It is New Years Eve. At least the morning of. It won't be 2013 for another 22 hours give or take. I don't know if I will even stay up. Probably will since I am usually up past midnight on ordinary nights.
I went to visit a mom and her new baby today. Her 2 1/2 year old little one was there too. I helped with baby #1 with some breastfeeding issues too.
I see and work with so many mothers and babies that sometimes I lose track of how many. I keep written records of all the visits I make, and about once a year I go through them, partly to reminisce, and partly to count how many.
It is really amazing to be involved in such a private and sacred part of the beginning of a love affair between a mother an her baby. And most of the time, the dads are right there. They don't want to miss anything. They want to understand what the issues are and they want to know how to help.
Every now and then a dad will ask if he can take pictures and occasionally he will want to make a video of what we are doing. I always say yes. So often these pictures show exactly what the parents cannot see for their up close and personal point of view. I suspect that some of the time just having these pictures is a sort of insurance policy. They may never get looked at or used again. But they are there. They are proof that this parenting thing, this breastfeeding thing can really be done.
Every so often I will get a thank you note. I treasure those notes. I also occasionally receive pictures of the babies I have worked with. I treasure those as well.
I read as much as I could find in 1977-78 Bangkok while waiting for the birth of Courtney. I found so much that really touched my heart and soul. The best book was the early, blue edition of the La Leche League manual, The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. That book was full of practical information and advice on the possible difficulties and how to overcome then. The approach was very baby centric. There was no "us & them" that I encountered in so many other books. I felt at home with the attachment philosophy of parenting. I learned the concept of "people first". I learned that our babies are people too.
After the breaking in period (breaking me in a a new mom) nursing and mothering Courtney was amazing. I was so young and excited and full of awe and energy. I bathed her and changed her and cuddled with her and breathed her in. I was head over heals in love. I felt good at what I was doing.
It got easier with each of the next three babies to fall into the mothering role. There were no big surprises except for the one that LLL had warned about; love does not divide, it grows! It also made me understand and fight for what was best for Chance in his premature/ failure to thrive state.
I hope that I am giving some of the feeling of wonder to new parents. At first I was a young mom with young kids, and so even though I was a peer, and so I was accepted, I had a lot to learn. Now I am as old or older than the mothers of the women I help. I hope that they see me as a mentor. I am often educating the grandparents too as I go along.
I have learned a lot. I know a lot. I continue to attend seminars on breastfeeding as much as possible. I keep learning.
I want to share the joy and peace you can find when parenting -especially the first time with the first baby. No wonder I wanted five. Really I love the baby part. I am such a good mom to small babies.
Surrender is a soft and strong word at the same time. When a mom is totally , well... not fun, and she does"t know what to about it, I offer the word, "surrender" It has worked amazingly. Babies and toddlers thrive when a parents gives their full attention..
I must sleep now before I make any more typos. I will publish now and check for errors tomorrow
.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
It's Christmas
What a strange time of year-when I go through every possible emotion. The main emotion is sadness and melancholy. Sad because Christmas was a most anticipated day when I was a kid. And every year it ended up the same- with my parents fighting and us kids crying. What a sad, sorry legacy.
Melancholy I guess because I now have forty good Christmases first as a wife and then as a mother as a part of my history, yet the kids are all grown up. I cannot hold them in my lap and giggle with them like I used to be able to. I don't get to see the look in their eyes- such wonder when they first walk into the room and see the lit up tree with stacks of toys spilling all over the place. "Santa came" they used to whisper in awe. What priceless moments Nick and I have shared. What memories we made together with our babies as they grew up. And now we just get to see them some of the time. They have busy lives. We have less busy lives. No, I am not sad, just wistful. Wishing it could have lasted a little bit longer.
There is so much about being a child that is magical. And it is such a privilege to be a parent and witness each new discovery. Figuring out how to nurse, then finding your hand for the first time. Crawling and falling on your face. Walking- what joy. Getting on a bike with Mom and Dad running along beside- and then we let you go. You can balance on the bike. You leave us in your dust.
You grow and learn and keep running to new goals and don't look back. And here we are cheering you on. And worrying about you. And wondering about your choices sometimes. And worrying about you in our cells, constantly, unconsciously, as we breath. You are in each breath we take, breathing in, breathing out.
And I wonder if my parents ever felt this way about me and my siblings. And I wonder if their parents ever felt the same way.
And I wonder if my children will ever understand why we had them. How, we would have been a complete couple and family even without having had children. Just as there are people in the world who don't read and don't really know the concept of reading. They live their lives and are as fulfilled or not depending upon what befalls them in their world. But teach one of those people how to read and a whole new person emerges from somewhere deep inside.
Having children and being a mother had been that for me. If I had not been a mother, I would have been able to find happiness and wholeness. I am sure of it. In fact, maybe it would have been easier if I only had to focus on my well being and not that of others. But I chose to invite all of my children into the world and into my life. And in turn, they taught me to read. To see the absolute joy of finding your hands and then your feet, for the first time. And all those other firsts I already wrote about.
I have received so much love that if it were a vaccine I would be the healthiest woman alive. Nursing a baby who looks at you, nipple in mouth, and the baby smiles, nipple still in, with milk dribbling all over me and the baby is absolutely delicious.
Hearing my three year old sing "skin a ma rink-a dink a do I love you" brought tears to my eyes over 20 years ago, and behind that serious, bearded face I still see that little sweetheart with that soft high voice. Ah.
