not sure what to call this blog post

It's "that" time of the year.  Two days after Thanksgiving and all the Christmas specials are on TV.  The radio is playing Christmas songs.  We are (sort of) planning our Christmas party.

Thanksgiving was small, but very nice.  My sister and her son and the two "cousin dogs"were together to celebrate the day.

Nancy and Tommy Thanksgiving 2018

Buddy and Daisy, cousin dogs

We made gluten free stuffing for Carol and myself.   I made vegetarian stuffing for Austin, who came later in the evening.

Thanksgiving turkey cooked with bacon

And now I am in a soft of a funk.    Lots of reasons and no reason.   Shorter days bring about the seasonal affected disorder.   I probably need a full spectrum light to help me get out of the funk.

I am also feeling "old".  I am not sure what exactly I mean.   I am physically unable to do the things I think I should be able to do.  I have tried bringing boxes in from the garage and putting them into the basement.  I did one and that was all I could do.

I am going to Weight Watchers an am losing weight.  I know that will help.  With a lighter body I will be able to move easier and do more.  My knees won't hurt so much. 

What I said today at Weight Watchers was that I want to live to be old, I just don't want to feel old.  I guess that's where I am.

This afternoon I am going to a "Day after the Day after Thanksgiving".   The host is a mom I helped with breastfeeding maybe 9 years ago.   I look forward to going.  There should be a lot of kids there!

I kind of miss kids.   As adults we spend a lot of time reminiscing about our childhood.  But when you look back, childhood is such a short period of time.  For a parent, it is like a flash of light. 

All of the mess and noise and fights and crayon marks on the wall.  Parenting children is all consuming.  Then it's not.  And they grow up and move away.  They are independent.  That's what we want.  Strong, capable adults that we raised to be good people.  And they are good people.   But they don't really belong to us like they once did.

So I miss my babies and my rambunctious kids and teens and young adults.  I suspect they miss us from time to time, but mostly they have their own lives.

We were the same.  And then, our parents were gone.  All of them.  Mine and Nick's.  And now that we don't have them any more, we miss them more that we imagined we could.

For all of thee feelings, the good, bad, sad, angry, hurt, I do feel privileged to be a part of it all.

I think of Kurt Vonnegut's poem:

“God made mud.
God got lonesome.
So God said to some of that mud, "Sit up!"
"See all I've made", said God, "the hills, the sea, the sky, the stars."
And I was some of the mud that got to sit up and look around.
Lucky me, lucky mud.”

― Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle