The weather has been nuts this winter. Warm, hot, cold, ice, snow. You name it we've had it. The meteorologists are calling it a roller coaster of weather
This week, we had ice on the roads. Some counties closed schools. The Federal Government opened a couple of hours early. It sleeted frozen rain. Then Tuesday it was sunny and bright and in the 60s. Yesterday, Wednesday, it was in the 70s, but overcast all day and there was torrential rain in the afternoon and evening. Today it was windy and in the 40s. And there are predictions of snow overnight tonight.
Yesterday I had a terrible headache much of the day. I was in total bitch mode, ready to bite of anyone's head that got too close. I took Buddy (the puppy) to his doggy class last night and I was about ready to strangle him for chewing up his harness. I was so mad and grumpy I didn't even want to be with myself, much less with a bunch of other puppy parents. I did get over it, but wow! I am glad I got through it without saying/ texting some of the things I was thinking!
This morning I woke up with a splitting headache. I felt like I might throw up. I had a meeting I had to go to, but was tempted to skip it because I felt to crummy. Once I had some coffee and food I felt a lot better. But now I am feeling the headache coming on again. I almost never get a headache.
This afternoon I went outside with Buddy and felt the weather changing. The wind was noisy, almost as if a plane was going over even when I knew one wasn't.
One of "my moms" called me. She was having a rough evening. Her 12 -week- old baby was crying for no reason she could figure out, ad her 2 year old was starting to get on the mom's last nerve as well. We talked about barometric pressure and how it can really make babies fuss. I think that our talk helped her understand, though I know that it's also true that mothers often need to talk to someone who will affirm their feelings and help them get through the rough patches.
In Norway, there were lots of nights I recall walking back and forth in the night, pacing with Darcy when he was very young. I am sure it was the barometric pressure. He was a sweet, easygoing baby, but there were those times when he just needed to be held up against my shoulder and walked. A lot of the time I would push the sofa and love seat in the living room together and make a big bed that Darcy and I would fall asleep on.
Anyway, today I have not snapped at anyone. I am feeling more mellow, thank goodness.
Going to watch TV and knit now.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
What's on TV?
Nick and I spend a lot of time watching TV. We always have- even before we got married. I think it's kind of nice. We enjoy many of the same shows and types of shows. There are some that I have no interest in at all. And some of the shows I watch don't interest Nick. But for our main evening viewing pleasure, we tend towards British dramas and murder mysteries. I think that when we were living in Australia, we got pretty good at understanding the accents. Now, we have to put on the closed captions. Some of the slang is hard to understand, and for some reason, mysteries seem to favor mumbling- British and American.
My Grandma Thompsen had a black and white TV for years. When she got her first color TV, she called my uncle to say that the TV was broken. She had watched Lawrence Welk one week and the band was wearing blue jackets. The following week, when they wore red jackets, she was sure that TV was messed up! (she was Norwegian)
It's funny, when we lived in Norway, we used to watch English language shows with Norwegian subtitles. Or any other foreign shows. We would watch French shows, for example, with Norwegian subtitles. But the Norwegian kid's shows were in Norwegian and we enjoyed them just fine.
When my mom came to Tromso, she would watch TV with us, and while she didn't understand the language, she could tell that the show was funny. She said she understood my father better when she saw Norwegian humor. I remember her saying "they are all like that. I thought it was just your dad"!
In Bangkok, we rented a TV and there were only a few shows we watched. They included The Time Tunnel, and Wonder Woman. The English broadcast was on an FM radio station. If the show happened to be on at the time that the radio station wanted to do the news, we had to listen to Wonder Woman speaking in dubbed Thai. Pretty funny!
One funny thing I remember in Australia was Law and Order. The Aussie way of saying it sounded to me like "Lore and Owdah".
Languages are funny. The colloquialisms so often cannot be translated, but, once you know them, they make sense and help with expressing an idea or concept that cannot be expressed in English. Problem with this is, Nick is the only one who knows what I mean!
Ok, it's getting late. I have to go see what we are watching tonight.
My Grandma Thompsen had a black and white TV for years. When she got her first color TV, she called my uncle to say that the TV was broken. She had watched Lawrence Welk one week and the band was wearing blue jackets. The following week, when they wore red jackets, she was sure that TV was messed up! (she was Norwegian)
 | |
| This is my Grandma Thompsen's sewing machine- minus the cabinet |
It's funny, when we lived in Norway, we used to watch English language shows with Norwegian subtitles. Or any other foreign shows. We would watch French shows, for example, with Norwegian subtitles. But the Norwegian kid's shows were in Norwegian and we enjoyed them just fine.
When my mom came to Tromso, she would watch TV with us, and while she didn't understand the language, she could tell that the show was funny. She said she understood my father better when she saw Norwegian humor. I remember her saying "they are all like that. I thought it was just your dad"!
In Bangkok, we rented a TV and there were only a few shows we watched. They included The Time Tunnel, and Wonder Woman. The English broadcast was on an FM radio station. If the show happened to be on at the time that the radio station wanted to do the news, we had to listen to Wonder Woman speaking in dubbed Thai. Pretty funny!
One funny thing I remember in Australia was Law and Order. The Aussie way of saying it sounded to me like "Lore and Owdah".
Languages are funny. The colloquialisms so often cannot be translated, but, once you know them, they make sense and help with expressing an idea or concept that cannot be expressed in English. Problem with this is, Nick is the only one who knows what I mean!
Ok, it's getting late. I have to go see what we are watching tonight.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Random Rambling
 |
| Pooh, the regal cat (1/20/13) |
Tuesday we took Pooh to the vet. He had broken off one of his bottom canine teeth. If it had just come all the way out, I would not have been overly concerned. But the tooth broke off leaving exposed nerves and jagged edges.