And there's nothing quite like helping your teen to drive. Now try doing it five times with five teens.
And through it all, we keep pouring our hearts and souls into these wonderful people, our children, with the ultimate goal of letting go. Saying "go, fly, spread your wings". We will be here hopefully for a good while yet to come. You are all grown up, but we know that we are still needed, just not in the same ways.
So, Merry Christmas to Courtney, Morgan, Darcy, Austin and Chance. And to Nick, my life partner who has shared this crazy journey with me. You never promised smooth sailing did you?
Melancholy I guess because I now have forty good Christmases first as a wife and then as a mother as a part of my history, yet the kids are all grown up. I cannot hold them in my lap and giggle with them like I used to be able to. I don't get to see the look in their eyes- such wonder when they first walk into the room and see the lit up tree with stacks of toys spilling all over the place. "Santa came" they used to whisper in awe. What priceless moments Nick and I have shared. What memories we made together with our babies as they grew up. And now we just get to see them some of the time. They have busy lives. We have less busy lives. No, I am not sad, just wistful. Wishing it could have lasted a little bit longer.
There is so much about being a child that is magical. And it is such a privilege to be a parent and witness each new discovery. Figuring out how to nurse, then finding your hand for the first time. Crawling and falling on your face. Walking- what joy. Getting on a bike with Mom and Dad running along beside- and then we let you go. You can balance on the bike. You leave us in your dust.
You grow and learn and keep running to new goals and don't look back. And here we are cheering you on. And worrying about you. And wondering about your choices sometimes. And worrying about you in our cells, constantly, unconsciously, as we breath. You are in each breath we take, breathing in, breathing out.
And I wonder if my parents ever felt this way about me and my siblings. And I wonder if their parents ever felt the same way.
And I wonder if my children will ever understand why we had them. How, we would have been a complete couple and family even without having had children. Just as there are people in the world who don't read and don't really know the concept of reading. They live their lives and are as fulfilled or not depending upon what befalls them in their world. But teach one of those people how to read and a whole new person emerges from somewhere deep inside.
Having children and being a mother had been that for me. If I had not been a mother, I would have been able to find happiness and wholeness. I am sure of it. In fact, maybe it would have been easier if I only had to focus on my well being and not that of others. But I chose to invite all of my children into the world and into my life. And in turn, they taught me to read. To see the absolute joy of finding your hands and then your feet, for the first time. And all those other firsts I already wrote about.
I have received so much love that if it were a vaccine I would be the healthiest woman alive. Nursing a baby who looks at you, nipple in mouth, and the baby smiles, nipple still in, with milk dribbling all over me and the baby is absolutely delicious.
Hearing my three year old sing "skin a ma rink-a dink a do I love you" brought tears to my eyes over 20 years ago, and behind that serious, bearded face I still see that little sweetheart with that soft high voice. Ah.
And there's nothing quite like helping your teen to drive. Now try doing it five times with five teens.
And through it all, we keep pouring our hearts and souls into these wonderful people, our children, with the ultimate goal of letting go. Saying "go, fly, spread your wings". We will be here hopefully for a good while yet to come. You are all grown up, but we know that we are still needed, just not in the same ways.
So, Merry Christmas to Courtney, Morgan, Darcy, Austin and Chance. And to Nick, my life partner who has shared this crazy journey with me. You never promised smooth sailing did you?
Monday, December 17, 2012
Hi, it's me again
The last couple of days have been emotionally terrible. Shootings in Connecticut. Small children and teachers. I don't want to talk about it with anybody. I don't want to argue about gun laws. Or God in the schools. I just want to be sad for a while.
I am so amazingly lucky, blessed if you use that word, to have five wonderful, healthy, kind, smart adult children. I will be doubly blessed if they all outlive me. They just have to. That's all there is to it.
I wrote on Facebook that I really wanted to go to church today because of the shootings, I really did not want to be around all of the people and to hear people talking about it. It's not taboo. In fact I wish everyone would speak more openly and honestly. I just needed today to have my thoughts all to myself.
It's times like this that I wish I could believe in God and heaven. I understand the comfort that it brings to have faith. My faith is different. I have faith in the goodness in most peoples hearts. I have faith that when I plant a seed it will grow. That the day will follow the night and then the night will follow the day.
Now I need to stop thinking and let my brain and body rest so I can get up and worry another day.
I am so amazingly lucky, blessed if you use that word, to have five wonderful, healthy, kind, smart adult children. I will be doubly blessed if they all outlive me. They just have to. That's all there is to it.
I wrote on Facebook that I really wanted to go to church today because of the shootings, I really did not want to be around all of the people and to hear people talking about it. It's not taboo. In fact I wish everyone would speak more openly and honestly. I just needed today to have my thoughts all to myself.
It's times like this that I wish I could believe in God and heaven. I understand the comfort that it brings to have faith. My faith is different. I have faith in the goodness in most peoples hearts. I have faith that when I plant a seed it will grow. That the day will follow the night and then the night will follow the day.
Now I need to stop thinking and let my brain and body rest so I can get up and worry another day.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
What do I do next?
For the last eight years, I watched the girls and so had some structure to my day. That plus Nick working meant that I had certain expectation of how the day would go and what to do.
At least that's what my memory is telling me.
Now, Nick and I are home all day together. In get busy with LC calls and other appointments. I visit my sister. Stuff like that.
But I really don't feel like doing anything an awful lot of the time. I am content to sit and watch TV while I knit. Or I come here, on my computer and stare at the screen for hours and feel guilty about not doing anything.
