I had laughing gas at the dentist recently
The real name is Nitrous oxide. The reason I am writing about it is that I had dental work done a week and a half ago and I opted to have laughing gas. It helps me relax.
I was in the dentist's chair for about three hours- a lot longer than expected. I was not the most pleasant experience, but for the most part it was bearable.
While I was in the chair, under the influence, I was in a bit of a fantasy / dream state . I thought about the kids. All five of them. And I thought about what gifts I received from each of them. Something I have never pondered before.
I want to tell each of them what their gift was.
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From Courtney I received fear and wonder. She is the one who made me a mother!
She was sick right after she was born and I was not able to hold her for the first three years of her life. My milk came in really fast after she was born, so I was able to feed her my breast milk. The pump was a glass cylinder with a red rubber bulb on the end. It looked a whole lot like a bicycle horn like this:
The first time I held Courtney she was three days old. The nurse handed her to me and Courtney just stared at me. It felt like she was saying "well, where have you been?" And she looked so much like Nick I was amazed. I honestly felt like there were rainbows and fireworks I felt so deeply in love.
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Morgan was soft and sweet and made sweet humming sounds. I held him and sniffed his head with that heavenly newborn baby scent. When he was born the doctor said "this baby is so healthy he's boring" Morgan, as a newborn, gave me peace. He was so beautiful. In spite of how his hospital picture looks.
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Darcy is next. Baby number 3. Born north of the Arctic Circle, in Tromsø, Norway. I think I got to hold him and nurse him earlier after his birth than the others.. He taught me that I didn't know as much about parenting as I had thought. Sweet. Smiling all the time. And mischievous. A climber. Every day when Nick came home from work he would ask "what has Darcy done this time?" Darcy was always up to something.. But as a newborn he was just sweet. Snugly.
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Austin- my biggest and best birth. It's funny, the kids and I came home from Norway ahead of Nick so we could visit various of my relatives. Then Nick got home and bada bing I was pregnant with Austin. Whenever I was asked how far along I was I would say, well, let's see, when did Nick get home....
Austin was the absolute easiest baby. he would nurse and sleep. My friends all said that if he was my first baby hey would be worried about the long stretches of sleep. But he grew and gained great, so I didn't worry at all.
Austin was my only natural, medicated, vaginal birth. I used so much emotional and physical strength to give birth to him. Austin taught be that I am strong and capable.
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Chance. My preemie. That's how I will think of him all of my life. He's 35 years old right now but I still feel the vulnerability I felt when he was first born.
Chance was born in Hong Kong in December 1990 at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital. I was the only mother there breastfeeding. And I was instant that he only get my breast milk. Being my fifth baby I thought that I could take great care and have him grow and get strong and health. And I did know and I do know that a mother's own milk is best for a preemie.
I ended up going back to the States with Austin and Chance, when Chance was 3 months old so I could get him the care I knew he needed. Austin and Chance and I made the long trip from China to Virginia leaving Nick and Courtney and Morgan behind in Guangzhou.
I learned from Chance that I don't know everything about breastfeeding. He taught me to understand the feelings of vulnerability and failure a new mother can feel.
What I learned from Chance is what prompted me to become an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant. I helped many many mother and baby couples using what I learned in my mothering of Chance.
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