When the vet examined Pooh, he could tell that one of the top canines had a problem as well. So we left him for the day to get taken care of. Pooh ended up having five teeth pulled (extracted in Vet terms) With the anesthesia, stitches and oral surgery, plus the meds he came home with, it cost a fortune. Oh well, whet are you going to do.
Pooh is now on antibiotics and pain medicine and seems to be feeling much better. For the record, Pooh is almost 14 years old.
Tigger is also in need of dental work, but he is not in any distress, so we will wait and save up money first.
Buddy the puppy is a real butt head. He is as sweet as can be, but he tends to sneak off and poop in the house when he thinks nobody is looking. As a result, whenever he is out of my sight I panic and go looking before it is took late.
When I take Buddy in the yard and, especially in the evening, he thinks it's playtime. He will run around the back yard like a little black tornado! But will he poop? That is the question!
Also on the home front, Nick and I wanted to go for coffee the other day. Greenberry's near our house is gone (turning into a small Thai restaurant). We were not in the mood for our usual Starbucks. So I found a place in Great Falls called Katie's coffee and deserts. We had nice coffee there and saw that since it was afternoon, lunch was also being served. The fish and chips looked wonderful!
And there's Nick looking up from his newspaper at Katie's Coffee Shop.
Morgan has started to market his wares on Etsy. He has made some really nice jewelry and also has photos for sale. Morgan is very artistic and it is fun for us parents and look at our son's artistic talents.http://www.etsy.com/shop/BrassyCat
I am toying with the idea of putting some of my knitting on Etsy. Maybe
Darcy and Hannah bought a "prison bus". Yes, that right- a prison bus. It is short(ish) and painted white. It looks pretty cool, and their plans for it sound good. Here, I will let you read all about it http://huzzahbus.tumblr.com/ And here is a picture that I "borrowed" from Darcy's Facebook page:
I had a weird nap today. I rarely take naps. I might doze off in front of the TV sometimes. This afternoon I was working on my computer and I started to feel really tired. For whatever reason, I got into bed. After a few minutes, I put on my C-Pap and was really sound asleep.
The dog's barking is what woke me up. At 6:30. It was dark out and I assumed it was AM, not PM. I could smell the oven and was afraid that there might be a fire. When I saw that I was in my regular clothes, and not in my pajamas, I was really confused.
Got downstairs to discover that Nick was cooking dinner. I enjoyed it and sat down and ate and watched Jeopardy.
I have been up for hours now. I was afraid I would be up all night, but I am too tired and plan to get into bed as soon as I hit the hay, I will think I am just that tired.
So good night for now! <3 <3<3
Monday, January 21, 2013
Inauguration
Nick and I watched the swearing in ceremonies this morning. Very nice and a happy occasion.
The sun has started to hide behind some clouds, and the temperatures are falling. It's winter!
I am feeling better than I did yesterday. I figured out why I had heartburn. I take medications every day. Yesterday, being Sunday, I sat and filled p my little dosing box with my medications for the week. That included my medicine for reflux/ heartburn. When I went to take my medicine this morning, I discovered that I didn't take my medicine yesterday. Oops. Silly me!
Going to the gym in a few minutes, then errands, then home.
While watching the inauguration this morning, Pooh (cat) and Buddy (dog) curled up on the couch next to me. They were really cute!
The sun has started to hide behind some clouds, and the temperatures are falling. It's winter!
I am feeling better than I did yesterday. I figured out why I had heartburn. I take medications every day. Yesterday, being Sunday, I sat and filled p my little dosing box with my medications for the week. That included my medicine for reflux/ heartburn. When I went to take my medicine this morning, I discovered that I didn't take my medicine yesterday. Oops. Silly me!
Going to the gym in a few minutes, then errands, then home.
While watching the inauguration this morning, Pooh (cat) and Buddy (dog) curled up on the couch next to me. They were really cute!
Heartburn
I think someone wrote a book called "Heartburn" some time ago. This, is not about that. I have heartburn and it stinks and feels bad.
Earlier today, while sitting at my computer I opened a bag of sweet potato salt and vinegar chips. I ate a few. Then as I sat here I started to get heartburn. Really burning. I've taken a couple of different things that are supposed to help, so it isn't as bad as it was. But it isn't great!
But, other than that, I am really okay.
It was a gorgeous day today. Got up to the 60s I believe. Nick and I went for a walk with Buddy. We all needed to get out of the house.
After that we went to Great Falls to find a coffee shop I found online. Our old, occasional, favorite has closed down and is going to come back in its next life as a Thai restaurant.
So today we went to Katie's Coffee House. It was hard to find at first, but then we figured out that it is attached to an Irish pub. They were serving lunch, but all we wanted was coffee. I saw people getting their food and it looked good. Especially the fish and chips. Boy would I love some fish and chips! The only place I have had them gluten free is in Portland. Ah well.
Actually, yesterday and today both had really good weather. Yesterday I took the girls to Frying Pan Park- their mom asked if she could come with us, so she did. It was not a hyper, exciting day. It was a nice day of looking at the farm animals. And we happened to arrive in time to watch a part of a horse show in the big barn. Both girls took a lot of pictures. A while back I gave each of them an old camera of mine. They are good, digital cameras. Not cheap ones, but some function I want is broken or something. Anyway, they are good cameras for the girls.
I think their mom was surprised when I put on a CD of Australian music when we were driving. The girls know all of the words to all of the songs. Their mom hasn't spent the hours with me that the girls have, so doesn't know all of our routines.
Tomorrow is a big day in the Washington area and for the country. I plan to be a total couch potato and watch the inauguration on TV, while I knit, all day.