I am a good, if not great cook. But I don't feel like it most of the time. The house can always use some cleaning up here and there. But it isn't urgent.
So, what?
I have already gotten our Christmas cards printed. I don't think I will include a letter this year and I will hope that not too many people are confused about who's who on the card.
I just printed the mailing labels and return address labels. We have holiday stamps. I guess I'll go start stuffing envelopes, and sticking labels onto them.
I am really hungry. I think I am cooking eggs. Not sure how I will cook them. Let's see where the spririt moves me.
And I want to wake up thin and beautiful. I guess I had a turn at that already and didn't really appreciate it. Sort of like a Joni Mitchell song; don't it always seem to go you don't know what you've got till it's gone...
At least that's what my memory is telling me.
Now, Nick and I are home all day together. In get busy with LC calls and other appointments. I visit my sister. Stuff like that.
But I really don't feel like doing anything an awful lot of the time. I am content to sit and watch TV while I knit. Or I come here, on my computer and stare at the screen for hours and feel guilty about not doing anything.
I am a good, if not great cook. But I don't feel like it most of the time. The house can always use some cleaning up here and there. But it isn't urgent.
So, what?
I have already gotten our Christmas cards printed. I don't think I will include a letter this year and I will hope that not too many people are confused about who's who on the card.
I just printed the mailing labels and return address labels. We have holiday stamps. I guess I'll go start stuffing envelopes, and sticking labels onto them.
I am really hungry. I think I am cooking eggs. Not sure how I will cook them. Let's see where the spririt moves me.
And I want to wake up thin and beautiful. I guess I had a turn at that already and didn't really appreciate it. Sort of like a Joni Mitchell song; don't it always seem to go you don't know what you've got till it's gone...
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Too Much to Learn all in one week
This has been a crazy week for me and continuing education. Tuesday I went to a conference near Baltimore, on breastfeeding sponsored by the Maryland Coalition of Lactation Consultants. I learned so much there about both technique and tender ways to work with mothers and babies.
Today I went to a conference at Holy Cross Hospital in Silver Spring, MD. There I learned a lot about mothers and babies in the NICU and some of the harsh realities. I was amazed at how much the speakers do in their hospitals to make sure sick and premature babies get colostrum and breast milk. Their dedication and hard work are an inspiration.
I left the Tuesday conference feeling sunny and sweet and thinking of all the ways I can use my newly learned information to help breastfeeding go more smoothly for the dyads I work with.
Today I came out of the conference exhausted and, I am not sure what. Sad isn't the word. Just I guess serious. Most of what I do is help mothers learn to trust themselves and their babies. Sometimes it is challenging and sometimes I go away wishing that I had one more trick up my sleeve to solve the problem. But the sick and premature babies are not all about touch feely stuff. They are about staying well, getting better, not getting worse. They are often about life and death. I learned so much both days. I am happy with what I am doing and glad I don't have the great responsibility the NICU nurses have.
All of the sitting took it's toll on my hip. When I got home all I wanted to do was sit and knit to unwind. I couldn't sit on the sofa and find any kind of comfortable position. I lay on the floor. Tried stretches. Pain.
Finally I came upstairs and watched TV in bed, dozing off a bit. When I went back down, more pain. I guess I am going to have to find somewhere else to sit.
Tomorrow is our Christmas party! We expect over 25 people. I have to make stuffing and cook the turkey. I may bake a couple of pies. I am also making a bit, layered salad.
Nick has worked hard all week getting the tree up and the house decorated inside and out. It should be a really good time.
Now to bed and rest my aching sciatica!
**********************
It is the 32nd anniversary of the day John Lennon died. I remember where I was and what I was doing when I heard. So sad and senseless.
Today I went to a conference at Holy Cross Hospital in Silver Spring, MD. There I learned a lot about mothers and babies in the NICU and some of the harsh realities. I was amazed at how much the speakers do in their hospitals to make sure sick and premature babies get colostrum and breast milk. Their dedication and hard work are an inspiration.
I left the Tuesday conference feeling sunny and sweet and thinking of all the ways I can use my newly learned information to help breastfeeding go more smoothly for the dyads I work with.
Today I came out of the conference exhausted and, I am not sure what. Sad isn't the word. Just I guess serious. Most of what I do is help mothers learn to trust themselves and their babies. Sometimes it is challenging and sometimes I go away wishing that I had one more trick up my sleeve to solve the problem. But the sick and premature babies are not all about touch feely stuff. They are about staying well, getting better, not getting worse. They are often about life and death. I learned so much both days. I am happy with what I am doing and glad I don't have the great responsibility the NICU nurses have.
All of the sitting took it's toll on my hip. When I got home all I wanted to do was sit and knit to unwind. I couldn't sit on the sofa and find any kind of comfortable position. I lay on the floor. Tried stretches. Pain.
Finally I came upstairs and watched TV in bed, dozing off a bit. When I went back down, more pain. I guess I am going to have to find somewhere else to sit.
Tomorrow is our Christmas party! We expect over 25 people. I have to make stuffing and cook the turkey. I may bake a couple of pies. I am also making a bit, layered salad.
Nick has worked hard all week getting the tree up and the house decorated inside and out. It should be a really good time.
Now to bed and rest my aching sciatica!
**********************
It is the 32nd anniversary of the day John Lennon died. I remember where I was and what I was doing when I heard. So sad and senseless.
 |
Friday, December 7, 2012
It's December!
