talked back to me. Or screamed. They never ran away from home. They were not usually very sneaky. I got lucky with the kids we made.
But I also understand some of what my mother meant. I was home with the kids. Available to take them to games or friends houses, or bake cookies. I picked them up from school when they were sick. I stayed home with them when they were sick. I did their laundry until they were old enough to learn how to do their own. I gave them chores. Sometimes they didn't like doing chores. Sometimes it would have been a lot easier to just do it myself. But I hope that they all learned a few life skills along the way.
What my mother was right about, was this: I suspect as adults on their own now they don't even think about their dad making their school lunches. Or the fact that their dad went to work every day even when he probably didn't want to so we could afford for me to be at home. I doubt that they remember us cleaning up when they were sick. Me taking them to the doctor, dentist, orthodontist. On field trips.
It's okay. We did those things because we wanted to. Because we could. We chose our life.
I just hope that when the kids are remembering our failures, and their were plenty, they will remember the good stuff too.
Above all, we have both loved our children even more than they will ever imagine. And that I suspect is a part of what my mm meant too when she said "just wait"
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