It is supposed to be sunny, but colder, and windy tomorrow. There may be some few snow flurries in the later part of the day. I am so glad I can watch it on our nice, color, big screen TV set! I know that Nick and I will watch, and probably Austin. Not sure if we will have company, but we'll be alright whether we have company or not.
Oh yeah, one more thing. My son and his wife bought a white school bus. It kind of looks like it may have been a prison bus. Not sure?
Earlier today, while sitting at my computer I opened a bag of sweet potato salt and vinegar chips. I ate a few. Then as I sat here I started to get heartburn. Really burning. I've taken a couple of different things that are supposed to help, so it isn't as bad as it was. But it isn't great!
But, other than that, I am really okay.
 | |
| Buddy! |
After that we went to Great Falls to find a coffee shop I found online. Our old, occasional, favorite has closed down and is going to come back in its next life as a Thai restaurant.
So today we went to Katie's Coffee House. It was hard to find at first, but then we figured out that it is attached to an Irish pub. They were serving lunch, but all we wanted was coffee. I saw people getting their food and it looked good. Especially the fish and chips. Boy would I love some fish and chips! The only place I have had them gluten free is in Portland. Ah well.
Actually, yesterday and today both had really good weather. Yesterday I took the girls to Frying Pan Park- their mom asked if she could come with us, so she did. It was not a hyper, exciting day. It was a nice day of looking at the farm animals. And we happened to arrive in time to watch a part of a horse show in the big barn. Both girls took a lot of pictures. A while back I gave each of them an old camera of mine. They are good, digital cameras. Not cheap ones, but some function I want is broken or something. Anyway, they are good cameras for the girls.
I think their mom was surprised when I put on a CD of Australian music when we were driving. The girls know all of the words to all of the songs. Their mom hasn't spent the hours with me that the girls have, so doesn't know all of our routines.
Tomorrow is a big day in the Washington area and for the country. I plan to be a total couch potato and watch the inauguration on TV, while I knit, all day.
It is supposed to be sunny, but colder, and windy tomorrow. There may be some few snow flurries in the later part of the day. I am so glad I can watch it on our nice, color, big screen TV set! I know that Nick and I will watch, and probably Austin. Not sure if we will have company, but we'll be alright whether we have company or not.
Oh yeah, one more thing. My son and his wife bought a white school bus. It kind of looks like it may have been a prison bus. Not sure?
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Life
What is life? I know, that's too profound. Too hard to really measure. In my women's group, and in groups all over the world, we are getting old. It's funny that at 58 I a the youngest, old eldest member is 85. I was worried about having somone that much older than me in the group. I couldn't have been more wrong.
Oh sure, she has some of the infirmities that come with age. But she takes it all in stride. There isn't really any other choice, but my worries were unnecessary.
We all hear harder and we Don't know what it means to be old and why it means to get older and become a grown up.
I am going to post the the Websters Dictionary definition of then l I would like to figure out is, who says what's old?
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Oh sure, she has some of the infirmities that come with age. But she takes it all in stride. There isn't really any other choice, but my worries were unnecessary.
We all hear harder and we Don't know what it means to be old and why it means to get older and become a grown up.
I am going to post the the Websters Dictionary definition of then l I would like to figure out is, who says what's old?
******************************************************************************
a : dating from the remote past : ancient <old traditions>
b : persisting from an earlier time <an old ailment> <they brought up the same old argument>
c : of long standing <an old friend>
2
a : distinguished from an object of the same kind by being of an earlier date <many still used the old name>
b capitalized : belonging to an early period in the development of a language or literature <Old Persian>
3
: having existed for a specified period of time <a child three years old>
4
: of, relating to, or originating in a past era <old chronicles record the event>
5
a : advanced in years or age <an old person>
b : showing the characteristics of age <looked old at 20>
6
: experienced <an old trooper speaking of the last war>
7
: former <his old students>
8
9
a : long familiar <same old story> <good old Joe>
b —used as an intensive <a high old time>
c —used to express an attitude of affection or amusement <a big old dog> <flex the old biceps> <any old time>
See Examples of OLD
- He's an old man now.
- We rented an old black-and-white movie.
- There's an old saying that good fences make good neighbors.
- a new approach to an old problem
- She wore a T-shirt and an old pair of jeans.
- I wish you would stop wearing that dirty old hat!
- The hotel was old and dingy.
- the oldest known civilization in the region
- The house we live in is 50 years old.
- We went back to visit our old neighborhood.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Nighttime Ramble
Here I am again. I've been thinking about all sorts of things the last few days. Been feeling sick- I think from the antibiotic I was taking for my root canal abscess. I read about the possible side effects and decided to quit taking the stuff before I got sicker.
We went to the RV show at the Dulles Expo Center today. It was neat to see all the fancy RVs, but it was too crowded. Especially inside the RVs. I wasn't inspired to lust after any of them. I was pretty happy with the camping we did last summer at the KOA campgrounds all over the country.
I think about my kids all the time. Even when we don't talk or write for a while. I am still very connected somehow. I know the saying about having children is live having your heart on the outside of your body. I know what that means-it means that you have a vulnerability you never could dream of or imagine without having children. Really. These people, all of them adults, are mine. They will always be my children. For the rest of my life.
So much of my time and energy were sucked up when the kids were all living at home. I cannot say one period was harder than another. Although, I do think I am pretty good at mothering babies and knowing what to do and how and when. When I had a preemie, my charmed life came to a jolting stop and a new reality of how to mother a little one. And it worked out alright in the end, but I was so scared and worried that I was sure life would never be alright again. That is the real reason I didn't have any more babies. I would have loved having more babies, but at 36 and after getting my sick preemie well and healthy, I was afraid to push my luck any further.