And so, here we are at the ending hours of Chance's 22 birthday celebration. Twenty two years since I held a newborn all my own. That long since I carried a baby in my womb. I had a baby every three years from 1978 to 1990. It was a major part of my life and my identity. Nursing all those babies was my occupation, my vocation, my calling. Gestating and lactating. The hardest and most wonderful things all tied together.
I am really happy that I am able to do as much as I do in order to help other women attain some peace and pleasure out of mothering their babies. It's what I do and who I am. It is in every cell of my body.
I am a mother and a mentor. In a way, because I am about the age of most of the mothers of the new moms I help, I feel that I am a mother figure for them.
Even before I had my children I felt a calling to be a mother. Who knew what was actually going to happen. I had no idea who's mother I would be. I got pretty lucky with my lot. They are all unique and wonderful and smart and amazing. When they were little I was often overwhelmed and tired and angry. I yelled and swatted more that I wish I had done. I am sorry. I have apologized to all five of them and for the most part I feel forgiven. I am not trying to make excuses, just recognizing that I wish I had been better at mothering- the thing I value most I think.
Five adults on this earth grew in my body and fed from my body and have grown strong and healthy and smart and independent. I love them with such depth there is no way to say it with any of the words I know.
Sometimes, often in fact, I think I am losing my ability to recall things. Especially people's names. But often, conversations too. I am not totally worried about it yet. I know that it can be slightly irritating to my kids. But I don't think it is just for not paying attention or not caring. I think that there are some real deficits.
My maternal grandmother didn't know who she or anyone else was for much of the last 20 years of her life. By the time any of my kids met her she could only speak gibberish. I wish they could have known her in the way I did.
My own mother had a sharp tongue and no filters, so she often hurt people's feelings without even knowing it. But, she never lost her ability to speak and understand. She could hear anything from anywhere in the house. The last few years she took anti anxiety medication which helped take the bite out of her bark and even made her stop barking so much. She was actually pleasant and fun to be with.
My dad had dementia. Of course, he was always strange, so I have to wonder how far gone he was before he was diagnosed.
I don't really mind that I cannot remember stuff. As long as I don't do anything dangerous- like get on the Beltway going the wrong way. I hope that my children and Nick will be patient with me and kind and understanding.
And now it is early December. It's Friday in the early AM. Saturday I am going to an all day conference that I have to leave for at 6:30AM!
Sunday we are having a Christmas party for about 25 guests. I am looking forward to it. I am maybe a little bit stressed, but in a good way. I love being around people and having good company.
And now, I must go to bed.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Tired Tuesday
Busy day I guess. I went to my weekly Starbucks Breastfeeding Cafe', and sat ,and talked with nursing moms. I do love to watch the babies getting bigger and the new ones join the group as the "older" ones leave when Mom goes back to work.
I made a home visit to help a mom with some breastfeeding issues. The baby was so perfect, and small. Less than 5lb at full term. Hard to believe that Chance was close to that size once upon a time. I spent two hours with this nursing couple. I love it when I can get the mom to laugh from the sheer surprise and joy at what her baby and her body can accomplish with the correct support and information. Being a new mom is so frightening, and so joyful and so complicated and so easy. It is a real gift that I can help, and a gift that these women allow me in to help them. They trust me and I do my best for them.
It's the end of November and there are Christmas decoration out already. Actually, they help brighten up the short days.
I need to send out an email about our holiday party. It's always the same information for the Yankee gift exchange, but I always send it so nobody gets confused or forgets. We are having the dinner/ party on December 9th this year. Just a week and a half away. Lots to do before then to get the house ready. It will get done.
Went to the gym yesterday. I can feel the muscles I used. I go again tomorrow. It makes me feel good and also a bit smug- though I am nowhere near the point of being asked to be a model for a sports clothing catalog! (never will be!)
Silly dog is barking at silly cat right now. Woof woof (dog) growl, meowl (cat).
It;s not even 8PM and I am in my pajamas! Thank goodness Nick cooked dinner. I am too pooped to pop!
I made a home visit to help a mom with some breastfeeding issues. The baby was so perfect, and small. Less than 5lb at full term. Hard to believe that Chance was close to that size once upon a time. I spent two hours with this nursing couple. I love it when I can get the mom to laugh from the sheer surprise and joy at what her baby and her body can accomplish with the correct support and information. Being a new mom is so frightening, and so joyful and so complicated and so easy. It is a real gift that I can help, and a gift that these women allow me in to help them. They trust me and I do my best for them.
It's the end of November and there are Christmas decoration out already. Actually, they help brighten up the short days.
I need to send out an email about our holiday party. It's always the same information for the Yankee gift exchange, but I always send it so nobody gets confused or forgets. We are having the dinner/ party on December 9th this year. Just a week and a half away. Lots to do before then to get the house ready. It will get done.
Went to the gym yesterday. I can feel the muscles I used. I go again tomorrow. It makes me feel good and also a bit smug- though I am nowhere near the point of being asked to be a model for a sports clothing catalog! (never will be!)
Silly dog is barking at silly cat right now. Woof woof (dog) growl, meowl (cat).
It;s not even 8PM and I am in my pajamas! Thank goodness Nick cooked dinner. I am too pooped to pop!
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Almost ready
So, here it is, Saturday. the day we are going to my mother in law's to celebrate Thanksgiving.
I got up at 6:00 this morning. Stuffed the turkey and now it is in the oven. Nick pealed 10lb of potatoes. They are cooked and mashed. Carrots are cooked.
Took the dog out several times. Good dog.
