Here I am. Not much new

I have been feeling so blah lately.    I guess it is  depression and lack of desire to do much of anything.  I have all sorts of things I want to do.  But I don't.  Once I get started on something- anything- I get going.  It's just starting that I am finding so hard.

I sit and I knit.   I watch TV.  I "do" Facebook.   I want to walk and exercise but it hurts too much.

I am annoyed with myself that I am above the weight I need to be to get my second knee replacement.  I am working on it.  Really I am.

And I think about the kids-my kids- all the time.  I miss them.  I day dream about buying houses in various places near where they are.  One in Portland, near Courtney's house.  One in Maine near Austin's house.  I have not seen Morgan & Kim's new to them house, so I don't have a fantasy of houses there.  And, living here, in Aldie, I feel like Darcy & Jody, and Chance, can come visit here any time.

Going through a box this afternoon I found old pictures that Nick's dad took.  Many of them are contact prints so they are pretty hard to identify.  And, there are no labels or notes saying what they are, where they are and when they were taken.    And it brings me to that feeling of regret that Nick and I left so many things unsaid and unknown.  There are questions we want to ask, but can't.   Information and memories that will never be known or shared.   It's times like that when I really miss people.  My mom and dad, Nick's parents.  All of the grandparents.  All of those who were there before and we never knew.

And then, out of the blue, Austin sent me this wonderful picture of himself with a pumpkin that he grew.   And I feel good.