And I have been lucky. Remarkably so.
And now, I help other moms learn the ropes of early mothering. Most of the moms I help, are working moms. they will be going back to work when their babies are just 12 weeks old. They will be alright and their babies will too. I sometimes wish I could be a nanny to all of the sweet babies I meet. I am really nuts!
And so my latest fixation has been knitting baby hats that look like breasts. I have made two so far and am working on my third. Not sure what I will do with them. Maybe sell them on Ravelry? Who knows. I didn't have any active knitting projects, and I needed to have something to do with my hands while watching TV. I cannot just sit there. So, there you go.
I have been working on my family tree/ genealogy lately. Nick subscribed to Ancestry.com , so I have been looking up records and connecting my grandparents with their parents and so on. I found a copy of the document of my mother entering the US for the first time when she was just 6 weeks old. I have copies of the US census for any number of years showing addresses of grandparents and aunts and uncles. It makes the past so close and all of those real people even more real.
It also makes me miss people. Especially my mom. She could have told me so much. She did tell me a lot, but not enough. And both of my grandmothers told me about their families, but I didn't pay close enough attention and now all I have are scant memories and pictures of cemetery head stones with names and dates.
I also miss my mom just because. She was 77 when she died, and that's not old enough. She didn't get to live long enough and she really did want to live longer. She loved me, I know that. She used to sing to me when I was little, and give me butterfly kisses. It's not a new sentiment- wishing you could turn back time. But it is a real one.
I guess that is part of why I think about my kids so much. Not just because they are my kids, but I am their only mother. I know I am important to them, and I know that they won't realize how important until I am gone-which I hope won't be for a long time.
I wrote here on this blog recently about being a mother and how I would have been a whole, complete person even if I had not had children. That is true. But now, I am getting older and Nick is too. We are still going strong, but I don't want to buy into the perpetual denial our culture has "oh no, you aren't old". We are not "old" yet, but we are aging. We are past middle age. I have wanted to be a grandmother for some time. (no pressure kids, this is about me-really). Now, of course if I had never had kids, I would not feel the desire to have grandchildren.
Why do I want grandchildren? I guess it is the immortality thing. It is also the feeling that if I was a good enough mother/ parent, my children would see the value in what I did and would desire the same things. I hope I am not letting my self and my ego get in my way.
I have patience that I didn't have when I was a young mother. I have stories to tell and fun things to teach. Reading, playing cats cradle, making play dough. Finger painting and making a loom from a piece of cardboard. These are all things we did and I want to be able to share myself in the same way again. But I am afraid that we may not have the energy and good health to be able to be the kind of grandparents I would like my grandchildren to know if too many years pass before the grandkids come.
My Grandma Thompsen taught me how to crochet. She bought fruit and canned it when I was staying with her. She dug potatoes right out of the dirt in her back garden! I am so lucky to have been able to spend time with her and get to know her and see her and hear her with her strong Norwegian accent.
And my Grandma Rivers, well, she taught me how to make pie crust and how to knit. She had a clothes line and she grew tomatoes in her back yard. I planted the the first flowers I ever grew from seed right there by her back door. What a thrill that was for 10 year old me! My Grandpa Rivers was a carpenter. He had a shop in his basement and he was always building things. We all have spice racks he made. Whenever he came to visit he brought his tools and worked on whatever needed to be worked on. Yes, I remember him.
My mom had a stroke when my kids were pretty young. So they didn't get to know her as an active grandmother as I wish they had. She had an abrasive personality that was not always nice for my older kids. She got better in her last few years of life, but by then the older kids were grown up and too busy, and there wasn't much left that she could do with the younger kids. At least they knew her and loved her. And they knew she loved them too.
Well, that's it for tonight.
We went to the RV show at the Dulles Expo Center today. It was neat to see all the fancy RVs, but it was too crowded. Especially inside the RVs. I wasn't inspired to lust after any of them. I was pretty happy with the camping we did last summer at the KOA campgrounds all over the country.
I think about my kids all the time. Even when we don't talk or write for a while. I am still very connected somehow. I know the saying about having children is live having your heart on the outside of your body. I know what that means-it means that you have a vulnerability you never could dream of or imagine without having children. Really. These people, all of them adults, are mine. They will always be my children. For the rest of my life.
So much of my time and energy were sucked up when the kids were all living at home. I cannot say one period was harder than another. Although, I do think I am pretty good at mothering babies and knowing what to do and how and when. When I had a preemie, my charmed life came to a jolting stop and a new reality of how to mother a little one. And it worked out alright in the end, but I was so scared and worried that I was sure life would never be alright again. That is the real reason I didn't have any more babies. I would have loved having more babies, but at 36 and after getting my sick preemie well and healthy, I was afraid to push my luck any further.
And I have been lucky. Remarkably so.
And now, I help other moms learn the ropes of early mothering. Most of the moms I help, are working moms. they will be going back to work when their babies are just 12 weeks old. They will be alright and their babies will too. I sometimes wish I could be a nanny to all of the sweet babies I meet. I am really nuts!
I have been working on my family tree/ genealogy lately. Nick subscribed to Ancestry.com , so I have been looking up records and connecting my grandparents with their parents and so on. I found a copy of the document of my mother entering the US for the first time when she was just 6 weeks old. I have copies of the US census for any number of years showing addresses of grandparents and aunts and uncles. It makes the past so close and all of those real people even more real.
It also makes me miss people. Especially my mom. She could have told me so much. She did tell me a lot, but not enough. And both of my grandmothers told me about their families, but I didn't pay close enough attention and now all I have are scant memories and pictures of cemetery head stones with names and dates.