Watched local news for a while. Set the machine to record a show about quilting. I don't even know how to quilt, but I am fascinated by the idea of learning one day soon.
Going back to bed for a couple of hours. Maybe my pimples will be gone when I get up for the day!
Hope we remember to take the After Eight Mints!
I got up at 6:00 this morning. Stuffed the turkey and now it is in the oven. Nick pealed 10lb of potatoes. They are cooked and mashed. Carrots are cooked.
Took the dog out several times. Good dog.
Watched local news for a while. Set the machine to record a show about quilting. I don't even know how to quilt, but I am fascinated by the idea of learning one day soon.
Going back to bed for a couple of hours. Maybe my pimples will be gone when I get up for the day!
Hope we remember to take the After Eight Mints!
Friday, November 23, 2012
Thanksgiving, the holiday that keeps on giving
Yesterday didn't really feel like Thanksgiving. That's because we have not really done the turkey thing yet. We are going to celebrate with my mother in law and other family at my MIL's place. Tomorrow.
Meanwhile, three pies are baked- two pumpkin and one pecan pie. Bread for stuffing was made and cubed yesterday. Today I will make the stuffing. I also got the gravy done yesterday.
Now I have to figure out when I need to get up tomorrow morning in order to stuff and cook the turkey.
I am so tired today. The puppy slept with us last night, which was fine. But when I got up to go to the bathroom I thought it would be a good idea to take Buddy out too, which it was. Thing is, I never went back to bed- which I had planned to do. Oh well.
I am also sore from working out at the gym on Wednesday after a week away.
I wish I could nap easier. Sometimes I just sort of fall over on the sofa when I am watching TV and go to sleep. If I lie down and try to go to sleep, I usually don't.
And my sciatica hurts.
Fiddle dee dee!
Meanwhile, three pies are baked- two pumpkin and one pecan pie. Bread for stuffing was made and cubed yesterday. Today I will make the stuffing. I also got the gravy done yesterday.
Now I have to figure out when I need to get up tomorrow morning in order to stuff and cook the turkey.
I am so tired today. The puppy slept with us last night, which was fine. But when I got up to go to the bathroom I thought it would be a good idea to take Buddy out too, which it was. Thing is, I never went back to bed- which I had planned to do. Oh well.
I am also sore from working out at the gym on Wednesday after a week away.
I wish I could nap easier. Sometimes I just sort of fall over on the sofa when I am watching TV and go to sleep. If I lie down and try to go to sleep, I usually don't.
And my sciatica hurts.
Fiddle dee dee!
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Let us Give Thanks
Let Us Give Thanks - Max Coots
Let us give thanks for a bounty of people:
for children who are our second planting, and, though they
grow like weeds and the wind too soon blows them away, may they forgive us our
cultivation and fondly remember where their roots are.
Let us give thanks:
for generous friends … with hearts .. smiles as bright as their blossoms;
for feisty friends as tart as apples
for continuous friends, who, like scallions and cucumbers,
keep reminding us that we've had them;
for crotchety friends, as sour as rhubarb and as
indestructible;
for handsome friends, who are as gorgeous as eggplants and
as elegant as a row of corn,
and the others, as plain as potatoes and as good for you;
for funny friends,
who are as silly as Brussels sprouts and as amusing as Jerusalem artichokes,
and serious friends, as complex as cauliflowers and as intricate as onions;
for friends as unpretentious as cabbages, as subtle as
summer squash, as persistent as parsley, as delightful as dill, as endless as
zucchini, and, who, like parsnips, can be counted on to see you through the
winter;
for old friends, nodding like sunflowers in the
evening-time, and young friends coming on as fast as radishes;
for loving friends, who wind around us like tendrils and hold
us, despite our blights, wilts and witherings;
and, finally, for those friends now gone, like gardens past
that have been harvested and who fed us in their times that we might have life
thereafter;
for all these we give thanks.
Dr. Phil made me cry
I was watching Dr Phil this afternoon and talking to the TV as he tried to straighten a fighting family out.
He said that he has buried both of his parents and that Robin (his wife) has buried both of her parents too.
It just pounced out at me-I have buried both of my parents too. The tears just bounced out of my eyes. I felt so sad that I don't have them in my life any more.
Thanksgiving is so much about being together with family. We will be together; Nick and I and some of our kids and Nick's mom and sister and so on. And I am happy that we have them. I just miss what I don't have any more.
There are more pictures of us all together. Just not loaded on my computer. My family of origin. All gone but my sister and I. I am the youngest. the baby with the perfectly round head!
He said that he has buried both of his parents and that Robin (his wife) has buried both of her parents too.
It just pounced out at me-I have buried both of my parents too. The tears just bounced out of my eyes. I felt so sad that I don't have them in my life any more.
Thanksgiving is so much about being together with family. We will be together; Nick and I and some of our kids and Nick's mom and sister and so on. And I am happy that we have them. I just miss what I don't have any more.
 | ||||
| Of the four people in this picture, I am the only one still alive. |
There are more pictures of us all together. Just not loaded on my computer. My family of origin. All gone but my sister and I. I am the youngest. the baby with the perfectly round head!
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
It's getting to be that tme of year again!
Thanksgiving is almost here. Just two more days in fact. But we are celebrating on Saturday like we did last year. We will prepare most of the meal here in our kitchen and my sister in law will prepare the rest in her kitchen. Then we all meet at my mother in law's apartment to feast together. Much easier to take a meal to a 95 year old than to bring her to the meal.
