Generations

Today, after a visit to the doctor, I sat waiting for my car.   Valet parking.

There were people coming and going. Most of the people there had someone along.  Parents were bringing their children to the doctor and then taking them home.

But, more than young parents and children, there were older folks.  The gray haired parents in wheelchairs or using canes and walkers while their children took care of their parents.

There was one woman in a wheelchair whos daughter was bending down saying "yes Mom they are bringing the car".   "Mom" had gray hair.  She looked old (older than me), in her 80s I would guess.  She looked so fragile and a little bit confused.   The daughter was probably in her 40s, wearing jeans.   Daughter looked more competent and capable then Mom. 

I was witnessing that "flip", when the parent becomes the one who needs help and the adult child offers it.  It made me think of my own mother.  I remember pusing her in her wheelchair when we went shopping or to doctors visits.  And, even though my own mother was vulnerable and had some sort of mothering power over me, she was dependant and helpless.

I identified myself as the old lady in the wheelchair and her daughter as one of my children.  I mainly see it as my daughter, but who knows.

It is strange to feel like I am looking into the future.  I cannot identify with the 80 something gray haired "old" ladies.  And yet, here I am almost 65 and definitely gray haired.  Walking with a cane much of the time.

None of it really makes sense to me.  Life surprises me.  Aging surprises me.   And yet, here I am.

In my mind I am still the energetic woman in my  30s, 40s and on.  I imagine myself being full of energy again once I have my knee surgery, and recover.  And, losing eight will help.

But, I will never actually be young again.