I also miss my mom just because. She was 77 when she died, and that's not old enough. She didn't get to live long enough and she really did want to live longer. She loved me, I know that. She used to sing to me when I was little, and give me butterfly kisses. It's not a new sentiment- wishing you could turn back time. But it is a real one.
I guess that is part of why I think about my kids so much. Not just because they are my kids, but I am their only mother. I know I am important to them, and I know that they won't realize how important until I am gone-which I hope won't be for a long time.
I wrote here on this blog recently about being a mother and how I would have been a whole, complete person even if I had not had children. That is true. But now, I am getting older and Nick is too. We are still going strong, but I don't want to buy into the perpetual denial our culture has "oh no, you aren't old". We are not "old" yet, but we are aging. We are past middle age. I have wanted to be a grandmother for some time. (no pressure kids, this is about me-really). Now, of course if I had never had kids, I would not feel the desire to have grandchildren.
Why do I want grandchildren? I guess it is the immortality thing. It is also the feeling that if I was a good enough mother/ parent, my children would see the value in what I did and would desire the same things. I hope I am not letting my self and my ego get in my way.
I have patience that I didn't have when I was a young mother. I have stories to tell and fun things to teach. Reading, playing cats cradle, making play dough. Finger painting and making a loom from a piece of cardboard. These are all things we did and I want to be able to share myself in the same way again. But I am afraid that we may not have the energy and good health to be able to be the kind of grandparents I would like my grandchildren to know if too many years pass before the grandkids come.
My Grandma Thompsen taught me how to crochet. She bought fruit and canned it when I was staying with her. She dug potatoes right out of the dirt in her back garden! I am so lucky to have been able to spend time with her and get to know her and see her and hear her with her strong Norwegian accent.
And my Grandma Rivers, well, she taught me how to make pie crust and how to knit. She had a clothes line and she grew tomatoes in her back yard. I planted the the first flowers I ever grew from seed right there by her back door. What a thrill that was for 10 year old me! My Grandpa Rivers was a carpenter. He had a shop in his basement and he was always building things. We all have spice racks he made. Whenever he came to visit he brought his tools and worked on whatever needed to be worked on. Yes, I remember him.
My mom had a stroke when my kids were pretty young. So they didn't get to know her as an active grandmother as I wish they had. She had an abrasive personality that was not always nice for my older kids. She got better in her last few years of life, but by then the older kids were grown up and too busy, and there wasn't much left that she could do with the younger kids. At least they knew her and loved her. And they knew she loved them too.
Well, that's it for tonight.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Drugs or Bugs- what's making me sick?
I have been feeling blah for the last few days. Bordering on depressed. Lethargic even. Yesterday I sat in front of the TV all day in my pajamas.
Last night on my way to my women's group meeting I thought I was going to cry in the car. I was just so blue.
Today I saw my psychiatrist who is never surprised at how much stress I have and says it would be understandable if I felt low.
Then I went to Joanne's Fabrics and had a close call. I had a stomach attack- just fortunately, I knew where the bathroom was and I got there on time.
I went to my weekly Starbucks meeting. Had some coffee and a snack. Felt pretty good, but it is hard to feel bad when you are adoring a couple of newborns. By the time folks were leaving though I was sure I was about to throw up. I didn't.
I decided to look up side effects of the antibiotic I am on (for an infection in a post root canal root). Well, I think I have figured out my problem. I guess I am lucky I am not sicker.
Nick signed up for Ancestry.com (did I mention this in my last blog entry/). It has been fun finding out about my Norwegian family. I have even learned that my great, great grandmother is actually buried in Seattle. I didn't even realize she had ever been in America!
Ok, on that note, nite nite sleep tight.
Last night on my way to my women's group meeting I thought I was going to cry in the car. I was just so blue.
Today I saw my psychiatrist who is never surprised at how much stress I have and says it would be understandable if I felt low.
Then I went to Joanne's Fabrics and had a close call. I had a stomach attack- just fortunately, I knew where the bathroom was and I got there on time.
I went to my weekly Starbucks meeting. Had some coffee and a snack. Felt pretty good, but it is hard to feel bad when you are adoring a couple of newborns. By the time folks were leaving though I was sure I was about to throw up. I didn't.
I decided to look up side effects of the antibiotic I am on (for an infection in a post root canal root). Well, I think I have figured out my problem. I guess I am lucky I am not sicker.
Nick signed up for Ancestry.com (did I mention this in my last blog entry/). It has been fun finding out about my Norwegian family. I have even learned that my great, great grandmother is actually buried in Seattle. I didn't even realize she had ever been in America!
Ok, on that note, nite nite sleep tight.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Sunday evening
It's been one of those weird days. I woke up at about 5:30 this morning after about three hours of sleep. I want downstairs- with the dog- and watched TV for a while. Nick got up at 7:00- unusually early for him too. At some point I fell asleep sitting up on the sofa, went back to bed and slept till 1:00. When I woke up, Nick and the dog had both come back to bed with me and were both sleeping.
My jaw is hurting me. I had a root canal a while back and it got abscessed and I had to have an awful thing called an apicoectomy. Look it up if you are interested- it is too yucky for even me to explain. I got my teeth cleaned last week (great hygiene by the way) and complained about the jaw/ tooth pain. Looks like the root canal is infected again- which is not supposed to happen. So I am a bit depressed about that. I am on antibiotics and hope that will clear it up. But I really doubt it. I am not sure I can go through another apicoectomy. Oh my. Whatever.
Nick has gout, which most of the time is under control, but at the moment he is having a lot of pain from it. Poor guy. And the medication for it makes him sick to his stomach and dizzy.