And so, I have started to write lists. Yes, I am one of those people who likes to write lists. And then I get to check things off as I get them done.
Here's what I have written so far:
Tuesday (today)
Lactation Consultation at 11:00am
Breastfeeding Cafe' at Starbucks 1:00-3:00
Wednesday:
Gym 12:30
Nails done 4:00
Thursday:
Make gravy
Make bread for stuffing
Friday:
Make pies (2 pumpkin and one pecan)
Make stuffing
Saturday:
Get up early and stuff the turkey and put it in the oven
Peal potatoes
Leave for Alexandria by 11:30
Somewhere in there I hope to get to Weight Watchers too.
In the meantime, I bought a photo calendar package from Amazon- five calendars for a very good price. I spent over an hour thinking I was loading pictures onto the page so I could make my calendars. When I went to place them in the right places on the calendar, they were not there. So, now I have to load the picture again and start over. Oh well, not the end of the world, just one more thing.
And then there's Christmas! Yikes! We are hosting a Christmas party. Deep breath. I will get through this. I love this. Oh yeah!
This is the kind of stuff that makes it so hard for me to shut off my brain and sleep at night.
I have sewing and knitting projects I want to work on and have not written them into any schedule. Many of those things can be done while I sit and watch TV in the evening. But I have to figure out what it is I am going to work on and have the supplies at hand.
It's after midnight. I am going to do a little more work on my calendars and then, off to bed so I can wake up in the morning and start another happy day!
And so, I have started to write lists. Yes, I am one of those people who likes to write lists. And then I get to check things off as I get them done.
Here's what I have written so far:
Tuesday (today)
Lactation Consultation at 11:00am
Breastfeeding Cafe' at Starbucks 1:00-3:00
Wednesday:
Gym 12:30
Nails done 4:00
Thursday:
Make gravy
Make bread for stuffing
Friday:
Make pies (2 pumpkin and one pecan)
Make stuffing
Saturday:
Get up early and stuff the turkey and put it in the oven
Peal potatoes
Leave for Alexandria by 11:30
Somewhere in there I hope to get to Weight Watchers too.
In the meantime, I bought a photo calendar package from Amazon- five calendars for a very good price. I spent over an hour thinking I was loading pictures onto the page so I could make my calendars. When I went to place them in the right places on the calendar, they were not there. So, now I have to load the picture again and start over. Oh well, not the end of the world, just one more thing.
And then there's Christmas! Yikes! We are hosting a Christmas party. Deep breath. I will get through this. I love this. Oh yeah!
This is the kind of stuff that makes it so hard for me to shut off my brain and sleep at night.
I have sewing and knitting projects I want to work on and have not written them into any schedule. Many of those things can be done while I sit and watch TV in the evening. But I have to figure out what it is I am going to work on and have the supplies at hand.
It's after midnight. I am going to do a little more work on my calendars and then, off to bed so I can wake up in the morning and start another happy day!
Friday, November 16, 2012
Do you believe in ghosts? I do.
Ok, now, if you know me and you are reading this you have just decided that I have lost it completely. I have believed in ghosts for a very long time. I'm not sure how long really.
First off, let's define "ghost". Most definitions say that a ghost is an apparition, or an illusion. An irrational belief in something that is not there. A spirit of a dead person that can be seen.
So, I may not believe in that kind of ghost. My ghosts do have the spirit of people who have been at a place before. The fact that their hand has touched something that your hand is touching for instance.
When I traveled to Norway in 1997, I stayed at the Kjorrefjord in Norway at the farm where my grandfather was born, grew up and ultimately, returned to and died. I walked through the hills and climbed the trees, trying to imagine him there doing the same. He died before I was born. He died before any of his grandchildren were born. He left Oregon and went home to Norway in 1939.
I digress. My definition, or feeling of what a ghost is, is this; it is the presence of someone who was there and is not there any more. It is feeling the presence of that life. Not in a spiritual/ religious was, but in the way a mother knows her baby is about to cry. It is a connection of sme sort that I have really not found words for yet.
Today I visited the Mariners Museum in Newport News, Virginia. As I looked at the exhibits of old ships and boats and read about them, I could imagine the people who had the experiences I was reading about. I know that when someone is gone- dead, they are gone. But, no matter how long they have been gone, or how long they lived, they did exist and left themselves on earth. Some way, somehow. They may have left a finger print or other physical evidence of their life. They may have left children. They may have left property. They may have left nothing but their bones or their ashes. But they were here. Occupying the same space we occupy.
And, in my own way, I met lots of ghosts today.
My biggest surprise was meeting a ghost that was a part of my personal life history. While looking at some large scale models of ships, I came across a model of the SS America. We crossed the Atlantic Ocean on our way home from Afghanistan, in 1961. I was only 7 years old, so not old enough to do a lot of exploring on the ship, but old enough to remember it.
Somewhere I think I have the menus and pictures of my parents and my brother, sister and myself aboard the ship. It was the last overseas tour my dad had. We went first class and I know that my mother loved it. The crossing has become a part of family lore. Except, most of the family that I was a part of back then is gone. Both of my parents and my brother have died. Only my sister and I are left to reminisce about the "good old days".
And so I live with my ghosts. The week of my life spent aboard the SS America has lasted in my memory for over 50 years. What a glorious time. What a glorious ship. I took pictures to show my sister when I get back home.
I looked at pictures of the ship as a wreck being dashed by the ocean. I am shocked and sad. My dream ship is dead too. But it lives on as a ghost for me to cherish.
