Slowing down?

I feel like I am in a temporary slump with my blog.  Not that it should matter.  I write for myself, but I think a few people read what I write.  For that reason, I self censor.  I don't hang out all my "dirty laundry" as the saying goes.  Which makes no sense at all.  The whole point of hanging out your laundry is to get the clean stuff to get dry.  Well, maybe it makes sense somehow.

Holidays are upon us.  This is a challenging time of year.  There are so many feelings of hope and expectation and also sadness and disappointments.

When the kids were little, and before kids, our best Christmases were the ones overseas.  We would miss our families and wish that we were all together.  But we didn't have to worry about the logistics of who to see when and running from this house to that. It was relaxing to be in our little cocoon of our family and home away from home.  Especially before any of the kids were on their own, we loved getting gifts for everyone and opening them together.

I was thinking that this was the first Christmas when we didn't see all five kids.  But looking at pictures, I guess there have been others where we didn't all see one another- at least not on the day.

A big part of me wishes that I had the money to buy tickets for all five kids and their spouses home to Reston for Christmas.  Then the other day I realized that while they are "kids" to me, they are all, every one of them. adults.  They have their own lives and friends and in some cases their own places that they call home.   I hope that they think back with fond memories of opening the presents that Santa left under the tree.  I hope that they are building their own traditions.

When the kids were little, I was "Mom".  A grown up.   Taller than any of them.  And I knew things they didn't-like how to drive and cook.  Now, I am still the mother of the tribe, but I am not omnipotent.  They don't "need" me.  Not the way little ones do.  They are adults, I am a adult.  I have to remind myself that while I am the mother, I am "not the boss of them" as they used to like to say.  Now, they are right.

Life is so strange.  The constant transitions from infant to toddler to little kid.  Always working so hard to get to the next phase.  I picture a see saw.  Mom and Dad on one end and kiddies up in the air on the other end.  Trying to get down, trying to succeed their parents.  In time, Mom and Dad get higher and almost even with the kids, then the kids start to get down to where they want to be and the parents are the ones needing help.

And that's all I got for tonight.