I don't know if all of the ailments come with age, or just happen. I have had more than my share of various exciting and exotic illnesses and surgeries, and I have never been as old as I am not (duh), so who knows.
So now for something light. Bedtime is kind of funny in my bedroom. When I am getting my pajamas on, Beta (fat, old, female cat) goes into my bathroom and sits there waiting for me. She knows that I will come in and brush my teeth and go to the bathroom. She considers this our "girl time", and she just stares at me and purrs.
Pooh and Tigger, old male cats, both get up on my night table to take turns getting a drink of water out of the beer mug that is placed there just for them.
Buddy, six month old male puppy gets on the bed and snuggles up between Nick and I. If he is spacey/ tired, Buddy "digs" and goes around in circles to make the bed cozy for himself.
Now, lights out. I put on my c-pap (a lovely sight indeed). Next thing I know, Tigger is occupying my pillow, just above my head. He pretty much purrs all night. Now, Tigger never ever used to do this. It started when Buddy joined the family.
And then there's poor Nick. He has to put up with my tossing and turning until I get comfortable. Actually, he usually sleeps through it all!
So, we started out in a double bed, just Nick and I. (oh yeah we did have cats and a dog when we got married- I forgot)
Then we added kids, one at a time. Each gradually graduating from the family bed in time for another baby to fill in the space. After about 20 years of sharing our bed with us, it was back down to just the two of us. Now we are back to having a family bed, sharing with our new family of babies - a dog and three cats. What's next? I cannot imagine.
Nick and I had dinner at my sister's yesterday. My sister gave me some family history on our Norwegian grandmother. I've got quite a bit on my Norwegian grandfather (who I never met) but didn't even know we had anything on my grandma. So now I have the genealogy bug biting at my curious self.
I have a "to do" list that keeps getting either lost or longer, depending. I don't feel like doing much of anything, but since I am still a sort of competent adult, I have to "do" things to take care of myself. Like get check ups with the various doctors I have put in charge of the various parts of my body. This week Ia m getting a mental health check up. Woo hoo! Then, I am way over due for the GYN, the GI doc, the pulmonologist and probably some others. My eyes and teeth are taken care of for the time being. Oh yeah, I need to see the chiropractor too. I really should have gone to medical school so maybe I could diagnose and treat myself. Nah.
Ok, time for season three of Downton Abbey!
My jaw is hurting me. I had a root canal a while back and it got abscessed and I had to have an awful thing called an apicoectomy. Look it up if you are interested- it is too yucky for even me to explain. I got my teeth cleaned last week (great hygiene by the way) and complained about the jaw/ tooth pain. Looks like the root canal is infected again- which is not supposed to happen. So I am a bit depressed about that. I am on antibiotics and hope that will clear it up. But I really doubt it. I am not sure I can go through another apicoectomy. Oh my. Whatever.
Nick has gout, which most of the time is under control, but at the moment he is having a lot of pain from it. Poor guy. And the medication for it makes him sick to his stomach and dizzy.
I don't know if all of the ailments come with age, or just happen. I have had more than my share of various exciting and exotic illnesses and surgeries, and I have never been as old as I am not (duh), so who knows.
So now for something light. Bedtime is kind of funny in my bedroom. When I am getting my pajamas on, Beta (fat, old, female cat) goes into my bathroom and sits there waiting for me. She knows that I will come in and brush my teeth and go to the bathroom. She considers this our "girl time", and she just stares at me and purrs.
Pooh and Tigger, old male cats, both get up on my night table to take turns getting a drink of water out of the beer mug that is placed there just for them.
Buddy, six month old male puppy gets on the bed and snuggles up between Nick and I. If he is spacey/ tired, Buddy "digs" and goes around in circles to make the bed cozy for himself.
Now, lights out. I put on my c-pap (a lovely sight indeed). Next thing I know, Tigger is occupying my pillow, just above my head. He pretty much purrs all night. Now, Tigger never ever used to do this. It started when Buddy joined the family.
And then there's poor Nick. He has to put up with my tossing and turning until I get comfortable. Actually, he usually sleeps through it all!
So, we started out in a double bed, just Nick and I. (oh yeah we did have cats and a dog when we got married- I forgot)
Then we added kids, one at a time. Each gradually graduating from the family bed in time for another baby to fill in the space. After about 20 years of sharing our bed with us, it was back down to just the two of us. Now we are back to having a family bed, sharing with our new family of babies - a dog and three cats. What's next? I cannot imagine.
Nick and I had dinner at my sister's yesterday. My sister gave me some family history on our Norwegian grandmother. I've got quite a bit on my Norwegian grandfather (who I never met) but didn't even know we had anything on my grandma. So now I have the genealogy bug biting at my curious self.
I have a "to do" list that keeps getting either lost or longer, depending. I don't feel like doing much of anything, but since I am still a sort of competent adult, I have to "do" things to take care of myself. Like get check ups with the various doctors I have put in charge of the various parts of my body. This week Ia m getting a mental health check up. Woo hoo! Then, I am way over due for the GYN, the GI doc, the pulmonologist and probably some others. My eyes and teeth are taken care of for the time being. Oh yeah, I need to see the chiropractor too. I really should have gone to medical school so maybe I could diagnose and treat myself. Nah.
Ok, time for season three of Downton Abbey!
Saturday, January 5, 2013
As usual, I am writing late at night. It's not like I have little kids who have to get into bed so I can write. It is just the lack of discipline on my part.
I remember, when the kids were little, 10:00pm seemed to be "my time". I would sit and watch TV; China Beach, Thirty Something and whatever was popular. It was nice to have some mindless time to myself before heading to bed .