First off, let's define "ghost". Most definitions say that a ghost is an apparition, or an illusion. An irrational belief in something that is not there. A spirit of a dead person that can be seen.
So, I may not believe in that kind of ghost. My ghosts do have the spirit of people who have been at a place before. The fact that their hand has touched something that your hand is touching for instance.
When I traveled to Norway in 1997, I stayed at the Kjorrefjord in Norway at the farm where my grandfather was born, grew up and ultimately, returned to and died. I walked through the hills and climbed the trees, trying to imagine him there doing the same. He died before I was born. He died before any of his grandchildren were born. He left Oregon and went home to Norway in 1939.
I digress. My definition, or feeling of what a ghost is, is this; it is the presence of someone who was there and is not there any more. It is feeling the presence of that life. Not in a spiritual/ religious was, but in the way a mother knows her baby is about to cry. It is a connection of sme sort that I have really not found words for yet.
Today I visited the Mariners Museum in Newport News, Virginia. As I looked at the exhibits of old ships and boats and read about them, I could imagine the people who had the experiences I was reading about. I know that when someone is gone- dead, they are gone. But, no matter how long they have been gone, or how long they lived, they did exist and left themselves on earth. Some way, somehow. They may have left a finger print or other physical evidence of their life. They may have left children. They may have left property. They may have left nothing but their bones or their ashes. But they were here. Occupying the same space we occupy.
And, in my own way, I met lots of ghosts today.
My biggest surprise was meeting a ghost that was a part of my personal life history. While looking at some large scale models of ships, I came across a model of the SS America. We crossed the Atlantic Ocean on our way home from Afghanistan, in 1961. I was only 7 years old, so not old enough to do a lot of exploring on the ship, but old enough to remember it.
Somewhere I think I have the menus and pictures of my parents and my brother, sister and myself aboard the ship. It was the last overseas tour my dad had. We went first class and I know that my mother loved it. The crossing has become a part of family lore. Except, most of the family that I was a part of back then is gone. Both of my parents and my brother have died. Only my sister and I are left to reminisce about the "good old days".
And so I live with my ghosts. The week of my life spent aboard the SS America has lasted in my memory for over 50 years. What a glorious time. What a glorious ship. I took pictures to show my sister when I get back home.
I looked at pictures of the ship as a wreck being dashed by the ocean. I am shocked and sad. My dream ship is dead too. But it lives on as a ghost for me to cherish.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Singer Featherweight Sewing Machines, Oh My!
Still in Williamsburg and we decided to go to a little shopping center, not in the historic part of town. First we went to Knitting Sisters Yarn Shop which was a great shop!
Next we went to Love 2 Quilt. It is mainly a quilting fabric and supply store. But egads, what did I see when I walked in the door? Sewing machines. Lots of them. Featherweight sewing machines. Like the one I inherited from my mother. The one my sister and I both learned to sew on. The one I still use. the best little sewing machine there is- for straight, even stitches with great tension.
Ok, here's what got me so psyched! And, no, I did not buy one.
Next we went to Love 2 Quilt. It is mainly a quilting fabric and supply store. But egads, what did I see when I walked in the door? Sewing machines. Lots of them. Featherweight sewing machines. Like the one I inherited from my mother. The one my sister and I both learned to sew on. The one I still use. the best little sewing machine there is- for straight, even stitches with great tension.
Ok, here's what got me so psyched! And, no, I did not buy one.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Cultural Perspective?
There was one exhibit at the museum that I saw yesterday that I think showed a certain bias to the way things are done today.
The exhibit was about things women used, and about baby toys. It said "In the 17th century, baby bottles were not available. Women were either nursing or pregnant for most of their childbearing years". I didn't even think much about it until later in the day. Then is struck me- ok, so? Wasn't/ isn't that the biological norm? Hasn't the human race, indeed all mammals existence depended upon the availability of species specific milk to survive?
I do know that *I* would not have even thought to make mention of the lack of baby bottles in a previous era as a deficit in women's lives, tying them down by being nursing mothers. Indeed, bottles tie mother's down to a much greater degree!
Stepping down from my soap box now.
The exhibit was about things women used, and about baby toys. It said "In the 17th century, baby bottles were not available. Women were either nursing or pregnant for most of their childbearing years". I didn't even think much about it until later in the day. Then is struck me- ok, so? Wasn't/ isn't that the biological norm? Hasn't the human race, indeed all mammals existence depended upon the availability of species specific milk to survive?
I do know that *I* would not have even thought to make mention of the lack of baby bottles in a previous era as a deficit in women's lives, tying them down by being nursing mothers. Indeed, bottles tie mother's down to a much greater degree!
Stepping down from my soap box now.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Cold, Rainy Day
What do you do on a cold and rainy day in Williamsburg, Virginia? Spent the day in a museum, that's what.
This morning we all piled into the car and drove to the Abby Aldrich Rockefeller Museum in Williamsburg.
The first thing we all did was listen to a presentation on colonial music. The man who did the presentation played several different instruments and also sang. He explained the music and instruments. The presentation was an hour long, but the time just flew!
After hearing the music, we went on a couple of tours and also wandered the museum on our own. My absolute favorite exhibition was that of the Baltimore Quilts. They are so overwhelmingly intricate and beautiful that I didn't even attempt to photograph them. I stood as close as I could without hitting the glass that separated me from the quilts so I could see all of the tiny, perfect stitches- all done by hand, of course. I found a few tiny flaws, and I thought about the stitcher. How she probably also knew about her little mistake, but hoped nobody else wold notice it.
