Here we go again

Now it's my thyroid that is going to have it's own special day in the operating room.   April 6th to be exact.

Yes, today, my sister, husband and I went for a follow up with the surgeon I saw a few weeks ago.   The good news is, the goiter has not grown all the way down to my aorta.   The rest of the story is that it has grown under my collar bone.   Good news, no opening my chest, bad news, lots more tissue to remove than if it were smaller.

I am totally exhausted right now.  Taking it all in.  Knowing that I have to do this in order to survive.   Swallowing is becoming hazardous.   I choke very easily.  Once while driving I started to choke and couldn't get a breath.  I was ready to put on my flashers and get out of the car and hope someone would help me.   With a great deal of effort I was able to cough and then breath.

I know that it's nothing I have done, or not done that has caused this.  It just is.    I feel so very let down by all of the doctors who have not taken me seriously when I have expressed concern about the "lump in my neck".    I was diagnosed with this goddam thing in 1995.   I plan to make a list of every doctor I have been to about my thyroid and send each of them a letter.

One doctor told me all of my problems were because I was breastfeeding at the time.   Another doctor, who was great for quite a few years, finally fired me for gaining weight.   One doctor prescribed so many things and doses and vitamins, and spoke so fast I couldn't understand what he was saying.   (turns out he is making over $200,00.00 in kick-backs from the drug companies).  And the recent one who stood on one leg and then the other, perched like a flamingo.  All that was missing were the pink feathers.

Because my thyroid is so large and obstructive, I have to be awake when I am intubated for surgery.  Then I will be knocked out.  This fucking goiter almost killed me when I had my brain surgery.  I was very difficult to intubate.  I had to keep the breathing tube in for 2 days after that surgery.

Life keeps coming at my like a flying, burning meteor and I don't know where to duck, or even if there's time.    All I keep thinking is "what's next".  What? I am ready to take a vacation from my health issues.

I am so ready to be healthy and whole and done with this shit forever.  or at least for a while.