Bucket Lists

 I googled "bucket" and came across this picture.  I was thinking about bucket lists.  People often talk about what's on their bucket list and I am always thinking-hey I don't have a bucket list.  But maybe I do.

 

I'm 70.  What do I want to do?  With the rest of my life?   Whew.  How long is that?   

When I really think about it there are so many things I want to do.  I want to go back to every country and city we have lived in overseas.  I want to see our old houses when possible.   I am know that the apartments we lived in in Bangkok are gone.  Knocked down so something else could be built there   I am pretty sure our house in Poznan, Poland is still there as is our house in Tromso, Norway And Perth, Western Australia.  Taipei?  Probably not.  Chiang Mai?  I don't know.

We lived in all of these places and they are etched into my brain as pieces of my life.  The floor I sat on to play with the kids.   The couch I nursed this or that baby on.   Kitchens and bathrooms.  All a part of who and what I am.

So, that's some of my bucket list.

I have friends all over the world.  Especially my La Leche League Power Surge friends.  I want to go visit each one of them.  I want to go to Australia and see my former next door neighbor who I knew in Bangkok- who had her first baby just days after I had my first.

I know that you can't ever "go back home".  Or even know where home is.  You cannot relive that once upon a time life.  And it's probably a good thing because nostalgia is just remembering things in ways that are not really accurate.  Some of the memories that seem so beautiful actually had children throwing up or screaming or fighting with each other.  And me losing my temper too.

But to just look though my life with the sweetest memories and fondness.  That's what I want.

People. yes, people are a lot of what I want, in my bucket list.  To reconnect with people that I have shared small splinters of time and life with.  But memorably.

I feel like a kid in a candy store.  There are so many delights and I want them all.  But which do I want the most?  And will I get to do most or these things or even any of them.

I could live another 10 years.  Or 20 years maybe- not likely though.

A part of me feels the urgency to do and see everything and everyone while I can.  

And another part of me wants to sit in my chair, knitting and watching TV.   And living in the moment.  Being where I am.  

I guess I don't really know if I have a bucket list!