We saw some folk art and amazing paintings by people I had never heard of before, including Steve Harley, who is believed to have only painted three pictures. They are all there and are amazing in their color and feeling.
Roosters also seem to figure into folk art prominently, so I took some pictures for my sister, who has a thing for chickens and roosters!
This morning we all piled into the car and drove to the Abby Aldrich Rockefeller Museum in Williamsburg.
The first thing we all did was listen to a presentation on colonial music. The man who did the presentation played several different instruments and also sang. He explained the music and instruments. The presentation was an hour long, but the time just flew!
After hearing the music, we went on a couple of tours and also wandered the museum on our own. My absolute favorite exhibition was that of the Baltimore Quilts. They are so overwhelmingly intricate and beautiful that I didn't even attempt to photograph them. I stood as close as I could without hitting the glass that separated me from the quilts so I could see all of the tiny, perfect stitches- all done by hand, of course. I found a few tiny flaws, and I thought about the stitcher. How she probably also knew about her little mistake, but hoped nobody else wold notice it.
We saw some folk art and amazing paintings by people I had never heard of before, including Steve Harley, who is believed to have only painted three pictures. They are all there and are amazing in their color and feeling.
Roosters also seem to figure into folk art prominently, so I took some pictures for my sister, who has a thing for chickens and roosters!
Monday, November 12, 2012
I have about walked my feet off!
Today in Williamsburg, we had wonderful weather for the second day in a row. We went to the historical district and saw several presentations done by reenactors that were just wonderful.
This morning we went to hear Alexander Purdie speak about being a patriot printer. He talked about his experiences as a new paper publisher and he also took questions from the audience that he answered very well, staying in character the whole time.
Next we went to the blacksmith shop, which has only been open for a few months. Man, what a lot of work was involved in making such essential things, such as house nails! Hard work that I am glad I never had to do.
After lunch in the DeWitt Wallace Museum, we went to hear Martha Washington speak about being the first lady and her thoughts about what her role as such might be.
We went to see a General Lafayette speak about his hopes for the new nation of the United States of America (he rode in on a white stallion and then left on the same horse)
Gowan Pamphlet, a free slave discussed his vision for the black Baptist church where he is a pastor.
To top it all off, we saw Martha Washington again, this time in front of the Raleigh Tavern.
Needless to say, our feet and backs were worn out by the end of the day.
Back to our apartments where I made gluten free lasagna and the others made salad.
Tomorrow the weather is supposed to be cooler with the possibility of rain. I am sure we will keep busy even so!
This morning we went to hear Alexander Purdie speak about being a patriot printer. He talked about his experiences as a new paper publisher and he also took questions from the audience that he answered very well, staying in character the whole time.
Next we went to the blacksmith shop, which has only been open for a few months. Man, what a lot of work was involved in making such essential things, such as house nails! Hard work that I am glad I never had to do.
After lunch in the DeWitt Wallace Museum, we went to hear Martha Washington speak about being the first lady and her thoughts about what her role as such might be.
We went to see a General Lafayette speak about his hopes for the new nation of the United States of America (he rode in on a white stallion and then left on the same horse)
Gowan Pamphlet, a free slave discussed his vision for the black Baptist church where he is a pastor.
To top it all off, we saw Martha Washington again, this time in front of the Raleigh Tavern.
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| Add caption |
Needless to say, our feet and backs were worn out by the end of the day.
Back to our apartments where I made gluten free lasagna and the others made salad.
Tomorrow the weather is supposed to be cooler with the possibility of rain. I am sure we will keep busy even so!
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Beautiful Weather in Williamsburg!
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| Colonial Marching Band |
We went to some reenactments and ate lunch in Chowning's Tavern, in Colonial Williamsburg and we all chose to eat Brunswick stew, which was delicious!
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| Brunswick Stew |
Home consists of two apartments that are rather hard to explain. Sue and Mary Lou have an apartment downstairs, and Florence and I have an identical apartment right above theirs. The apartments have a living room, dining room, kitchen and two bedrooms each with it's own bathroom. Florence had the bigger room in our apt, and her room has a washer and dryer in it.
Ok, so between the four of us, we have, so far, four bedrooms, four bathrooms, two living rooms and dining rooms and two kitchens. Now, there's more, Picture an adjoining room- like in a hotel. Each apartment has an adjoining apartment. The adjoining apartment had one bedroom, one bathroom with a washer and dryer, a living room/ dining room and a small kitchen.
So, between the four of us we really have six bedrooms, six bathrooms, four kitchens etc. Pretty crazy! Oh well, we are "The Crazy Ladies"!
This is Veterans Day weekend, so there was a special Military March honoring American veterans. The Colonial marching band (I guess that's what you call is) had a parade and were followed by veterans who were here today. On the parade grounds, all veterans were invited to join them on the grounds. It was quite a moving event.
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| Colonial Williamsburg Courthouse |
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| Veterans Joining the Parade |
Saturday, November 10, 2012
WIlliamsburg!
One of the women in my Women's Group has a time share in Williamsburg. I am headed out in a few minutes to spend a week with my wonderful women friends!
Taking along my sister's laptop in the hopes that I will take the time to write here.
Looking forward to having time to relax and not worry about the daily things I usually allow myself to worry about.
Taking along my sister's laptop in the hopes that I will take the time to write here.
Looking forward to having time to relax and not worry about the daily things I usually allow myself to worry about.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
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