I have been thinking of making my life somehow more structured. Maybe even making a [loose] schedule for the things I want to get done. I do meet with a personal trainer once a week, but as often as not we end up changing our time. Today I was not scheduled to go to the gym, but I did, just to get 30 minutes on the elliptical. I should make a schedule that I impose on myself. If I put this time into my schedule and onto my calendar, I am more likely to do it.
Same with Weight Watchers. Yes, I am going to Weight Watchers. Do I get to the meetings? No. Do I need to go to the meetings? Yes.
I think I am somewhat ambivalent because, while I know that I am "overweight" and maybe (yes definitely) considered obese. But I am constantly asking myself why it matters. I do understand the implications and the risks of carrying this "extra" weight.
But just once I would like to get through a day not thinking about it. If I eat some fries or chicken, I would not have to think about how many points I have eaten, or how many minutes I need to spend on the elliptical.
I know that Nick thinks I am beautiful. It's true. I could be 300lb or 115 and Nick would just see me, the love of his life, the mother of his children, his life partner. Why can't I see myself that way?
Everyone else just sees me as a fat lady when I walk into the room. At least, that's how I feel. I have somewhat gotten over the shyness about wearing my bathing suit in the pool.
I would love to run into an old friend and have them tell me I look great. But I don't think many people can do that in all honesty. Instead, my friends are surprised at how heavy I have become since our kids were babies together. All of my friends have put on all the gray hair and wrinkles that should happen. For the most part, even those who have not put on weight have had their figures shift a little bit.
But, why can't I just be me. Fat, gray hair and all. I think it would be really nice to NOT feel so self critical and not to worry about it.
It seems impossible, at least for me, to find anything at all fashionable and inexpensive that "big girls" like me can get away with wearing and I could look really good. I often find myself thinking that I was born into the wrong century- at least body image and fashion wise.
On another note, I bought two new chairs for my study. They were deeply discounted at Best Buy. My chairs were falling apart. So, yea hurray! More comfortable sitting for another day...
I remember, when the kids were little, 10:00pm seemed to be "my time". I would sit and watch TV; China Beach, Thirty Something and whatever was popular. It was nice to have some mindless time to myself before heading to bed .
I have been thinking of making my life somehow more structured. Maybe even making a [loose] schedule for the things I want to get done. I do meet with a personal trainer once a week, but as often as not we end up changing our time. Today I was not scheduled to go to the gym, but I did, just to get 30 minutes on the elliptical. I should make a schedule that I impose on myself. If I put this time into my schedule and onto my calendar, I am more likely to do it.
Same with Weight Watchers. Yes, I am going to Weight Watchers. Do I get to the meetings? No. Do I need to go to the meetings? Yes.
I think I am somewhat ambivalent because, while I know that I am "overweight" and maybe (yes definitely) considered obese. But I am constantly asking myself why it matters. I do understand the implications and the risks of carrying this "extra" weight.
But just once I would like to get through a day not thinking about it. If I eat some fries or chicken, I would not have to think about how many points I have eaten, or how many minutes I need to spend on the elliptical.
I know that Nick thinks I am beautiful. It's true. I could be 300lb or 115 and Nick would just see me, the love of his life, the mother of his children, his life partner. Why can't I see myself that way?
Everyone else just sees me as a fat lady when I walk into the room. At least, that's how I feel. I have somewhat gotten over the shyness about wearing my bathing suit in the pool.
I would love to run into an old friend and have them tell me I look great. But I don't think many people can do that in all honesty. Instead, my friends are surprised at how heavy I have become since our kids were babies together. All of my friends have put on all the gray hair and wrinkles that should happen. For the most part, even those who have not put on weight have had their figures shift a little bit.
But, why can't I just be me. Fat, gray hair and all. I think it would be really nice to NOT feel so self critical and not to worry about it.
It seems impossible, at least for me, to find anything at all fashionable and inexpensive that "big girls" like me can get away with wearing and I could look really good. I often find myself thinking that I was born into the wrong century- at least body image and fashion wise.
On another note, I bought two new chairs for my study. They were deeply discounted at Best Buy. My chairs were falling apart. So, yea hurray! More comfortable sitting for another day...
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
It's 2013!
I have been lounging around (lounging?) feeling a bit like
Eeyore. Sort of gloomy. Not totally depressed, just not
inclined to want to get up and do anything much. Even getting out of my
pajamas feels like something I don't want to deal with.
A part of it is my life long (or at least as an adult) feelings of guilt about "doing nothing". I have always felt that one needs to be doing something of it is wasteful. Wasting time when things need to get done. Knitting while watching TV. Throwing laundry from the washer to the dryer and from the hamper into the washer in the midst of cooking dinner or cleaning house.
But, in general, I just don't feel like doing that stuff too much any more. It is partly because I don't have kids and their messes to deal with. And kids, well, you have to feed them and wash their clothes and stuff. Also, when the kids were around I often would pain with them or make play dough or cut veggies or bake. Do "mom stuff". Nobody needs me in that way any more, and I guess that is part of my issue.
The lack of structure in our lives is a large part of it too. We stay up too late- especially me. Then I wake up either too tired to do much, or I sleep in and lose a big part of the day.
Today, Nick and I went for a drive to Leesburg and had lunch at Roy Rogers. We always ate at Roy Rogers before we were married and even after we were if we had the money. Of course, I cannot eat the buns on the sandwiches any more, but they are great without the bread too.
Then we drove out to Eco Village, a place we thought semi seriously about building and moving to a while back. we even had a deposit down, but we got it back. Anyway, it was nice to get out and just be out of the house, looking at old farm buildings and new housing developments.
This evening I was lucky enough to come across a show on PBS about the Norwegian Coastal Steamer, the Hurtigrut. We arrived in Tromso on the hurtigruta back in 1984. We took it from Trondheim toTromso, a two day journey, with six year old Courtney and three year old Morgan, and myself hugely pregnant with Darcy. (he was born just three weeks after we arrived).http://www.hurtigruten.us/Schedule/
Norway is so beautiful. I was there as a small child of three, but don't remember that. I grew up with a Norwegian grandmother with an accent none of my friends could understand. We went there on our honeymoon in 1972. Then we went to live there.
I have been back a few times to visit family there as has my sister. My brother in law was Norwegian. Being half Norwegian by birth/ genes, I have such a feeling for the place. It's like my soul is in the hills and mountains and trees and sky there. The earth is in my deepest piece of my self.
Watching the show made me remember what a breathtaking place we lived in. It also made me sad. Sad, because I have suffered depression so much of my life that I have never been truly about to become a whole part of where I lived. I was always homesick. Even though I have made life long friends all over the world, much of the time when I was there, I wanted to be here.
But I do have to say that our best Christmases were the ones overseas. When we had our little nuclear family unit and no other stresses.
I think that the term "bucket list" is out of fashion. But that is what I have. I have several versions of it actually. In all of my versions, I want to go back to all of the places overseas that we have lived. I want to see the houses, at least the ones that are still there. I would like to see and perhaps even stay with old friends and with family. Now here's the hard part. Nick would like to go to all of these places too. But he has no interest in seeing any of the people we knew, or taking their hospitality and staying with them.
And then there's the third version; we come into some money, or manage to save enough, and take all five kids to all of the places we have lived and show them. Of course in my fantasy world they love the idea. They have heard about all of our travels and the places we have lived. The older kids can even remember a lot. The problem is, in reality, they would not probably want to make a trip like this. Or if they did, they would be driven crazy hearing Nick and I say "that's where we...". Nothing like being forced to relive memories that are not even your own.
And the forth version, which is a bit modified, involves going to Norway with my sister. She and I have no problem contacting relatives and friends. But I cannot imagine she would want to go to the other places we lived. Oh well.
And now, off to bed. To the gym I go in the morning and the dentist in the afternoon. What a day full of adventure!
A part of it is my life long (or at least as an adult) feelings of guilt about "doing nothing". I have always felt that one needs to be doing something of it is wasteful. Wasting time when things need to get done. Knitting while watching TV. Throwing laundry from the washer to the dryer and from the hamper into the washer in the midst of cooking dinner or cleaning house.
But, in general, I just don't feel like doing that stuff too much any more. It is partly because I don't have kids and their messes to deal with. And kids, well, you have to feed them and wash their clothes and stuff. Also, when the kids were around I often would pain with them or make play dough or cut veggies or bake. Do "mom stuff". Nobody needs me in that way any more, and I guess that is part of my issue.
The lack of structure in our lives is a large part of it too. We stay up too late- especially me. Then I wake up either too tired to do much, or I sleep in and lose a big part of the day.
Today, Nick and I went for a drive to Leesburg and had lunch at Roy Rogers. We always ate at Roy Rogers before we were married and even after we were if we had the money. Of course, I cannot eat the buns on the sandwiches any more, but they are great without the bread too.
Then we drove out to Eco Village, a place we thought semi seriously about building and moving to a while back. we even had a deposit down, but we got it back. Anyway, it was nice to get out and just be out of the house, looking at old farm buildings and new housing developments.
This evening I was lucky enough to come across a show on PBS about the Norwegian Coastal Steamer, the Hurtigrut. We arrived in Tromso on the hurtigruta back in 1984. We took it from Trondheim toTromso, a two day journey, with six year old Courtney and three year old Morgan, and myself hugely pregnant with Darcy. (he was born just three weeks after we arrived).http://www.hurtigruten.us/Schedule/
Norway is so beautiful. I was there as a small child of three, but don't remember that. I grew up with a Norwegian grandmother with an accent none of my friends could understand. We went there on our honeymoon in 1972. Then we went to live there.
I have been back a few times to visit family there as has my sister. My brother in law was Norwegian. Being half Norwegian by birth/ genes, I have such a feeling for the place. It's like my soul is in the hills and mountains and trees and sky there. The earth is in my deepest piece of my self.
Watching the show made me remember what a breathtaking place we lived in. It also made me sad. Sad, because I have suffered depression so much of my life that I have never been truly about to become a whole part of where I lived. I was always homesick. Even though I have made life long friends all over the world, much of the time when I was there, I wanted to be here.
But I do have to say that our best Christmases were the ones overseas. When we had our little nuclear family unit and no other stresses.
I think that the term "bucket list" is out of fashion. But that is what I have. I have several versions of it actually. In all of my versions, I want to go back to all of the places overseas that we have lived. I want to see the houses, at least the ones that are still there. I would like to see and perhaps even stay with old friends and with family. Now here's the hard part. Nick would like to go to all of these places too. But he has no interest in seeing any of the people we knew, or taking their hospitality and staying with them.
And then there's the third version; we come into some money, or manage to save enough, and take all five kids to all of the places we have lived and show them. Of course in my fantasy world they love the idea. They have heard about all of our travels and the places we have lived. The older kids can even remember a lot. The problem is, in reality, they would not probably want to make a trip like this. Or if they did, they would be driven crazy hearing Nick and I say "that's where we...". Nothing like being forced to relive memories that are not even your own.
And the forth version, which is a bit modified, involves going to Norway with my sister. She and I have no problem contacting relatives and friends. But I cannot imagine she would want to go to the other places we lived. Oh well.
And now, off to bed. To the gym I go in the morning and the dentist in the afternoon. What a day full of adventure!
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